Monday, May 31, 2010

Reflections for 5/31/10

"Sadly, I don't think most people want to be freed from their sin. We've grown comfortable with it, almost become friends with it. It pads our insecurities. We don't know how to live without it. We've lived so long with our fears, we don't know how we would e without them. We've made friends with our sinfulness. For example, we may have based our marriage on unforgiveness for twenty years. How could we change it? or maybe we love to be angry. Our anger is what drives us day after day, our anger at our father or mother, our anger at the system, our anger at our work. We live on our anger, we feed on our anger. Most of us don't want to be freed from our sin. We've lived with our darkness so long we are comfortable with it. Our lives are full of sacred cows and hot potatoes, areas where we indulge our sin. No one can touch them."(R. Rohr "Radical Grace" p. 206)

One of the hardest things to change is a sacred cow. This is true not only for an institution like a church, but is true for individuals as well.

You will know something is a sacred cow when confronting it or questioning it, causes discomfort. When it looks like something might actually change and the system pushes back, you know you've discovered the sacred cow. Perhaps another way of putting it is "addressing the elephant in the room."

When I look at myself, the sacred cow for me would probably either be gluttony or sloth. I'm sure there are others but those two come immediately to mind. I'm working on the gluttony especially around food, but the sloth feeds the gluttony. And it is very true that I find more excuses for the sloth than almost anything. Even when the proverbial light bulb goes on and I can see clearly how that behavior is hindering my ability to fully live into my potential, I find it hard to show it the door.

I probably need to fully recognize the difference between a comfortable shoe and one that has holes everywhere and is barely being held together.

Yet as I get closer to exorcising those aspects of my life, the closer I get to seeing more clearly the image of God within. I just need to keep wanting it gone, and believe that the new person that emerges will be even better.

Blessings,
Ed

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Reflections for 5/30/10

"Boys, I don't think you're ready for this yet. Just stay back there. I don't think you're ready for what's happening. You're probably going to go on another thousand years trying to explain. "this means this" and "That means that" instead of quite simply diving into the abyss, where it doesn't make a lot of sense, where there aren't a lot of answers, where there's only mystery, journey and impassioned God. God oft-times doesn't give a lot of answers but just keeps telling us who we are. God just keeps inviting us into that place where love is alive and where God is in love." (R. Rohr "Radical Grace" p. 205)

Today is "Trinity Sunday", the day when some churches celebrate the doctrine of the Trinity. A doctrine that has been articulated but never in such a way that anyone ever truly gets it.

I for one will own the Trinity from a faith statement, and can creedaly state things about it. But until I just let myself be in relationship with God, I'll never fully appreciate it.

I wouldn't say that I've found all the answers to life's problems in the Trinity, but I have found a relationship within which to work through, and even endure some of them.

The invitation from God is not an intellectual assent, but a heart felt commitment the relationship.

Blessings,
Ed

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Reflections for 5/29/10

"Experience is the only honest place to begin. Because even when we don't admit that we're beginning out of human experience, we do anyway. We begin out of our so-called first principles, but even those are planted in the experience of Italian people, German people, American people or African people, who all read it through their own eyes but don't admit it. And that's why the gospel has been so culturally trapped. We assume we've all been true to our totally objective first principles of philosophy and theology. But in fact it's all filtered through the cultural eyes, prejudices and assumptions of each country....We've got to be honest enough to admit that. Deductive theology never worked anyway except in the textbooks, and for those few who lived there. Every viewpoint is a view from a point."(R. Rohr "Radical Grace" p.202)

Experience is something everyone has. Unless you've never moved out of your cell, never watched anything but the clouds go by, you have experience. And even those drastic things are experiences themselves.

Our experiences are what I often refer to as lenses. They affect how I view the world. How I process information. There is nothing in my life that is not truly first filtered through those lenses. The lenses of course become very obvious when my experience clashes with someone else's.

How many times in your life can you recall having a heated discussion with someone. Usually based on what happened or what something means. The problem is that we don't own our biases up front, yet argue vehemently from them. Doesn't matter what the topic is, or what the decision confronting us is.

In the Anglican Communion we like to trot out our "three-legged stool" of scripture, tradition and reason. These are supposed to be the three ways we make theological decisions. One of the things I've noticed is that we ignore experience here. It has been suggested that experience is perhaps a fourth leg. I have a different thought. Most stools have a ring around the legs of the stool. Without that ring, if you sat on the stool it would collapse. Experience is that ring. I read scripture through my experience. I view tradition through my experience. All reasoning is fueled by my experience.

This is not to say that experience has the final word. However we do need to start owning our experiences before entering into deeper debates. We also need to honor the experiences of others that may be different than ours, rather than forcing them to conform to ours.

Faith for me will always be more about how I experience God, not about what I've read about God or what I think.

Blessings,
Ed

Friday, May 28, 2010

Reflections for 5/28/10

"People from privileged backgrounds expect that path always to be paved; they expect everything to work out. When it doesn't, they're not only disappointed, they feel wronged. They thin, How dare reality not work out for me! Why should I have to suffer? How dare the air conditioner not work!"(R. Rohr "Radical Grace" p. 200-201)

There's a part of me that doesn't feel privileged. Yet I know fully well that I am. While I may not be the wealthiest person in the world, and have all the latest gadgets, I'm not starving. Nor do I have work two or more jobs just to make ends meet.

