Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Reflections for 5/31/11

"To be bored is to turn down cold whatever life happens to be offering you at the moment. It is to cast a jaundiced eye at life in general including most of all your own life. You feel nothing is worth getting excited about because you are yourself not worth getting excited about." (F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 142)

As a parent I have often heard the words I'm bored.  You could be in a house full of toys and be bored. And one of the worst parts of boredom is that it dulls the mind. Even though there are plenty of things to do, boredom kills motivation.  That homework, housework, taking a walk, none of it happens.

While I might not communicate my boredom verbally, I know that I too get bored. The great religious word for it is acedia. It is one of the seven deadly sins. I thought sloth and gluttony had me, but really they follow the lead of acedia.

I know this because when I'm bored, I don't get much done.  When I'm busy, I actually get a lot done.  Those down times that come that most people would use to regroup or catch up, wind up creating a slothful Ed, or if there's food a glutton.

The only way I know out of boredom is to get busy. Too much time for me is a danger.  And when I"m at my lowest, it gets easy to get bored by even things that usually get me going.

Blessings,
Ed

Monday, May 30, 2011

Reflections for 5/30/11

"We search for a self to be. We search for other selves to love. We search for work to do. And since even when to one degree or another we find these things, we  find also that there is still something crucial missing which we have not found, we search for that unfound thing too, even though we do not know its name or where it is to be found or even if it is to be found at all."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life." p. 142)

I've heard people say life is a journey perhaps a quest.  I've never heard about life as a search, though I have a feeling that may be closer to the reality. 

As a teenager we try hard to search for who we really are. All kinds of experimentation, watching the reactions of others as we attempt to determine who we are and how we fit in.  In our relationships we may search for that perfect mate. Companies like Eharmony are doing that.  40 levels of compatibility, before you've even met the person.  When we are looking for a job we are in a search. I went through a job search right after college, and as a priest, I enter into search processes, though I haven't in a while.

A search can be frustrating when we aren't as sure of what we are looking for.  When we are clear about our own dreams and visions, the searching becomes less of a wandering.  And yet sometimes when we think we've found what I'm looking for, the reality is that U2 may have been right. "We still haven't found what we're looking for."

Blessings,
Ed

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Reflections for 5/29/11

"Because the promises that are given are not just promises to love the other when the other is lovely and lovable, but to love the other for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, and that means to love the other even at half-past three in the morning when the baby is crying and love each other with a terrible cold in the head and when the bills have to be paid."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 140)

This summer I will be officiating at three weddings. Two of the brides are people who were in my youth group in the past, young ladies that I've know since they were teenagers and younger.  The other couple it is a second marriage for both. I haven't known them as long, but feel privileged to be a part of their new life together.

I don't know how many weddings I've officiated at over the years.  Frankly they're not my favorite part of my job.  Yet I do think that the promises made are somewhat awesome.  I like the vows in the Book of Common Prayer, very simple, very direct.  They invite a couple to really understand that life together will not always be a Kodak moment.  But the love that brought them together will help them through the not so pleasant times. Yet that is often the times when things start to fall apart.  I do think that part of the problem is that couples forget that they have people who promised to support them in their new life together. Yet there is something within our nature that causes us to withdraw or shut down at the very time that we need help.

I can't say that every wedding I've officiated at is still going strong.  Some certainly are.  I know as someone who has been married for almost 21 years, to truly enjoy the good times, I have to learn how to work through the rough patches.

Blessings,
Ed

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Reflections for 5/28/11

"The life that I touch for good or ill will touch another life, and that in turn another, until who knows where the trembling stops or in what far place and time my touch will be felt. Our lives are linkied together. No man is an island."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 139-140)

There was terrific movie "Pay it Forward" in which the principle of this quote is shown quite well.  There is also an ad on tv for I think New York Life which also shows this ideal.

Do I really have that profound an effect on the world?  Probably and in ways I don't even know.  When I'm seen at my best or my worst, by another person, I have an impact. That impact may be small, perhaps I made them laugh or aggrevated them.  Even if they weren't the intended audiance, they may still have their day affected.

