Reflections for 3/12/12

Today was one of those days were you just don't know what's coming.  Felt flat at first.  A good Caramel Machiatta with a friend help kick some things loose.  I waited for someone to later go home and see the email that they weren't coming.  Probably just as well, might have ruined my good mood from the Machiatto.

Then this afternoon I went out to do what I often do in the afternoons visit a shut in.  Upon arriving at the house the neighbor was leaving and as we said hello the neighbor decided they needed to share that they had no time for religion. God had taken her husband and two sons.  And then out the door she went.

At first I wanted to say "on behalf of the whole church in paradise and on earth, I apologize."  I don't know why I thought that.  It isn't my place or my job to apologize on behalf of God.  I know that person felt pain and betrayal and because I'm wearing a collar I'm the easiest person to take that out on.  Honestly its not the worse thing that's ever been said to me because of what I represent, but it still takes me aback.

I doubt any of us fully realize what we may represent to others, both positively and negatively.  It sucks to be lumped into a generalized negative, especially when the other party doesn't seem interested in learning what you might believe or hearing what you might have to say.

There is also the truth that we can't shy away from whom we are.  It's one thing to say I might be "X" but I'm not like those other "Xs", but ultimately you better be ready to say what being who you are really means.

Blessings,
Ed

Reflections for 3/11/12

There is an old time hymn entitled I need thee every hour.  It came to a friends mind this morning as he marked our lamented, (I'm not sure which) the return of Daylight Savings Time.  I will admit that I could have used that extra hour, I'm still tired and not sure I ever fully woke up this morning.  This is not good when you need to be leading worship.

I know like everyone else I'll adjust and it will be fine when the sun is up for a long time.  And when the outdoor activities commence.  But for today I'm just tired.

Time is a funny thing, it is one of those parts of life to which we are given only so much and continually wish we had more.  I was thinking about reflecting on this eleven days ago, when February gave us an extra day.  On that day I wondered if anyone ever thought about taking advantage of it and playing catch up.  Probably not.  I know for me it was just another day.  Hopefully something got accomplished outside of the usual, but I don't recall anything outstanding.

And then there is today.  The day where the government takes an hour from us, and gives it back 8 months later.  I've read the history and I suppose there are good reasons for it.  I do know this, I am sure it was intentionally put on a Saturday so as not to make people late for work, church maybe but work never.

What would you do with that extra hour if you could claim it anytime in the next eight months?  If you new that every four years you would get an extra day that you didn't have to worry about what day it fell on.  It was yours as a free gift?

My guess is most of us think we know what we would do with more time, we always hope for it.  Yet I think we also fear having more time, because we actually might not know what to do.

Blessings,
Ed

Reflections for 3/10/12

So where have I been, what have been up to?  Have I had nothing to reflect on?  Hardly.  I think like many things in life we sometimes need to put things down for a little while and come back to them.

I will say that I was in California earlier in the week.  I went to a conference called Gathering of Leaders.  It is a collegial group with other Episcopal clergy.  This is the third "Gathering" that I've been to.  I will admit that each time I go, I'm impressed by the creativity and energy that I witness in my peers.  It gives me hope for the church and for the world.  I also will admit that I come away sometimes scared. Scared that I don't measure up to these folks, or even worse that I could.

I think one of the things I realized about myself at this conference was that the thing I fear the most is myself.  I don't know why I scare me.  I'm not violent, I'm not crazy.  But something keeps me from really, as the Army puts it, "being all I can be."  Perhaps I fear success. I know I fear rejection.  There are times when I can be a big brave dog, and other times I need to be reminded of Christopher Robinson's advice to Pooh Bear "you are braver than you believe, and smarter than you think."

I don't know why I can't get out of my own way, but I know that if I could see myself as others apparently do, to quote Dr. Seuss, "oh the place I could go."

Blessings,
Ed

Reflections for 3/10/12

So where have I been, what have been up to?  Have I had nothing to reflect on?  Hardly.  I think like many things in life we sometimes need to put things down for a little while and come back to them.

I will say that I was in California earlier in the week.  I went to a conference called Gathering of Leaders.  It is a collegial group with other Episcopal clergy.  This is the third "Gathering" that I've been to.  I will admit that each time I go, I'm impressed by the creativity and energy that I witness in my peers.  It gives me hope for the church and for the world.  I also will admit that I come away sometimes scared. Scared that I don't measure up to these folks, or even worse that I could.

I think one of the things I realized about myself at this conference was that the thing I fear the most is myself.  I don't know why I scare me.  I'm not violent, I'm not crazy.  But something keeps me from really, as the Army puts it, "being all I can be."  Perhaps I fear success. I know I fear rejection.  There are times when I can be a big brave dog, and other times I need to be reminded of Christopher Robinson's advice to Pooh Bear " you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." 


I really do wish that I could get out of my own way.  I also wish I could see myself as apparently others do.