I can't say that everything goes the way I would hope for me. But I've learned not to expect it either. Even if I give it my best, I may not succeed. The only consolation is that I'll know that it wasn't because of who I am.

I have to laugh at the last line, because this week the condenser in the central air conditioner died. It is of course fixable, but the "poor Zelley's" had to open the windows and use fans during those 3 days of 90+ degree weather. Having not grown up with even a window unit, I survived. But it was a good reminder that there are plenty of people in this country for whom even a fan is a luxury item.

Yes I am privileged in many ways. Obstacles that exist for others may not be in my way. The real question is am I willing to use my place of privilege to help others or only myself.

Blessings,
Ed

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Reflections for 5/27/10

"Blaise Pascal said all human evil comes into the world because people can't sit still in a chair for thirty minutes! I hope that's an exaggeration. Maybe he's saying that running from silence is undoubtedly running from our souls, ourselves, and therefore, from God."(R. Rohr "Radical Grace" p. 200)

One of the many great moments in the Bible is Elijah hiding in the cave. He comes out when he hears the sound of sheer silence. All the other stuff, earthquakes, wind, and fire, did not signal God's presence. Only silence.

At our Lay Reader meeting this month, that passage came up, and we talked about sheer silence and how that is seemingly impossible to get. As we sat in the room, the hum of the lights and the nearby refrigerator kept a level of din going.

I do believe that most of us would be very afraid of sheer silence, whether we believed that is where God is to be encountered or not. Because of that fear, we do all that we can to have some level of noise happening.

Silence is an incredibly hard discipline. So is sitting still. We live in a world that even those who have not been diagnosed as having ADHD behave as if we do. A silent retreat is still something I would not choose for myself, but when forced to do it, have found it incredibly relaxing. I will also admit that I need to be isolated from other people to pull it off.

I'm not a quiet person generally. My secular music taste is loud. Even the church hymns that I love tend to be the more bombastic. My house is not quiet either.

So it may be that with all that chosen noise, periods of self-imposed silence may be incredibly important.

I don't know how long I could truly sit still without falling asleep. I don't know that I'm running from God, with all that din. But it is not outside the realm of possibility that in fact by avoiding silence, I may be avoiding and therefore missing something truly important that needs to be heard.

Blessings,
Ed

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Reflections for 5/26/10

"Saving one's soul and falling in love with God are two very different journeys. Because we told our people to save their souls, they got into spiritual consumerism, gathering sacraments, holy works, ascetical practices-all affirming the false self. Now we've got these big Christian egos walking around, who are very self-protective, satisfied and conservative in the wrong way. Conversion is not on their agenda."(R. Rohr "Radical Grace p. 199)

"Are you saved?" Three words that I loathe being accosted by in parking lots, street corners and other public places. The problem is not that I don't know my answer to that question, I do. The answer is I am. Unfortunately I know that the inquisitor will not take that answer, because it will not allow them to tell me why I'm not.

I know why I'm saved, and I know how it happened. I also know that joining that person's church will not lead to salvation. I'm also far more interested in the journey of falling in love with God. Jesus took care of my soul on the cross, by denying that or trying to work my way into his good graces defeats and mocks the whole salvation story.

Unfortunately the churches have had to buy into the consumerist culture, we use its language and methodology instead of creating space for folks to encounter the living God and work on that ongoing love affair with God.

And the more religious stuff we can accumulate the more puffed up we become. And as churches sell their souls to a competitive business model, we fulfill scripture by biting and devouring each other.

It does feel hopeless at times living in that world. One where it has to always be about me. Instead of seeing and valuing the shared love for God that folks who claim that faith have.

Blessings,
Ed

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Reflections for 5/25/10

"Saints, like all of us, are forgiven sinners. But saints have rejoiced in forgiveness and not been overwhelmed by sin. Many of them, frankly were ignorant, biased, broken and neurotic. That gives me hope."(R. Rohr "Radical Grace" p. 198)

For a Christian a saint is supposed to be a hero of the faith, a role model for living more fully into the relationship with God.

Often we acquaint sainthood with being perfect, never doing anything wrong. That of course would not be a saint that would make you Christ. A saint is a role model primarily by showing how to accept forgiveness, how not to let sin be the final definition of who you are.

A fuller look at most of the Saints lives will show flaws. Will reveal choices that seem contradictory to what we think a saint does. Yet there's that line in the great hymn about the saints "the saints of God are just folk like me, and I mean to be one true.

The message would seem to be that in spite of our brokenness, in spite of those times when we fail to commend the faith that is in us, we are given another chance, and another and another. At times this seems unjust, certainly from a human understanding it is. But from the perspective of God, our standards aren't so divine.

Blessings,
Ed

Monday, May 24, 2010

Reflections for 5/24/10

"Yes, our eyes are opening. We're discovering that we North Americans just might be the most unliberated, and therefore the most ready for liberation. We who have the greatest blindness think we don't need liberation. We think Time and Newsweek tell us the whole truth, and we are content with that worldview. We must fight that blindness with vision."(R. Rohr "Radical Grace" p. 197)

I have to admit I too have a "worldview." It is like most things slightly tinted and filtered through an array of experiences and certainly biases.

