"To be bored is to turn down cold whatever life happens to be offering you at the moment. It is to cast a jaundiced eye at life in general including most of all your own life. You feel nothing is worth getting excited about because you are yourself not worth getting excited about." (F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 142)
As a parent I have often heard the words I'm bored. You could be in a house full of toys and be bored. And one of the worst parts of boredom is that it dulls the mind. Even though there are plenty of things to do, boredom kills motivation. That homework, housework, taking a walk, none of it happens.
While I might not communicate my boredom verbally, I know that I too get bored. The great religious word for it is acedia. It is one of the seven deadly sins. I thought sloth and gluttony had me, but really they follow the lead of acedia.
I know this because when I'm bored, I don't get much done. When I'm busy, I actually get a lot done. Those down times that come that most people would use to regroup or catch up, wind up creating a slothful Ed, or if there's food a glutton.
The only way I know out of boredom is to get busy. Too much time for me is a danger. And when I"m at my lowest, it gets easy to get bored by even things that usually get me going.
Blessings,
Ed
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Monday, May 30, 2011
Reflections for 5/30/11
"We search for a self to be. We search for other selves to love. We search for work to do. And since even when to one degree or another we find these things, we find also that there is still something crucial missing which we have not found, we search for that unfound thing too, even though we do not know its name or where it is to be found or even if it is to be found at all."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life." p. 142)
I've heard people say life is a journey perhaps a quest. I've never heard about life as a search, though I have a feeling that may be closer to the reality.
As a teenager we try hard to search for who we really are. All kinds of experimentation, watching the reactions of others as we attempt to determine who we are and how we fit in. In our relationships we may search for that perfect mate. Companies like Eharmony are doing that. 40 levels of compatibility, before you've even met the person. When we are looking for a job we are in a search. I went through a job search right after college, and as a priest, I enter into search processes, though I haven't in a while.
A search can be frustrating when we aren't as sure of what we are looking for. When we are clear about our own dreams and visions, the searching becomes less of a wandering. And yet sometimes when we think we've found what I'm looking for, the reality is that U2 may have been right. "We still haven't found what we're looking for."
Blessings,
Ed
I've heard people say life is a journey perhaps a quest. I've never heard about life as a search, though I have a feeling that may be closer to the reality.
As a teenager we try hard to search for who we really are. All kinds of experimentation, watching the reactions of others as we attempt to determine who we are and how we fit in. In our relationships we may search for that perfect mate. Companies like Eharmony are doing that. 40 levels of compatibility, before you've even met the person. When we are looking for a job we are in a search. I went through a job search right after college, and as a priest, I enter into search processes, though I haven't in a while.
A search can be frustrating when we aren't as sure of what we are looking for. When we are clear about our own dreams and visions, the searching becomes less of a wandering. And yet sometimes when we think we've found what I'm looking for, the reality is that U2 may have been right. "We still haven't found what we're looking for."
Blessings,
Ed
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Reflections for 5/29/11
"Because the promises that are given are not just promises to love the other when the other is lovely and lovable, but to love the other for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, and that means to love the other even at half-past three in the morning when the baby is crying and love each other with a terrible cold in the head and when the bills have to be paid."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 140)
This summer I will be officiating at three weddings. Two of the brides are people who were in my youth group in the past, young ladies that I've know since they were teenagers and younger. The other couple it is a second marriage for both. I haven't known them as long, but feel privileged to be a part of their new life together.
I don't know how many weddings I've officiated at over the years. Frankly they're not my favorite part of my job. Yet I do think that the promises made are somewhat awesome. I like the vows in the Book of Common Prayer, very simple, very direct. They invite a couple to really understand that life together will not always be a Kodak moment. But the love that brought them together will help them through the not so pleasant times. Yet that is often the times when things start to fall apart. I do think that part of the problem is that couples forget that they have people who promised to support them in their new life together. Yet there is something within our nature that causes us to withdraw or shut down at the very time that we need help.
I can't say that every wedding I've officiated at is still going strong. Some certainly are. I know as someone who has been married for almost 21 years, to truly enjoy the good times, I have to learn how to work through the rough patches.
Blessings,
Ed
This summer I will be officiating at three weddings. Two of the brides are people who were in my youth group in the past, young ladies that I've know since they were teenagers and younger. The other couple it is a second marriage for both. I haven't known them as long, but feel privileged to be a part of their new life together.
