"I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate."(Romans 7:15)
Inner struggles are certainly not unique to Paul. I can fully relate to this line with my constant struggle with my weight. I know exactly what I have to do. I know how to do it. I deeply want to weigh less and yet, it takes only one potato chip and I'm in full eating mode. I can even name the sin, gluttony combined with acedia. Deadly for sure.
There are other aspects of my life, that when I put them in list form or decide to truly focus I get amazing results. So much accomplished and a feeling of real joy. And yet there are those times when I look for almost anything else to do except for the things that need to get done. I don't understand why I avoid things, but when I finally do them I kick myself for not seeing how little time it actually took.
I haven't met too many folk who don't fight with their own to do lists or inner struggles. For me I find myself at least reminding myself that I can with God's help, and thanks be to God for that help and patience with me.
Blessings,
Ed
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