I will also admit that while I like to filter my news through the comedy lenses of Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert, I know that they have a bias. I've generally asked of most "news" what the source is. I have yet to find any unbiased reporting.

While print media is waning in influence, we could just as easily change Time and Newsweek to some Cable News Channel or some internet blog. All of them just as biased in their reporting.

What I have found much more eye opening is to try and be in conversation with those who are different than me. Rather than assuming that I know what they are really thinking, I'd rather get it straight from the source. That of course is not easy to do.

I also have found that another good way of figuring out what is the truth, is to ask questions of myself. Why am I responding in this way? What within myself needs addressing? Why does this push my buttons? And then perhaps move onto, how might my faith inform my reaction.

I probably need some liberation from my suburban world view. That will take time, it's pretty much all I've ever known. But how freeing to allow others to have their story authenticated rather than filtered through my tinted lenses.

Blessings,
Ed

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Reflections for 5/23/10

"So the Church has always been afraid of the charismatic, has always feared those who speak of the Spirit because they cannot be easily organized. The Spirit blows where the Spirit will, like the wind: It comes from and goes where you know not."(R. Rohr "Radical Grace" p. 194)

Today is the Feast of Pentecost, the day when the church celebrates its birthday. The day when scripture tells us that the Holy Spirit descended on the disciples, making them apostles and allowing everyone to understand them. Sort of fixing the Tower of Babel story.

The charismatic movement in my denomination is not very strong. Not too many Episcopalians speak in tongues. That's not to say that we don't have gifts, charisms if you will, but they don't tend to be very out there.

I always enjoyed this day growing up. At my church we would send up red helium filled balloons with a message on them, religious of course, with the church's address on the other side. We would see if any got mailed back and how far they went.

You can't do balloons anymore, bad for the environment, so we'll have our flamboyant moment in a different way this morning. It will be something that isn't the norm, and is very creative. I look forward to it.

May the Holy Spirit enliven your life in some new and fantastic way today.

Blessings,
Ed

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Reflections for 5/22/10

"Fortunately, God has grown used to our small and cowardly ways. God knows that we settle for easy certitudes instead of gospel freedom. And God is determined to break through. The Spirit eventually overcomes the obstacles that we present and surrounds with enough peace so that we can face the 'wounds in his hands and his side.' We meet the true Jesus, wounds and all, and we greet our true selves for perhaps the first time. 'the two are almost the same. 'Peace be with you,' he says again."(R. Rohr "Radical Grace" p. 192-193)

Today is the Eve of Pentecost. The day when the church says that the Holy Spirit came as a gift from God to lead us. How interesting that we rarely allow that leadership to have any power. Give me the clearly marked directions to life. Not that risky stuff, where the outcome isn't a given. To trust in the Holy Spirit takes a real level of freedom and space.

I try to live in the Spirit. To just open the windows of the mind and heart and see where God leads.

I encounter lots of folks who give lip service to living in the spirit, but will back away from anything that does not fit neatly into their preconceived world view. They might even use the Bible to back them up, subversively denying the Spirit's ability to do anything in our own day. Maybe that's why we wax nostalgic for by gone eras.

What can you or I do when the doors of our heart seem barred to the Holy Spirit. Will we have enough courage to open up when the wind comes blowing through. Or will we once again bunker down and try to ride out the storm.

Blessings,
Ed

Friday, May 21, 2010

Reflections for 5/21/10

"When you can trust, as Gerald may says, that 'there is a part of you that has always said yes to God,' then you can trust your soul, even if you've gone down a lot of dead ends. Even those dead ends will be turned around. That's the providence of God. Trust that even your dead ends, your mistakes, your sins were still misguided attempts to find love. Don't hate yourself, just be honest with yourself! Even your sexual forays, your drug problems, your alcoholism-they were all misguided attempts to find the Great Love. Your heart of hearts says, I know the foundation of reality is love."(R. Rohr "Radical Grace" p. 191)

Most of life seems to be about choices. In seminary I enjoyed studying what is known as Process Theology. The original version is far more complicated than I understand, but the basic idea that I took from it was that every decision we make, God follows up with a corrective if needed, or waits for the next decision. And that these decisions keep happening almost every second. All of them interconnected.

When we think about those dead end choices we've made, they usually seem much bigger than a second by second one. And it can be overwhelming when we stop and take a look at those decisions to see how many dead ends our life has gone down.

The key is of course not to sit down at the dead end, but to turn around and get back on track, seeing what can be learned from it. Trying better to avoid that dead end or any dead end the next time.

Grace breaks through when we can see where we've made the wrong turn and are willing to be led back by that Great Love. Not abandoned, not verbally assaulted, but lovingly corrected and forgiven.

