Today was one of those days were you just don't know what's coming. Felt flat at first. A good Caramel Machiatta with a friend help kick some things loose. I waited for someone to later go home and see the email that they weren't coming. Probably just as well, might have ruined my good mood from the Machiatto.
Then this afternoon I went out to do what I often do in the afternoons visit a shut in. Upon arriving at the house the neighbor was leaving and as we said hello the neighbor decided they needed to share that they had no time for religion. God had taken her husband and two sons. And then out the door she went.
At first I wanted to say "on behalf of the whole church in paradise and on earth, I apologize." I don't know why I thought that. It isn't my place or my job to apologize on behalf of God. I know that person felt pain and betrayal and because I'm wearing a collar I'm the easiest person to take that out on. Honestly its not the worse thing that's ever been said to me because of what I represent, but it still takes me aback.
I doubt any of us fully realize what we may represent to others, both positively and negatively. It sucks to be lumped into a generalized negative, especially when the other party doesn't seem interested in learning what you might believe or hearing what you might have to say.
There is also the truth that we can't shy away from whom we are. It's one thing to say I might be "X" but I'm not like those other "Xs", but ultimately you better be ready to say what being who you are really means.
Blessings,
Ed
Monday, March 12, 2012
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Reflections for 3/11/12
There is an old time hymn entitled I need thee every hour. It came to a friends mind this morning as he marked our lamented, (I'm not sure which) the return of Daylight Savings Time. I will admit that I could have used that extra hour, I'm still tired and not sure I ever fully woke up this morning. This is not good when you need to be leading worship.
I know like everyone else I'll adjust and it will be fine when the sun is up for a long time. And when the outdoor activities commence. But for today I'm just tired.
Time is a funny thing, it is one of those parts of life to which we are given only so much and continually wish we had more. I was thinking about reflecting on this eleven days ago, when February gave us an extra day. On that day I wondered if anyone ever thought about taking advantage of it and playing catch up. Probably not. I know for me it was just another day. Hopefully something got accomplished outside of the usual, but I don't recall anything outstanding.
And then there is today. The day where the government takes an hour from us, and gives it back 8 months later. I've read the history and I suppose there are good reasons for it. I do know this, I am sure it was intentionally put on a Saturday so as not to make people late for work, church maybe but work never.
What would you do with that extra hour if you could claim it anytime in the next eight months? If you new that every four years you would get an extra day that you didn't have to worry about what day it fell on. It was yours as a free gift?
My guess is most of us think we know what we would do with more time, we always hope for it. Yet I think we also fear having more time, because we actually might not know what to do.
Blessings,
Ed
I know like everyone else I'll adjust and it will be fine when the sun is up for a long time. And when the outdoor activities commence. But for today I'm just tired.
Time is a funny thing, it is one of those parts of life to which we are given only so much and continually wish we had more. I was thinking about reflecting on this eleven days ago, when February gave us an extra day. On that day I wondered if anyone ever thought about taking advantage of it and playing catch up. Probably not. I know for me it was just another day. Hopefully something got accomplished outside of the usual, but I don't recall anything outstanding.
And then there is today. The day where the government takes an hour from us, and gives it back 8 months later. I've read the history and I suppose there are good reasons for it. I do know this, I am sure it was intentionally put on a Saturday so as not to make people late for work, church maybe but work never.
What would you do with that extra hour if you could claim it anytime in the next eight months? If you new that every four years you would get an extra day that you didn't have to worry about what day it fell on. It was yours as a free gift?
My guess is most of us think we know what we would do with more time, we always hope for it. Yet I think we also fear having more time, because we actually might not know what to do.
Blessings,
Ed
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Reflections for 3/10/12
So where have I been, what have been up to? Have I had nothing to reflect on? Hardly. I think like many things in life we sometimes need to put things down for a little while and come back to them.
I will say that I was in California earlier in the week. I went to a conference called Gathering of Leaders. It is a collegial group with other Episcopal clergy. This is the third "Gathering" that I've been to. I will admit that each time I go, I'm impressed by the creativity and energy that I witness in my peers. It gives me hope for the church and for the world. I also will admit that I come away sometimes scared. Scared that I don't measure up to these folks, or even worse that I could.
I think one of the things I realized about myself at this conference was that the thing I fear the most is myself. I don't know why I scare me. I'm not violent, I'm not crazy. But something keeps me from really, as the Army puts it, "being all I can be." Perhaps I fear success. I know I fear rejection. There are times when I can be a big brave dog, and other times I need to be reminded of Christopher Robinson's advice to Pooh Bear "you are braver than you believe, and smarter than you think."
I don't know why I can't get out of my own way, but I know that if I could see myself as others apparently do, to quote Dr. Seuss, "oh the place I could go."