I know that I am impacted by the actions of other people.  Whether I'm directly involved or just a casual witness.  So I try regularly to remind myself befor I lace into someone, that I might feel momentarily better, but all I've done is transferred my bad mood to someone else.

So whether it is us as individuals, or as a church, a group, or a nation or actions have reverberations all over the place, because we are bound by a common humanity.

Blessings,
Ed

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Reflections for 5/11/11

"The almighty and merciful God pardon and deliver you, forgive you every face you cannot look upon with joy."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 119)

I feel fortunate that there are very few faces that I cannot look upon with joy.  Or at least faces of people who are or were important to me.  I'm sure there are some politicians whose face doesn't bring me joy. 

I do wonder though about the faces that I feel neither joy nor anger towards.  Do I need to be forgiven for the faces I feel indifferent towards.  While I may not be hostile towards them, is there a callous indifference towards others that keeps me from enjoying life fully?  Is ignoring my fellow human beings who are suffering or feel oppressed almost as bad as disliking them intensely?

That's a hard question.  I may need to be forgiven for those places where I could have done something but couldn't muster enough energy to care.

Blessings,
Ed

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Reflections for 5/10/11

"Tell her he forgives her for being lonely and bored, for not being full of joy with a houseful of children,. That's what sin really is. You know-not being full of joy."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p.119)

Sin, that nasty religious word.  A word that all of us have, that dwells somewhere within us.  If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, the Bible tells us.  There are pastors out there who constantly harp on sin, pointing fingers, and letting folks have it. Usually they are ignoring there own rather large logs in their own eyes.

I've always defined sin as revealing broken relationships.  Our relationships with God, our neighbors and ourselves.  There are actions that are sinful because they negatively impact those relationships.  But I sort of like Buechner's definition, "not being full of joy."  I wonder if it might be more accurate to say that the absence of joy in one's life leads to the sinful behavior. As we try to fill some void where joy seems to be unable to break through and we take a short cut and oops we're even less joyful than when we started.

I suppose for me to keep from caving in, I need to find joy in the what I have materially, spiritually and relationally.  They are all good and more than enough. When I see that sin doesn't have much of a chance.

Blessings,
Ed

Reflections for 5/9/11

"What she asked him to do for me was walk back through my memory, as though it was a long hall. She asked him to open all the closed doors, and to bless whatever he found inside."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p.119)

My grandfather lived in a 3 story Victorian in Haddonfield NJ.  I have vivid memories of that home and could give you a talking tour of my memories of each room.  The third floor still stands out in my mind. I can still see it, and I can still recall the feelings I had as a 1st and 2nd grader walking up there. 

There were closets at the foot of each landing, with a closed door, you didn't open those doors, who knew what was behind them. You then ran to the end of the hall. there were three doors at the end. The center door was to my mother's room, when she was a teen.

I like the idea that memories are like long halls with closed doors.  Occasionally doors get opened that I've forgotten what lies behind them.  I can be pleasantly surprised by some things I've forgotten about.  There are also doors that I know exactly what lies behind them, and wish to leave them shut.  Though perhaps opening them and letting some light in might heal the pain.  And of course there are those doors that hold memories that when I need to remind myself that all is not lost, I can run down the hall and open them up as well.

Blessings,
Ed

Monday, May 9, 2011

Reflections for 5/8/11

"Nicolet watched a butterfly open and close its wings on a cannon ball."(F.Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p.118)

In everyday life we get to see things that at first glance do not seem like much. Yet the more we think about them, the stranger the contrast, the more it leads to a deeper thought.

The above quote at first felt like a throw away sentence to me.  Alright I said, I'm sure I've seen butterflies sitting on statues, benches or something else.  But on a deeper level what a contrast.  A butterfly seemingly very delicate, often beautiful, just flitting around, not going in a particularly straight line.  I am sure they have a specific purpose in the circle of life other than to delight my eyes.  And there it is contrasted with a cannon ball. Hard, non-feeling, quite destructive when used. More than likely sitting dormant as a statue in the quote. 

A butterfly brings images of spring and life. The cannon ball, of death and some faded glory.

And I suppose that the reality of all of our lives can be encapsulated in that contrasting image.  A butterfly, free to fly, a cannonball destined for a hardened purpose.  I know which side of me I like better.