Blessings,
Ed

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Reflections for 5/20/10

"Yet faith happens in the in-betweens, the interruptions, the thresholds. It happens when I've left this room where I was in control, where I had my self-explanation, where I had my ego boundaries, where I had my moral sense of my own rightness and superiority."(R. Rohr "Radical Grace" p. 190)

I tend to be comfortable with ambiguity. Absolute certainty seems at times like a foreign concept to me. When I think I have the definite answer then all of sudden the question changes or some new challenge arises. What gets me through those times change and challenge has been faith.

Faith for me is not about being right all the time, or being better than anyone else. Faith for me is the ability to keep on keeping on even when things feel like they are not in my control anymore.

Faith is also for me the ability not to get to caught up in my own press clippings. Faith keeps me from getting to inflated either self or by others. When I allow that ego side to be in control, I become quite frustrated with my inability to move up the corporate ladder.

And then faith kicks in and says, you have what you need, you're doing what you're called to do. When that changes I'll let you know.

Blessings,
Ed

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Reflections for 5/19/10

"The saints are so aware that love is not something to be worked for-to be worked up to or learned in workshops. It breaks through now and then, in ways suddenly obvious. Maybe it's looking at a sunset or a beloved one; maybe it's a moment of insight or a gut intuition of the foundational justice and truth of all things. But when you discover love, you want to thank somebody for it. Because you know you didn't create it. You know you didn't practice it, you are just participating in it. Love is that which underlies and grounds all things. As Dante said, love is the energy, 'that moves the sun, the moon, and the other stars.'"(R.Rohr "Radical Grace" p. 189)

When I reflect on what motivates me, quite often it is love. I want to do things for my wife because I love her. I want to participate in the lives of my sons because I love them. The care and concern that I try to offer to the members of the church that I serve are born out of love for them.

The desire to be compassionate, to seek justice, mercy and peace come out of my love for God.

My exercising and attempting to eat better and to start planning a little more ahead of time, are born out of a love for myself.

I do want to live in a place where thankfulness is what is lived out. Thankfulness for what is really great in my life. Thankfulness for the lessons that can be learned when things don't go the way I thought they might.

Thankfulness for the people in my life that allow me to participate in love and who love me back.

Blessings,
Ed

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Reflections for 5/18/10

"To live in the Spirit is to live in the flow of relationship, with all that it offers you. It offers you the paschal mystery, the mystery of agony and ecstasy, light and darkness. A companion is a mirror who will show you your greatest and deepest beauty, and who will show you your greatest and deepest sin."(R. Rohr "Radical Grace" p. 188)

Interacting with other people is something an extrovert like me thrives on. There are folks who I brief encounters with, important to some extent, but we probably won't be forging into any kind of friendship. There are also acquaintances, folks who I know by name, have contact with somewhat regularly, but would not bare my soul to. Then there are folks to whom I would say I have a relationship with. By that I do not mean to imply sexual. What I mean is that these are folks who know all about me, not just what I choose to present.

There is of course my primary human relationship, my wife. She certainly knows what is truly wonderful about me. She also knows where I truly fall short, and yet still loves me anyway. I have a few very close friends to whom I confide. They are mirrors for me and hopefully I for them. And in spite of what we know of each other, our bond of friendship is incredibly strong.

There is also my relationship with the Christ, that is what it means to be a Christian. In that relationship, I also have a mirror that reveals to me what is good and what needs some work. And much like the human relationships, continues to accept me. There is an old spiritual "Oh how I love Jesus." The refrain sums it up best for me, "oh how I love Jesus, because he first loved me."

Live into that love and into all deep relationships is to see both the good and the not so good in ourselves and in others. To accept not only the praise, but also the truth spoken in love. That is what marks a relationship, truth spoken in love. Truth spoken just to criticize is not truth spoken in love, and is not living in a relationship.

I'll choose relationship over heavy handed opinions every day.

Blessings,
Ed

Monday, May 17, 2010

Reflections for 5/17/10

"The provident care of God is that God is working for our wholeness for our liberation, probably more than we. We can only keep our desire awakened, and keep ourselves out of the way so we can work together. It's co-creation spirituality. 'With such a God on our side, who can be against us?'(Romans 8:31)"(R. Rohr "Radical Grace" p. 187-188)

To a certain extent I'm an independent person. I don't want to be doing everything, but I have to keep reminding myself that it's okay to let others do things. In my best moments, I trust adults to do what they say they will and generally am not disappointed. Yet there's still that part of me that likes to be in control.

Allowing God to be a partner with me in working on Ed, is also hard. Our culture shuns dependent people, all the while creating them. And it is often hard to articulate how God is working in my life, yet I know that it is happening.

Keeping the desire for God's grace is not that hard. Allowing the Spirit to move in my life without trying to control it is always a challenge, though often a delight.

The one thing that I feel most assured of, is that one of my biggest fans is God. Encouraging, nudging and walking side by side with me.

Blessings,
Ed

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Reflections for 5/16/10

"Our task is to look at things as they are, and in all their seasons: in their agony, in their ecstasy. That will be your best teacher. Creation itself is the primary revelation of God and truth." (R.Rohr "Radical Grace" p.186)

At first I thought, I don't agree with this. Isn't scripture the primary revelation of God and truth? Isn't Jesus the primary revelation of God and truth? Of course it has been written of Christ that he is the first fruits of all creation. Before all of creation was the Word. Those are faith statements and I believe them.