Blessings,
Ed
I will say that I was in California earlier in the week. I went to a conference called Gathering of Leaders. It is a collegial group with other Episcopal clergy. This is the third "Gathering" that I've been to. I will admit that each time I go, I'm impressed by the creativity and energy that I witness in my peers. It gives me hope for the church and for the world. I also will admit that I come away sometimes scared. Scared that I don't measure up to these folks, or even worse that I could.
I think one of the things I realized about myself at this conference was that the thing I fear the most is myself. I don't know why I scare me. I'm not violent, I'm not crazy. But something keeps me from really, as the Army puts it, "being all I can be." Perhaps I fear success. I know I fear rejection. There are times when I can be a big brave dog, and other times I need to be reminded of Christopher Robinson's advice to Pooh Bear "you are braver than you believe, and smarter than you think."
I don't know why I can't get out of my own way, but I know that if I could see myself as others apparently do, to quote Dr. Seuss, "oh the place I could go."
Blessings,
Ed
Reflections for 3/10/12
So where have I been, what have been up to? Have I had nothing to reflect on? Hardly. I think like many things in life we sometimes need to put things down for a little while and come back to them.
I will say that I was in California earlier in the week. I went to a conference called Gathering of Leaders. It is a collegial group with other Episcopal clergy. This is the third "Gathering" that I've been to. I will admit that each time I go, I'm impressed by the creativity and energy that I witness in my peers. It gives me hope for the church and for the world. I also will admit that I come away sometimes scared. Scared that I don't measure up to these folks, or even worse that I could.
I think one of the things I realized about myself at this conference was that the thing I fear the most is myself. I don't know why I scare me. I'm not violent, I'm not crazy. But something keeps me from really, as the Army puts it, "being all I can be." Perhaps I fear success. I know I fear rejection. There are times when I can be a big brave dog, and other times I need to be reminded of Christopher Robinson's advice to Pooh Bear " you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."
I really do wish that I could get out of my own way. I also wish I could see myself as apparently others do.
I will say that I was in California earlier in the week. I went to a conference called Gathering of Leaders. It is a collegial group with other Episcopal clergy. This is the third "Gathering" that I've been to. I will admit that each time I go, I'm impressed by the creativity and energy that I witness in my peers. It gives me hope for the church and for the world. I also will admit that I come away sometimes scared. Scared that I don't measure up to these folks, or even worse that I could.
I think one of the things I realized about myself at this conference was that the thing I fear the most is myself. I don't know why I scare me. I'm not violent, I'm not crazy. But something keeps me from really, as the Army puts it, "being all I can be." Perhaps I fear success. I know I fear rejection. There are times when I can be a big brave dog, and other times I need to be reminded of Christopher Robinson's advice to Pooh Bear " you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."
I really do wish that I could get out of my own way. I also wish I could see myself as apparently others do.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Reflections for 2/14/12
Today is Valentine's Day. A day I've literally had a love hate relationship with for years. My earliest recollections of this day are from elementary school, which was probably where the hate part of my feelings towards this holiday arise.
Like many I had to cut out valentines and bring them in for everyone. We would pass them out and receive them too. Whether what I'm about to say actually occurred or not I can't prove 40 years later, but the feeling has never gone away. Since I did not feel very popular or that most of my classmates liked me, let alone loved me, I felt like Charlie Brown.
I also will admit that my hate relationship with this holiday is that it feels like a marketing ploy, and puts a price on love. Though I do play along because I have a special person in my life, and that is what makes me love the holiday.
I also know that while I am blessed with having a special person in my life and have had 23 Valentine's Days with her. It is not true for everyone. And what sort of kick in gut watching this might be for those without someone to love or be loved by.
So I turn to one way that even I might consider entering even more fully into this day of celebrating love and look at St. Paul's definition and see how I'm doing in being "love."
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)
Maybe towards my wife and in fact towards most people I come in contact with, this may mean more than any candy, special dinner or flowers.
Like many I had to cut out valentines and bring them in for everyone. We would pass them out and receive them too. Whether what I'm about to say actually occurred or not I can't prove 40 years later, but the feeling has never gone away. Since I did not feel very popular or that most of my classmates liked me, let alone loved me, I felt like Charlie Brown.
I also will admit that my hate relationship with this holiday is that it feels like a marketing ploy, and puts a price on love. Though I do play along because I have a special person in my life, and that is what makes me love the holiday.
I also know that while I am blessed with having a special person in my life and have had 23 Valentine's Days with her. It is not true for everyone. And what sort of kick in gut watching this might be for those without someone to love or be loved by.
So I turn to one way that even I might consider entering even more fully into this day of celebrating love and look at St. Paul's definition and see how I'm doing in being "love."