Blessings,
Ed

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Reflections for 5/7/11

"The joke of it is that often it is the preacher who as steward of the wildest mystery of them all is the one who hangs back, prudent, cautious, hopelessly mature and wise to the last when no less than Saint Paul tells him to be a fool for Christ's sake, no less than Christ tells him to be a child for his own and the kingdoms sake."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" pp.116-117)

I'm not a good judge of my preaching.  People tell me they find my sermons interesting, that they always give them something to think about.  And of course there's always the nice sermon Father, really enjoyed the message.  I have been told that I clearly don't know Jesus once by a Baptist. I didn't know what to do with that one.

I probably am cautious and prudent in my preaching because there is a part of me that doesn't wish to offend from the pulpit.  I rarely give any political opinions and try to find a reasonably common experience from the bible readings appointed that day.

I certainly have been known to be funny and a little bit crazy from time to time, but not in a way that would divide the hearers.

Could I see a time when I might take bolder steps in my preaching. Maybe. But I try to know what my congregation needs to hear and what they can bear.

Blessings,
Ed

Reflections for 5/6/11

"Who can say when or how it will be that something easters up out of the dimness to remind us of a time before we were born and after we will die?"(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 116)

I saw that phrase easters up and had to pause for a moment and think about it. I'm pretty familiar with the big "E" Easter, the day and the season, but have never seen it used as a verb.  For me it brings the idea of something coming back to life that hadn't been for awhile. either in thought or deed.

I know that hearing a song on the radio can often take me back to a different time in my life.  And at the same time, because my musical taste hasn't changed much it also is a part of my present.  Certainly pictures do this. When you see an old photo and try to recall what was going on.  And I suppose just about any of our senses do this for us.

It is part of that bringing the past into the present.  I try not to make it an escape from my present back to something in the past, that probably wasn't as grand as I recall, but still important.

Having just been back to my seminary, I'd have to say that it didn't have the same hold on me. I saw some familiar faces, but not a lot of them.  The buildings are the same physically but are not the same emotionally.
I hope this summer to visit my college in Iowa.  I understand that much has changed physically.  It will be interesting to see if being there easters anything up.

Blessings,
Ed

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Reflections for 5/5/11

"When Jesus is asked who is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven, he reaches into the crowd and pulls out a child with a cheek full of bubble gum and eyes full of whatever a child's eyes are full of and says unless you can become like that, don't bother to ask."(F.Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 115)

I'm blessed to have kids.  Yes they can sometimes be a challenge. Sometimes they know how to push my buttons, but just as often, if in fact not more often, I enjoy their company.  Part of it may be that I watch them try to maneuver awkwardly through life, just as I did.  Part of it is that we happen to enjoy the same things, sports, loud music.

Not every thing they do reminds me of me.  Nor should it. But when  I observe their interaction with their world in all its goofiness, there are times that I'm reminded that there's still basically a big kid in me.

I still want to have fun. I still believe I know everything, and yet continue to learn.  I still basically want to be loved and accepted.  There is an enthusiastic energy in many kids, and we adults would do well to become like that.

There are certainly challenges and temptations that my kids face that I didn't.  And while I have no wish to go back to my own childhood, I wouldn't mind tapping into some of what I see going on with young people.

I said at the beginning that my sons can sometimes be challenging and annoying, and push my buttons. Funny thing, there are adults who do the same thing.  And yet like my sons, I still enjoy their company quite often.

Blessings,
Ed

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Reflections for 5/4/11

"Then during a lull, one of the men turns to the other and recites a speech of Caliban's out of the Tempest."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 114)

Have you ever had a quote or a lyric pop into your head for no apparent reason?  Or perhaps when you're in the middle of a discussion and something similar occurs.

When my whit is at its best, I can do it rapid fire.  I'm sometimes surprised by what song, or quote enters the part of my brain that controls the speech and sends it forth.  Hopefully in ways that are insightful, or at least elicit a laugh.

Of course there are also times when I get that look of where did that come from.

The more we read, and the more we engage culture at different levels, the more we have to say. Sometimes for the good, sometimes for a good laugh. And then again sometimes because we need to show just how smart we think we are. Those are the times to avoid.