When I meditate on the life of Jesus as revealed in scripture I definitely learn about God. I learn much of the interaction of God and humanity by reading the Bible. And then I think about the hymn How Great Thou art and am reminded how much of the beauty of the earth tells me about God. How each new discovery tells me about God. I find no threat to my faith in new discoveries. What I find is a deepening appreciation for the depths of God and how much more there is to know.

The difference really is that I don't see the trees as God, but an impression of God. I don't see humanity as God, but a revelation of the image.

While my grandfather wouldn't or couldn't articulate a concrete faith, he often said how as long as there were questions to be answered he believed there was something that went beyond science.

What a wondrous thing it would be if people of faith felt less threatened by science, and if science felt less threatened by faith.

Blessings,
Ed

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Reflections for 5/15/10

"I hope that we will have the courage to stop rewarding and confirming people's egos and calling it morality, ministry and Church. I hope that we will have lower expectations of leadership and the institution and therefore less need to rebel against it or unnecessarily depend upon it. After all, as the poet Rilke put it, 'There is no place on earth that isn't looking for you. You must change your life.' The Church cannot make that happen. It can only announce the possibility and offer its Risen Life as leaven and salt. I always wonder why such a glorious power and privilege is not enough. It is more than I ever hoped for or will ever do! Many people are upset with the Church because they expected to much from it."(R. Rohr "Radical Grace" p.185)

One of the few non-family things that has been a constant in my life is church. I can probably count on one hand the number of times I've ever missed a Sunday service. It is now a part of me.

I've never been very good at articulating why. I can only tell you that something feels very off for me when I even think about missing. A lot of it may have to do with the kind of church that I've been a member of. I've had much more room for asking questions. I've never felt that I've been told what to do, but have been given a good frame work within which to work out my own salvation. I've been blessed by good priests, who again didn't do miracles, aren't world famous, but in their own way left a positive impression on me and where good guides.

I'm not really a rebellious type. Some who know me may laugh at that, but its basically true. Perhaps my expectations of church have never been off the charts, and I've never been a part of a church that made promises it couldn't deliver on.

What my experience has been is that each church that I've been a part of at any time in my life was exactly where I needed to be and gave me what I needed for that part of the journey.

Blessings,
Ed

Friday, May 14, 2010

Reflections for 5/14/10

"Love does not happen without self-knowledge, patience and discernment."(R.Rohr "Radical Grace" p. 184)

How do you know when you are truly in love? The word love gets thrown around a lot. Every teenage going out scenario always involves saying "I love you." Having gone down that path myself I know that the love I have for my wife, is very different than that awkward teenage love. I believe the real difference is that I know myself much better than I did 30 years ago. I certainly am more patient than I was then. Almost 20 years of marriage happens because of patience with each other. And discernment plays a part in knowing what makes my beloved tick, what her strengths are, what her growing edges are, and knowing how to love the whole.

The same is true for my love for God. I understand myself as a Christian much better than I did as a young person. I can love God, because I know God loves me. I can be patient with God, because God is infinitely more patient with me. And I still seek discern the will of God for my life. And always have my ears, heart, and mind open to discerning God's presence.

I don't know that my love in either case is perfect, but I do believe it grows stronger each and every day. Love takes work and commitment. But the rewards are incredible.

Blessings,
Ed

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Reflections for 5/13/10

"Where does your heart usually go when it is free? Wherever it goes, that is your momentary God. How you use your time and are probably the most honest revelations of your real gods. The God who is in fact God waits like a patient but jealous lover. God's lordship is not dominating but enticing and seductive, and ever so patient."(R. Rohr "Radical Grace" p. 183-184)

I once heard a stewardship message that invited people to meditate on their datebooks and their checkbook registers. The speaker said that in those two things we would find out where our real priorities lie.

To me it is a sad truth, that I and most people that I know are slaves to their calendars. We try to make sure that every minute is covered, that we leave very little if any room for prayer time, for worship, or anything that even remotely resembles a sabbath.

A quick look at the checkbook register will probably show that in order to comfort ourselves we consume more than we really need. Most of which is a temporary fix and then we're left paying for it over a much longer period of time. Leaving no room again for charitable giving, or taking care of an unexpected emergency.

The message of faith has always been to put God first. Since I'm the first person up in the house, what would the rest of the day look like if my first words were "Good morning Lord, thank you for another day." It's not a 1/2 hour conversation, but it prioritizes. How about during the rest of the day? Is there time set aside specifically to do nothing other than be still and listen. Maybe with all those smart phones etc. it might be worth booking some prayer time. I do find that I have much more enthusiasm and energy for the more mundane tasks of living when I do that.

Which then brings us back to the check register. As a practicing Christian, the first part of my budget is what I'll give to my faith community. If you're not a church member, what organization does the type of ministry that you value. Write that first check to them. When I start with that first gift being to God, then I find that the other bills still get paid, and a clearer sense of better stewardship can evolve.