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)
Maybe towards my wife and in fact towards most people I come in contact with, this may mean more than any candy, special dinner or flowers.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Reflections for 1/26/12
"When we move beyond the safety of everyone else's approval and stand firmly upon our own, we assume responsibility for own own apostolate."(Speaking to the Soul Vicki K. Black p. 21)
I am certain that one of my flaws is that I am a people pleaser. An apple polisher as a youth. While I have tried to become firmer in my resolve to do what I believe to be right, I often fall prey to the fear that someone might get upset. And of course the reality is that no matter what we do, someone is going to be upset.
When we are able to stand on our own, without seeking the approval of others, we may in fact find that the very thing we actually receive, because we didn't make that the end, is in fact approval. When folks can look at us as someone who is consistent in where they stand, and yet not in a way that makes them rigid and heartless, we move closer to being the real person that we are called to be.
As a Christian I am called to the service of others, but not so that they'll applaud me.
Blessings,
Ed
I am certain that one of my flaws is that I am a people pleaser. An apple polisher as a youth. While I have tried to become firmer in my resolve to do what I believe to be right, I often fall prey to the fear that someone might get upset. And of course the reality is that no matter what we do, someone is going to be upset.
When we are able to stand on our own, without seeking the approval of others, we may in fact find that the very thing we actually receive, because we didn't make that the end, is in fact approval. When folks can look at us as someone who is consistent in where they stand, and yet not in a way that makes them rigid and heartless, we move closer to being the real person that we are called to be.
As a Christian I am called to the service of others, but not so that they'll applaud me.
Blessings,
Ed
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Reflections for 1/24/12
One of the hazards of being a clergy person is that you might get called on the spot to say a prayer, offer a blessing, invocation etc. I know it is in the job description and I really don't have a problem with it and generally have not been taken to task for any prayers I've ever offered.
It has happened to me twice where someone has taken umbrage with how I prayed. The first time came when I was accosted after offering an opening prayer at the beginning of town soccer season. A fellow Christian decided that since I didn't pray in Jesus' name I was clearly ashamed of him and I should never be ashamed of our Lord. Of course I'm not ashamed, and tried to point out that we should be thankful I was asked to pray at all in this day and age.
But I heard some of what she said and tried to adapt by ending my more public with prayers with "in Jesus name I pray." And that seemed fine until last night. This time I was asked on the spot not given any advance notice. The usual "chaplain" had not shown up to the meeting, would I mind? Sure why not. After offering the invocation and the benediction at the end, up came the parliamentarian to tell me I had violated the rules and that I was only allowed to offer non-sectarian prayers.
I replied that I didn't feel I could do that, and in the future I would just decline the invitation. It did however get me thinking, what in the world makes something a non-sectarian prayer? I sort of know the answer you don't invoke specific deities. But I do wonder if I'm there in clericals how am I not clearly a sectarian. Would a doctor be asked to not use medical terminology, or a lawyer legal terms when speaking? Probably not. I also wondered if it was only Christians that aren't allowed to pray in their tradition these days. I honestly haven't seen a rabbi or imman or other faith leader ever asked so I don't know if they take the sect out of their prayers. And this doesn't even begin to address how an atheist might receive any kind of prayer.
I know this actually isn't a huge issue. No hungry people will be fed, or oppressed people set free over it. But for the moment it was a total distraction.
Blessings,
Ed
It has happened to me twice where someone has taken umbrage with how I prayed. The first time came when I was accosted after offering an opening prayer at the beginning of town soccer season. A fellow Christian decided that since I didn't pray in Jesus' name I was clearly ashamed of him and I should never be ashamed of our Lord. Of course I'm not ashamed, and tried to point out that we should be thankful I was asked to pray at all in this day and age.
But I heard some of what she said and tried to adapt by ending my more public with prayers with "in Jesus name I pray." And that seemed fine until last night. This time I was asked on the spot not given any advance notice. The usual "chaplain" had not shown up to the meeting, would I mind? Sure why not. After offering the invocation and the benediction at the end, up came the parliamentarian to tell me I had violated the rules and that I was only allowed to offer non-sectarian prayers.
I replied that I didn't feel I could do that, and in the future I would just decline the invitation. It did however get me thinking, what in the world makes something a non-sectarian prayer? I sort of know the answer you don't invoke specific deities. But I do wonder if I'm there in clericals how am I not clearly a sectarian. Would a doctor be asked to not use medical terminology, or a lawyer legal terms when speaking? Probably not. I also wondered if it was only Christians that aren't allowed to pray in their tradition these days. I honestly haven't seen a rabbi or imman or other faith leader ever asked so I don't know if they take the sect out of their prayers. And this doesn't even begin to address how an atheist might receive any kind of prayer.
I know this actually isn't a huge issue. No hungry people will be fed, or oppressed people set free over it. But for the moment it was a total distraction.
Blessings,
Ed
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