"True humility doesn't consist of thinking ill of yourself but of not thinking of yourself much differently from the way you'd be apt to think of anybody else. It is the capacity for being no more and no less pleased when you play your own hand well than when your opponents do."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 197)
I'd like to see myself as a humble person. At least in the way that Buechner describes it above. I have a feeling I'm more likely to down play anything I do well while always praising others. That isn't actually humility, it's more about attitude towards myself and a negative one at that.
True humility would have to actually admit that there are things that I do well. True humility would also not be measuring myself against the performance of others but merely appreciating how they do things well too.
What I see is that true humility really lies in being able to live fully into Jesus' second greatest commandment, "love your neighbor as yourself."
Blessings,
Ed
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Reflections for 7/30/11
"Which of us can look back on our own lives without seeing in them the role of blind chance and dumb luck? But faith, says the author of the Epistle to the Hebrews is 'the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.'"(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p.196)
One of the more stressful aspects of just about every vacation I take, is financial. How far can we make the money we have to spend go? I'll readily admit that this last trip especially towards the end was one where I really thought we would be getting close to not having any money left.
But two weird things occurred. We arrived in one town and the hotel had bumped us. The silver lining the parent company paid for our other hotel. And also approaching an unforeseen toll and not thinking I had any cash only to stop panicking and find enough in my pocket.
Dumb luck, blind chance? Maybe, but I chose as a person of faith to see it as a grace filled moment. The one that reminded me that all I needed to do was trust.
I'm sure there are other instances that might also qualify as blind chance or dumb luck. They just as easily can be seen as grace filled moments.
Blessings,
Ed
One of the more stressful aspects of just about every vacation I take, is financial. How far can we make the money we have to spend go? I'll readily admit that this last trip especially towards the end was one where I really thought we would be getting close to not having any money left.
But two weird things occurred. We arrived in one town and the hotel had bumped us. The silver lining the parent company paid for our other hotel. And also approaching an unforeseen toll and not thinking I had any cash only to stop panicking and find enough in my pocket.
Dumb luck, blind chance? Maybe, but I chose as a person of faith to see it as a grace filled moment. The one that reminded me that all I needed to do was trust.
I'm sure there are other instances that might also qualify as blind chance or dumb luck. They just as easily can be seen as grace filled moments.
Blessings,
Ed
Friday, July 29, 2011
Reflections for 7/29/11
"For another thing, his father, King David, was always either spoiling him rotten or reading him the riot act.This did not promote stability of character."(F.Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p.195)
It has been a few weeks since I've written a reflection. I've been on an amazing journey, otherwise known as a vacation, with my two sons. We traveled well over 4000 miles in 11 days, touring Midwest baseball stadiums. Mrs Zelley chose to stay home in the air conditioned comfort of the house and work at her new job.
I wouldn't call the trip a bonding time, mainly because I believe I have a good relationship with my sons. I'm not their best friend, I don't try to be. I'd like to believe that I've been a good dad. One who has allowed them to grow up reasonably happy, and with reasonable boundaries and expectations.
I don't believe they are above reproach, but I will say that I find their behavior normal for teenagers.
Most parent/child relationships are complex. In many ways most of us reflect our upbringings, and in some less fortunate cases have to heal from them.
24 hours of straight contact with the same people for 11 days can either affirm what you already feel about someone or drive you nuts. I'd have to say that these last 11 days affirmed what I already knew about my sons. They are basically decent people. Their behavior not abnormal for the age group. And how blessed I feel to have spent this time with them showing them important parts of my past, and sharing a common love we have for the sport of baseball.
Blessings,
Ed
It has been a few weeks since I've written a reflection. I've been on an amazing journey, otherwise known as a vacation, with my two sons. We traveled well over 4000 miles in 11 days, touring Midwest baseball stadiums. Mrs Zelley chose to stay home in the air conditioned comfort of the house and work at her new job.