Blessings,
Ed

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Reflections for 5/12/10

"It's so humiliating to know that God uses your sin for God's purposes. We are imperfect, we are full of compulsions, yet this how we've been created by God! It's humiliating, but it's so freeing! Your sins and your gifts are two sides of the same coin. It seems you can't have one without the other."(R.Rohr "Radical Grace" p. 182)

If you have ever struggled with some kind of addiction or compulsion you know how hard it is to face yourself. As I exercise these days, I find that the mirrors in the gym are very revealing. While I have often thought that they were there so that the muscle headed narcissists could adore themselves, I have found that as I watch myself struggle with exercise, do to being overweight, I'm reminded of the overindulging of eating that brought me to this place. It's humiliating, since I knew what I once was, but is also a reminder of who I might be able to become.

They point to two sides of Ed, the overweight one and the one who loves himself enough to want to be healthy again. Without the weight problem there might be no motivation to exercise.

The sin doesn't have to cling so close anymore when you can face it, acknowledge it and choose to allow God to use it to get you back on track.

Blessings,
Ed

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Reflections for 5/11

"People who turn you off, people you're afraid of, have a message for you. We reject and hate our own faults in others. I'm not saying you have to go out and become best friends with them, but you should put up your antennae: They're triggering something within you. You need them."(R. Rohr "Radical Grace" p. 182)

I consider myself to be a reasonably flexible person. I will tend to try and find the good in most people. That is not to say that I want everyone to be my buddy. There are folks whose company I will take in very small doses. There are also those for whom their opinions are so important to them that any disagreement with those opinions will become suddenly a personal attack on them. I'll have to admit that is a real turn off for me.

So why should I pay any attention to folks who don't see the world the same way I do? I see two reasons: 1) By engaging them, I can get clearer about what I actually believe. 2) Perhaps they can help me understand something about myself.

What is that side of me that I ignore, because it bothers me. That by ignoring it, I hope it goes away or at least unnoticed. But the real question is when my buttons get pushed, is to take the time to ask, why did that bother me so much?

The answer to that question is one that I believe can come through prayer. By asking God to help me understand those folks who push my buttons, but also why my buttons get pushed. To ask for the grace to go beyond those feelings into a place of not necessarily agreeing but at least understanding.

I do have friends for whom there are places of disagreement with, politically, religiously and even on sports teams. Yet I can value them for the places of agreement, and not look to always convert them to my way of seeing things.

Blessings,
Ed

Monday, May 10, 2010

Reflections for 5/10

"God for many Western people today becomes a projected image of the self: what we need, like or want God to be. There's not really meeting the Other, the not me, the non-self."(R. Rohr "Radical Grace" p.181)

Genesis tells us that we are made in the image of God, yet, we spend most of our time making God in our image. This happens sometimes with the physical, the old white man with the beard images. If we let go of that, I still find that my own biases and opinions are often exactly the same as God's. This is in spite of the fact that scripture tells us that our ways are not like God's ways.

The problem is that while I may want God to be this everything is always right, God loves me warts and all, it ignores the reality that God does have some real expectations. The flip side is also true that if I'm a judgemental person, and I want God condemning everyone, I too have ignored the biblical witness.

The problem again is not the inconsistency of God, but the false impression that God sees everything the way I do. Instead God invites me to try to see the world from the Divine perspective. And that is not easy to do.

The beginning place in making that attempt is to first get real about our own biases, and our own prejudices. When we can be honest about our own shortcomings we may not need to project them onto God, and instead might be able to see God more clearly.

Blessings,
Ed

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Reflections for 5/9/10

"If there's one thing that human beings are attached to, it's their self-image, whether it's positive or negative. We need a self-image; there's nothing wrong with that. The spiritual problem is our attachment to it!...Those are the things that determine most people's lives . And most of us have to say, Am I free to be something other than that? Much of spiritual direction is aimed at helping people detach from false self-image. Amazingly, we are just as attached to negative and destructive self-images as we are to positive, flattering ones. In order for the Great Lover to be able to get at us, we must let go of our secret attachment to our self -image. It limits what we pay attention to, what we ignore, what kind of God-lover we will accept or avoid. We probably have to have a self-image, but just don't take it too seriously."(R. Rohr "Radical Grace" p. 180)

I wish I could say that I have a positive self-image all the time, but most people who know me will say that I often am self-deprecating, maybe beyond any reality.

Of course trumpeting one's self-image either by singing How Great I am, or by putting one's self down, the emphasis is still on me. And what that becomes is borderline idolatry. Very few people are as wonderful or miserable as they present themselves to be. We are all blessed with strengths and weaknesses. And the whole person warts and all is what truly matters.

Yet if we promote only the one side we head into a fantasy world. One that generally isn't all that wonderful.

I could do a little more acknowledging of what I do well, without getting to full of myself, and a little less of the self-deprecating without losing sight of those areas of needed growth.

Blessings,
Ed

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Reflections for 5/8/10

"We are all too trapped in our own places by virtue of the egocentricity of the human person. In prayer the Spirit entices us outside of our narrow comfort zone. No wonder we avoid prayer: We have to change places."(R. Rohr "Radical Grace p. 179)

Prayer for me continues to be a growing edge. As an Episcopalian, the Book of Common Prayer roots me and keeps me from getting diarrhea of the mouth, but in some ways also inhibits prayer.