Blessings,
Ed

Reflections for 5/3/11

"We do our twenty minutes of meditation a day in the hope that, properly stilled, our minds will stop just reflecting back to us the confusion and multiplicity of our world."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p.113)

I wonder what it would be like to actually have 20 minutes to intentionally sit still and be quiet.  While I do have times in my day that get quiet, they are not intentional.  I am usually waiting for something to happen.

I think that having a set time for meditation or prayer is actually essential to make it work.  I'm not sure that there is a specifically ideal time for it.  Mornings are nice because we can clear our mind in order to face the day ahead.  Midday has the advantage of decompressing what the morning brought.  Night time helps to let the day go in order to fully shut the mind off, in order to get to sleep.

I do know that the times when I can keep the discipline of prayer or meditation, I feel stronger mentally and physically.  Priorities become clearer and anxieties lessen.  It is those kind of things that make prayer and meditation not just a Christian activity, but an aspect of just about any religious traditions.

Blessings,
Ed

Monday, May 2, 2011

Reflections for 5/2/11

"There are two ways of remembering. One is to make an excursion from the living present back into the dead past. The old sock remembers how things used to be when you and I were young, Maggie. The faraway look in his eyes is partly the beer and partly that he's really far away.  The other way is to summon the dead past back into the living present. The young widow remembers her husband and he is there beside her."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p.112-13)

I was up late watching the Phillie's game last night, when the news that Osama Bin Laden had been killed by a well executed military assault.  I won't say that I was sad to hear that he was dead.  The man was my generations face of evil.  I also will admit that hearing chants of USA at the ball game didn't do much for me either.  Yet the more I thought about it, I began to understand how this death really stirred memories for many folks.

For those who lost loved ones in the 9/11 attacks and in  the continuing "wars" that we are engaged in across the globe, there will be the reminder that this person was the primary mastermind of their loss.  And perhaps his death brought their memories into even more of focus.  Hard to imagine they are ever truly forgotten, just as this death will never bring complete closure.

For someone like me his death brings back the images and memories of that moment. It reminds me that while one individual might be dead, the causes he believed in did not die with him. 

Part of me would love to go back to the pre-9/11 America, at least the parts where I didn't feel threatened. Yet another part knows that here in the present is where I am.  What we do once the euphoria of Bin Laden's death dies down, remains to be seen.

Blessings,
Ed

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Reflections for 5/1/11

"But the best part of the story is the short, no-nonsense prayer with which he married her. 'And now I take not this my sister for lust, but in truth,' he said. 'command that I and she may find mercy and grow old together. Amen'(Tobit 8:8-9) Never has the knot been more securely or simply or eloquently tied, and it's small wonder that it lasted them through a long and happy marriage that did not come to an end until Tobias died in peace at the age of one hundred and seventeen."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p.112)

There was a wedding this weekend. Well there was probably more than one, but certainly the most talked about wedding was the one in England between Will and Kate.  The couple certainly looked marvelous.  The day seemed filled with joy throughout the realm.  While I didn't see the service, by all accounts it was very reverent and what a wedding should be.  No surprise really, we Anglicans know how to do liturgy.

I hope for them and for every couple that started their lives together yesterday that it will be "until death do them part."  Is there a secret to such success?  That I don't know.  I suppose a good part of the potential starts with a right beginning.  Why is that person you are choosing to hopefully spend the rest of your life with, the right one?

As I look back on my own courtship etc., what did I see in Gail.  Certainly she's pretty, but what I really remember about our first date was how she showed an interest in the Bush-Dukakis debate.  Current events and an intelligent conversation were also present. 

When we got married there was more than just a physical attraction, though that was certainly there.  We also had the Tobit passage read at our wedding.  That prayer continues to be the foundational hope for me, that she and I may grow old together.  I suppose in our mid 40's we're not quite old, but we're still together and seem to be heading towards fulfilling that promise.

For those reading this who might be married or partnered, what about your husband, wife, life partner caught your fancy? What keeps you wanting to grow old together still?  How do you keep each day feeling like it was your first date?

Blessings,
Ed