I wouldn't call the trip a bonding time, mainly because I believe I have a good relationship with my sons. I'm not their best friend, I don't try to be. I'd like to believe that I've been a good dad. One who has allowed them to grow up reasonably happy, and with reasonable boundaries and expectations.
I don't believe they are above reproach, but I will say that I find their behavior normal for teenagers.
Most parent/child relationships are complex. In many ways most of us reflect our upbringings, and in some less fortunate cases have to heal from them.
24 hours of straight contact with the same people for 11 days can either affirm what you already feel about someone or drive you nuts. I'd have to say that these last 11 days affirmed what I already knew about my sons. They are basically decent people. Their behavior not abnormal for the age group. And how blessed I feel to have spent this time with them showing them important parts of my past, and sharing a common love we have for the sport of baseball.
Blessings,
Ed
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Reflections for 7/13/11
"Self-love or pride is a sin when, instead of leading you to share with others the self you love, it lead you to keep your self in perpetual safe-deposit. You not only don't accrue any interest that way but become less and less interesting every day." (F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 182)
Love thy neighbor as thyself. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. We all know these phrases. The "Golden Rules." Every major religion has some variation of it.
I remember an ethics professor commenting that she deserved better than love neighbor as yourself. She'd seen to many people who couldn't or wouldn't love themselves, and did not wish to be treated in the same way. Good point. I know I get a little testy when I hear people talk about how much they love God and the next thing they say is how much they hate {fill in the blank}. I'm not sure how that really works.
Of course there is also that love of self which is more about notice me while I pay no attention to you. That's the kind Buechner is addressing. A person doesn't grow from that point of view. Mainly because of the second point most people lose interest.
The self-love that knows what it has to offer the world, and does so out of love for that world, is the kind Jesus was looking for. It is the kind that leads to personal growth. The kind that others are interested in watching and imitating.
Sometimes the most amazing thing to me about these kind of folks, is how little they are aware of what they are doing. They just do it for the sake of that circular love, God-neighbor-self.
Blessings,
Ed
Love thy neighbor as thyself. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. We all know these phrases. The "Golden Rules." Every major religion has some variation of it.
I remember an ethics professor commenting that she deserved better than love neighbor as yourself. She'd seen to many people who couldn't or wouldn't love themselves, and did not wish to be treated in the same way. Good point. I know I get a little testy when I hear people talk about how much they love God and the next thing they say is how much they hate {fill in the blank}. I'm not sure how that really works.
Of course there is also that love of self which is more about notice me while I pay no attention to you. That's the kind Buechner is addressing. A person doesn't grow from that point of view. Mainly because of the second point most people lose interest.
The self-love that knows what it has to offer the world, and does so out of love for that world, is the kind Jesus was looking for. It is the kind that leads to personal growth. The kind that others are interested in watching and imitating.
Sometimes the most amazing thing to me about these kind of folks, is how little they are aware of what they are doing. They just do it for the sake of that circular love, God-neighbor-self.
Blessings,
Ed
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Reflections for 7/12/11
"We must hep bear each other's burdens. We must pray for each other. We must nourish each other, weep with each other, rejoice with each other. Sometimes we must just learn to let each other alone. In short we must love each other."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life." p.181)
At most weddings that I officiate, they inevitably read 1 Corinthians 13. I'm not saying that's a bad thing. Actually it is probably the best marital advice in the Bible, which is ironic since it has nothing to do with marriage. It is of course very much about community and relationship with others, and for those of us who are married that relationship is certainly way at the top.
The things we do for love is more than walking in the rain and the snow. It is about helping someone who is overburdened. If we are people who pray, be willing to pray. To offer food and advice, to be present when someone is having a bad day, and when everything is going right for them, even if you're having the bad day. And as hard as it is for me to sometimes grasp, to let people be alone when they ask.
Love is of course a mutual thing. We should also be able to expect those same actions towards us from those whom we love and who love us.