It is in those times of non-corporate prayer that their is still room for growth. Sitting in silence for a time, just listening is very hard for me. As an extrovert, enforced silent prayer pushes me way out of my comfort zone. And yet some of the great aha moments usually come when I focus on the listening more than the speaking.

Would I rather lead and be out front, sure, would be in the wrong profession if I didn't. But in order to have something worth saying there, I need to listen over here.

Blessings,
Ed

Friday, May 7, 2010

Reflections for 5/7/10

"It's hard for us to even comprehend that two people living on the same planet could live in such utterly different worlds. The gospel isn't asking us to be do-gooders or altruistic, the big white fathers and big white mothers. I think it's calling for something that's really much harder than altruism and generosity (although that certainly is asked for in cases). The gospel is calling us into solidarity."(R. Rohr "Radical Grace" p.179)

One of the more enlightening moments I have had is when I've had to engage people from a different economic perspective than mine. Rather than just throwing money at a situation, the time that I have spent bagging food and engaging the folks who will receive that food has given me a greater appreciation for what I have and also a desire to seek ways to raise up those who don't.

Not every disparity in the world can be addressed overnight. But if at a minimum my eyes are opened to that disparity and not in a way that makes me look down on others then there may be some hope.

Of course there are other ways that I'm sometimes surprised by how two people can live on the same planet and view the world so differently. How even two people can read the same Bible and come to radically different conclusions. The question is am I willing to engage those folks as well. Find some common ground in which to engage in meaningful dialogue, rather than the usual superficial name calling. If more people would begin to try, perhaps the other systems that are in place, might also be transformed as well, and bring us back to the original point.

Blessings,
Ed

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Reflections for 5/6/10

"We must humbly admit that we really don't know much at all We have few right answers it seems to me, and even fewer conclusions. All we can be is what Jesus was present and enfleshed." (R. Rohr "Radical Grace" p. 178)

Have you ever been confronted with a situation or a question that you thought you should know the answer to and found that the answer just didn't come?

I have those moments from time to time and I have found that right then and there the answer seems to be just being there. Sometimes it is easy to forget that our presence is often all that another person needs. They aren't really looking for our advice. We don't need to be the wisest or smartest person in the room. But to be a steady, calming and assuring presence is worth its weight in gold.

There are things that I do know, some of it acquired from education, a goodly amount from being alive and engaged in the world. I readily admit that I don't have all the answers and am enough of "P" on the Myers-Briggs to not long for conclusions.

The interesting experience is often how if I don't rehearse the answers, don't arrive with conclusions in tow, that a few moments of presence often brings about the answers that are needed if any are needed, and the conclusion are reached, if needed. But sometimes being there is all that is required.

Blessings,
Ed

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Reflections for 5/5/10

"When we can acknowledge that no one owes us anything, that all of life is a gift, we move toward freedom. And in that freedom, the amazing thing is, we're able to enjoy our life, because we don't have to grasp it anymore. We don't have to prove or assert it anymore. We're finally allowed to sit back and to enjoy God's presence, and to enjoy our own, too. Now we can enjoy other people because we don't need them to meet our so-called needs."(R. Rohr "Radical Grace" p. 177)

Last night was an enjoyable night. The weather was perfect, cool, breathable air. I sat watching my son's baseball game and had no responsibility for the outcome. All I had to do was sit back and enjoy watching, cheer loudly and enjoy the friendly conversation of other adults doing the same thing.

Perhaps the freeing aspect was knowing I didn't owe anyone anything except to be there. And no one owed me anything.

It is hard sometimes to see life as a gift when you feel you're being deprived of something. Or when someone drops the ball or let's you down. Of course it is also hard to admit when we let ourselves down. And the more we focus on our shortcomings the less likely we want to be with ourselves or others.

So on what is another beautiful spring day in New Jersey, I think I'll try to enjoy life as much as possible. There will be days I'm sure when things aren't as great, so I need to enjoy them fully when they are.

Blessings,
Ed

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Reflections for 5/4/10

"If we believe that we are created in the image of God-'Male and female, God created them'-then half of God is what it means to be masculine. Half of God is what it means to be feminine. Anybody who only give you half of that truth is only giving half of the mystery of God. The journey for all of us is to find the opposite, the contrasexual. For men, this is called the anima, or feminine soul."(R. Rohr "Radical Grace" p. 176)

One of the flip cliches these days, is to say I'm getting in touch with my feminine side. What one is usually saying is that I'm doing some task that has been stereotyped as being a "woman" thing. And it doesn't take to much recollection to remember the harshness of the playground/locker room world, to recall how being called a girl, was about the worst insult you could give.

The problem with calling something masculine or feminine is that it is too sweeping a generalization. When a male acts in ways that are seen as "feminine" eg. compassionate, generous, a good host, it is often seen as a negative. And conversely if a woman acts in ways which are "masculine" eg. competitive, analytical, aggressive, they get labeled pretty quickly too.

What are truly unique are those folk who seem to have a good mix of what is positive in both traits, while still being true to who they are.

While God may be the perfect blend of male/female personality traits, all of us are an image of it. When there is good balance, we tend to be less toxic to others and to ourselves.

Blessings,
Ed

Monday, May 3, 2010

Reflections for 5/3/10

"In Luke 15, the story of the prodigal son. Jesus makes his most complete presentation of the character of this father, whom he called God. the father is in every way the total opposite of the male patriarch and even rejects his older son's appeal to a world of worthiness and merit. He not only allows the younger son to make choices against him, but even empowers him to do so by giving him money! After the son's bad mistakes, the father still refuses his own right to restore order or impose a penance, even though the prodigal son offers to serve as a hired servant. Both his leaving and his returning are treated as necessary but painful acts of adult freedom. In every way he can, the father makes mutuality and vulnerability possible." (R. Rohr "Radical Grace" p. 175)

If you were to take a poll of best known Bible citations, certainly in the top 5 would be Luke 15, known by many as the parable of the Prodigal Son, though it really is much more about the merciful father, and if you really want to go deep has a lot to say about the older brother.

Matter of fact I reminded someone of that as they were railing against a sibling in the same manner, and asked why they wanted to act like the older son? Of course it also happened that he is the oldest boy, but not the oldest child.

That freedom that is part of growing up, does have its price. For every family rebel out there, there are just as many of us, who stood by doing the right thing. Yet never being happy in that role.

It is true even when apply the parable to our spiritual life. As someone who's always been there, I have to guard against bitterness towards those who walk away and then come back, or who suddenly discover later in life what they're missing. I'd be much better served celebrating with them in their return or beginning of the journey, but it isn't easy, especially when they seem to get more attention than me.

The message in that parable is really about how large the loving arms of God really are. There is room for the always there's like me and the prodigals of this world. Neither loved more or less than the other. Each given more freedom than we really comprehend.

Blessings,
Ed

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Reflections for 5/2/10

"Outside of those redeeming relationships that speak truth to us, that challenge us, that father us, that mother, brother, and sister us, we do not know who we are. How many people are living in that kind of enslavement? They don't know who they are or what they want."(R. Rohr "Radical Grace" p.174)

One of the more interesting trends in faith these days is cyber-church. This new sort of community that has developed through the medium of the internet has certain merits I would think. It does allow faith and life to be explored. One of its shadow sides, at least for me, is that I don't actually have to be honest about who I am. The only responses to a person there would be what they type.

That's not to say that other groups automatically produce people who are being real, but it is harder to hide your true self from another physically present person.

I certainly have found in my life that the places of community-church, college, seminary, etc. have been places where I have been blessed to be with people who have helped to reflect with that question of who I am and what do I want, as well as the framework in which to even ask the question.

I also find it to be true that when those communities have real diversity, along every category one can think of, the picture of who I am becomes much clearer.

Blessings,
Ed

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Reflections for 5/1/10

"In the patriarchal view (1) all relationships are eventually defined in terms of superiority and inferiority and (2) the all-important need for order and control is assured by the exercise of dominative power. Now that does not sound so bad if the status-quo happens to be working in your favor. But it has served to dehumanize and therefore de-spiritualize generations of races, nations, professions, women, sexual minorities, handicapped people, the weak and the elderly whom the powerful are able to culturally disparage and dismiss as of 'no account'."(R. Rohr "Radical Grace" p. 173)

One of the first things I remember having to do in seminary was state my social location. The mantra would start, I am a straight, white, young, male. At first I'll admit I was rather reticent to do this. Why should I get pigeonholed that way? Why should those things matter at all? And there were also times that I thought we're playing the who's more oppressed game here.

After a while though I began to appreciate how important it was to understand my social location is and how that plays a role in how the rest of the world treats me. How more often than not I have very few obstacles in my way. I can in fact be my own worst enemy.

The other part of this that ultimately became freeing was to be told rather than feel guilty about it, to be instead encouraged to use my social location to improve the quality of being for others. To act not from a patronizing superior place, but instead as an ally.

I still meet straight white males who think the world is out to get them. I just shake my head in disbelief. I may not get to control every aspect of the world by default anymore, and frankly I'm just as glad to share the responsibility or even better to let it go.

Blessings,
Ed

Reflections for 4/30/10

"Prayer is unmarketable. Prayer gives no immediate payoff. You get no immediate feedback or sense of success. True prayer, in that sense, probably is the most courageous and counter cultural thing an American will ever do."(R. Rohr "Radical Grace" p.173)

So why pray at all, if no apparent immediate thing occurs? I guess for me, because at a minimum I find it helps to sort things out. It helps to get things off my chest so to speak. While there are lots of books out there trying to teach people to pray, I often wonder if it really is teachable? Jesus gives an outline that morphs into being "the Lord's Prayer." He never says pray these exact words, just pray in this way.

When you see someone who is a person of prayer, the first inclination is to mimic what they do. That may be a good starting point, but eventually prayer has to become your own.

People of course get frustrated when they pray for specific things and they don't occur. Religious leaders often don't help with the answers they give as to why a prayer wasn't answered. And yet, even when I don't get the immediate thing that I've prayed for, I'm often surprised by what does occur, usually in a pleasant way.

Prayer perhaps helps most by cleaning out the clutter in one's life which keeps you from seeing what is truly important.

Blessings,
Ed