Blessings,
Ed
At most weddings that I officiate, they inevitably read 1 Corinthians 13. I'm not saying that's a bad thing. Actually it is probably the best marital advice in the Bible, which is ironic since it has nothing to do with marriage. It is of course very much about community and relationship with others, and for those of us who are married that relationship is certainly way at the top.
The things we do for love is more than walking in the rain and the snow. It is about helping someone who is overburdened. If we are people who pray, be willing to pray. To offer food and advice, to be present when someone is having a bad day, and when everything is going right for them, even if you're having the bad day. And as hard as it is for me to sometimes grasp, to let people be alone when they ask.
Love is of course a mutual thing. We should also be able to expect those same actions towards us from those whom we love and who love us.
Blessings,
Ed
Monday, July 11, 2011
Reflections for 7/11/11
"One agile Lyman Woodard stood on his head in the belfry with his fee toward heaven. That's the one and only thing I've been able to find out about Lyman Woodard, whoever he hwas, but it is enough. I love him for doing what he did. It was a crazy thing to do. It was a risky thing to do. It ran counter to all standards orf new England practicality and prudence. It stood the whole idea that you're supposed to be nothing but solemn in church on its head just like Lyman himself standing upside down on his. And it was also a magical and magnifticent and Mozartian thing to do." (F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" pp. 180-181)
Sometimes I wonder if I've actually lived life fully. I'm hard pressed to recall a single time I've done anything outlandish, playfully foolish or risky. If anythng I'm at least consistent.
I certainly appreciate that perhaps Mr. Woodward was so overcome by joy that he couldn't help himself. I certainly have witnessed people do fun and silly things, just because they felt like it.
And while doing crazy things may not be the norm, I'm sure someone could recall a moment where I did something outside of normal Ed behavior. I mean that in a positive way. Not something that people would shake their heads and be disappointed to hear that I had done, but something that made them laugh or say wow who would have thought he'd do something like that, and smile as they said it.
Have you ever done something outside of the predictable you. Something outlandish born from a place of great joy. You probably have. But if it was way outside of the predictable you, its been suppressed.
Blessings,
Ed
Sometimes I wonder if I've actually lived life fully. I'm hard pressed to recall a single time I've done anything outlandish, playfully foolish or risky. If anythng I'm at least consistent.
I certainly appreciate that perhaps Mr. Woodward was so overcome by joy that he couldn't help himself. I certainly have witnessed people do fun and silly things, just because they felt like it.
And while doing crazy things may not be the norm, I'm sure someone could recall a moment where I did something outside of normal Ed behavior. I mean that in a positive way. Not something that people would shake their heads and be disappointed to hear that I had done, but something that made them laugh or say wow who would have thought he'd do something like that, and smile as they said it.
Have you ever done something outside of the predictable you. Something outlandish born from a place of great joy. You probably have. But if it was way outside of the predictable you, its been suppressed.
Blessings,
Ed
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Reflections for 7/10/11
"The psalmist doesn't try to explain evil. He doesn't try to minimize evil. He simply says he will not fear evil. For all the power that evil has, it doesn't have the power to make him afraid."(F.Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 180)
As a child I am sure I was afraid of many things, usually other people especially ones my own age. Being a fairly easy target for bullies I may have had some level of justification. I eventually got tougher, though not happier.
In sports I was also afraid. Probably why I never really learned to catch a baseball or hit one, just afraid. I was a horrible goalie because I was afraid to dive for the ball. Funny thing was in college I became a good goalie because someone got me past my fear.
I'm not a big fan of thrills or horror movies. But I'm no longer afraid.
I don't have a lot of fear of anything these days. I don't live a care free existence by any stretch of the imagination, but I do move forward in life. I may get apprehensive and slow down, but I'm not paralyzed by fear.
What I've noticed most about overcoming fears, is how much it cannot be done alone. And that may be the most important message the psalmist, especially the one who wrote Psalm 23 really got. I'm never alone even in those times when I should be most afraid.
Blessings,
Ed
As a child I am sure I was afraid of many things, usually other people especially ones my own age. Being a fairly easy target for bullies I may have had some level of justification. I eventually got tougher, though not happier.
In sports I was also afraid. Probably why I never really learned to catch a baseball or hit one, just afraid. I was a horrible goalie because I was afraid to dive for the ball. Funny thing was in college I became a good goalie because someone got me past my fear.
I'm not a big fan of thrills or horror movies. But I'm no longer afraid.
I don't have a lot of fear of anything these days. I don't live a care free existence by any stretch of the imagination, but I do move forward in life. I may get apprehensive and slow down, but I'm not paralyzed by fear.
What I've noticed most about overcoming fears, is how much it cannot be done alone. And that may be the most important message the psalmist, especially the one who wrote Psalm 23 really got. I'm never alone even in those times when I should be most afraid.
Blessings,
Ed
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Reflections for 7/9/11
"I suspect that the paths of righteousness he leads us in are more than anything else the paths of trust like that and the kind of life that grows out of that trust."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 180)
Trust is one of the hardest things to give and to maintain I suspect. I know who I trust, because I can tell them anything, I believe fully that they have my best interest at heart. I would do anything for them and go anywhere with them.
I don't know that I trust the government in the same way. I'm not paranoid about them, I just doubt that those elected officials have any idea what I need or want out of life, so they are just a necessary inconvenience to me.
I trust God for the reasons that I stated above about the important people in my life. I know that the life that I have that has grown out of that trusting relationship has impacted every other relationship.
Trust can lead to righteousness because the relationship is right. It does not lead to self-righteousness, because that is relationship out of whack.
Who do you trust? Who trusts you? Is the path you're walking one that people will follow or walk along side of you? Or do you walk a lonely road?
Blessings,
Ed
Trust is one of the hardest things to give and to maintain I suspect. I know who I trust, because I can tell them anything, I believe fully that they have my best interest at heart. I would do anything for them and go anywhere with them.
I don't know that I trust the government in the same way. I'm not paranoid about them, I just doubt that those elected officials have any idea what I need or want out of life, so they are just a necessary inconvenience to me.
I trust God for the reasons that I stated above about the important people in my life. I know that the life that I have that has grown out of that trusting relationship has impacted every other relationship.
Trust can lead to righteousness because the relationship is right. It does not lead to self-righteousness, because that is relationship out of whack.
Who do you trust? Who trusts you? Is the path you're walking one that people will follow or walk along side of you? Or do you walk a lonely road?
Blessings,
Ed
Friday, July 8, 2011
Reflections for 7/8/11
"Like sheep we get hungry, and hungry for more than just food. We get thirsty for more than just drink. Our souls get hungry and thirsty; in fact is is often that sense of inner emptiness that makes us know we have souls in the first place."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 178)
I once knew a dairy farmer up in the town my parents now reside in. He said "sheep are dumb, cows are neat." Granted he may have been biased, but he does seem to be on to something. Part of me gets a little tense with the biblical imagery being a sheep, especially if they really are dumb. I'd much rather be neat.
I do understand and relate though to the image of sheep that seem to go their own way. I can have a serious independent streak within. Something that always seems to long for something that I don't have, yet cannot name. It makes me restless, bored sometimes. And when those moments take over, I find that things that usually are fulfilling stop happening. Take writing this blog. It's been a week since I last wrote I think. It hasn't been that I've had too much to do. I just couldn't find the motivation.
And yet today, something made me want to write. Maybe it is just the impending vacation. Maybe its the weather. Maybe it feels like this is an important part of my vocation and I need to get back on track.
Or maybe I just heard the shepherds voice saying Ed.
Blessings,
Ed
I once knew a dairy farmer up in the town my parents now reside in. He said "sheep are dumb, cows are neat." Granted he may have been biased, but he does seem to be on to something. Part of me gets a little tense with the biblical imagery being a sheep, especially if they really are dumb. I'd much rather be neat.
I do understand and relate though to the image of sheep that seem to go their own way. I can have a serious independent streak within. Something that always seems to long for something that I don't have, yet cannot name. It makes me restless, bored sometimes. And when those moments take over, I find that things that usually are fulfilling stop happening. Take writing this blog. It's been a week since I last wrote I think. It hasn't been that I've had too much to do. I just couldn't find the motivation.
And yet today, something made me want to write. Maybe it is just the impending vacation. Maybe its the weather. Maybe it feels like this is an important part of my vocation and I need to get back on track.
Or maybe I just heard the shepherds voice saying Ed.
Blessings,
Ed
Friday, July 1, 2011
Reflections for 7/1/11
"Out of each old self that dies, some precious essence is preserved for the new self that is born; and within the child-self that is part of us all, there is perhaps nothing more precious than the fathomless capacity to trust."(F.Buechner "Listening to Your Life." p.174)
Well today starts the second half of 2011. It was a slow day. I'm not all the amped about holiday weekends, I have to work each day, so yawn for me.
As a child summer time for me really was much more about the month of August. That is when my father took his vacation time from the parish. My mom, as a teacher, had the whole summer off anyway. I'm sure my love for travel and seeing our great country is directly related to that childhood. While I don't take whole months off, I'm looking forward to showing my sons pieces of our country and a lot of a shared love, baseball.
As I watched the news tonight, mostly about people heading for the shore, I was again reminded of my past. My grandparents having a house in Ocean City. Walking along the beach, eating Campbell's Seafood. The magic of the boardwalk.
I live closer to Ocean City now than I did as a child, but I don't get there as much. No house to go to and the boardwalk, while having many of the same rides I loved as a kid, no longer speaks to my teenagers. Fortunately it did when they were younger.
There are parts of me and what I've always loved that are still alive and well, sports and rock music. I still like to read, but haven't found the time. What I value in this world and what I think is truly important also have their roots in the younger self, but are more nuanced now.
What I hope I never lose or have nuanced is that child like trust. The one that Jesus talks about his disciples really needing to have in order to make it in this world. I battle cynicism and paranoia both within myself and with those that I encounter.
I'd like to trust authority, but I'm not there yet. I'll respect it, but from a distance. Maybe if it were really there for me, the trust would be easier.
Blessings,
Ed
Well today starts the second half of 2011. It was a slow day. I'm not all the amped about holiday weekends, I have to work each day, so yawn for me.
As a child summer time for me really was much more about the month of August. That is when my father took his vacation time from the parish. My mom, as a teacher, had the whole summer off anyway. I'm sure my love for travel and seeing our great country is directly related to that childhood. While I don't take whole months off, I'm looking forward to showing my sons pieces of our country and a lot of a shared love, baseball.
As I watched the news tonight, mostly about people heading for the shore, I was again reminded of my past. My grandparents having a house in Ocean City. Walking along the beach, eating Campbell's Seafood. The magic of the boardwalk.
I live closer to Ocean City now than I did as a child, but I don't get there as much. No house to go to and the boardwalk, while having many of the same rides I loved as a kid, no longer speaks to my teenagers. Fortunately it did when they were younger.
There are parts of me and what I've always loved that are still alive and well, sports and rock music. I still like to read, but haven't found the time. What I value in this world and what I think is truly important also have their roots in the younger self, but are more nuanced now.
What I hope I never lose or have nuanced is that child like trust. The one that Jesus talks about his disciples really needing to have in order to make it in this world. I battle cynicism and paranoia both within myself and with those that I encounter.
I'd like to trust authority, but I'm not there yet. I'll respect it, but from a distance. Maybe if it were really there for me, the trust would be easier.
Blessings,
Ed
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