I don't know how many weddings I've officiated at over the years. Frankly they're not my favorite part of my job. Yet I do think that the promises made are somewhat awesome. I like the vows in the Book of Common Prayer, very simple, very direct. They invite a couple to really understand that life together will not always be a Kodak moment. But the love that brought them together will help them through the not so pleasant times. Yet that is often the times when things start to fall apart. I do think that part of the problem is that couples forget that they have people who promised to support them in their new life together. Yet there is something within our nature that causes us to withdraw or shut down at the very time that we need help.
I can't say that every wedding I've officiated at is still going strong. Some certainly are. I know as someone who has been married for almost 21 years, to truly enjoy the good times, I have to learn how to work through the rough patches.
Blessings,
Ed
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Reflections for 5/28/11
"The life that I touch for good or ill will touch another life, and that in turn another, until who knows where the trembling stops or in what far place and time my touch will be felt. Our lives are linkied together. No man is an island."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 139-140)
There was terrific movie "Pay it Forward" in which the principle of this quote is shown quite well. There is also an ad on tv for I think New York Life which also shows this ideal.
Do I really have that profound an effect on the world? Probably and in ways I don't even know. When I'm seen at my best or my worst, by another person, I have an impact. That impact may be small, perhaps I made them laugh or aggrevated them. Even if they weren't the intended audiance, they may still have their day affected.
I know that I am impacted by the actions of other people. Whether I'm directly involved or just a casual witness. So I try regularly to remind myself befor I lace into someone, that I might feel momentarily better, but all I've done is transferred my bad mood to someone else.
So whether it is us as individuals, or as a church, a group, or a nation or actions have reverberations all over the place, because we are bound by a common humanity.
Blessings,
Ed
There was terrific movie "Pay it Forward" in which the principle of this quote is shown quite well. There is also an ad on tv for I think New York Life which also shows this ideal.
Do I really have that profound an effect on the world? Probably and in ways I don't even know. When I'm seen at my best or my worst, by another person, I have an impact. That impact may be small, perhaps I made them laugh or aggrevated them. Even if they weren't the intended audiance, they may still have their day affected.
I know that I am impacted by the actions of other people. Whether I'm directly involved or just a casual witness. So I try regularly to remind myself befor I lace into someone, that I might feel momentarily better, but all I've done is transferred my bad mood to someone else.
So whether it is us as individuals, or as a church, a group, or a nation or actions have reverberations all over the place, because we are bound by a common humanity.
Blessings,
Ed
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Reflections for 5/11/11
"The almighty and merciful God pardon and deliver you, forgive you every face you cannot look upon with joy."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 119)
I feel fortunate that there are very few faces that I cannot look upon with joy. Or at least faces of people who are or were important to me. I'm sure there are some politicians whose face doesn't bring me joy.
I do wonder though about the faces that I feel neither joy nor anger towards. Do I need to be forgiven for the faces I feel indifferent towards. While I may not be hostile towards them, is there a callous indifference towards others that keeps me from enjoying life fully? Is ignoring my fellow human beings who are suffering or feel oppressed almost as bad as disliking them intensely?
That's a hard question. I may need to be forgiven for those places where I could have done something but couldn't muster enough energy to care.
Blessings,
Ed
I feel fortunate that there are very few faces that I cannot look upon with joy. Or at least faces of people who are or were important to me. I'm sure there are some politicians whose face doesn't bring me joy.
I do wonder though about the faces that I feel neither joy nor anger towards. Do I need to be forgiven for the faces I feel indifferent towards. While I may not be hostile towards them, is there a callous indifference towards others that keeps me from enjoying life fully? Is ignoring my fellow human beings who are suffering or feel oppressed almost as bad as disliking them intensely?
That's a hard question. I may need to be forgiven for those places where I could have done something but couldn't muster enough energy to care.
Blessings,
Ed
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Reflections for 5/10/11
"Tell her he forgives her for being lonely and bored, for not being full of joy with a houseful of children,. That's what sin really is. You know-not being full of joy."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p.119)
Sin, that nasty religious word. A word that all of us have, that dwells somewhere within us. If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, the Bible tells us. There are pastors out there who constantly harp on sin, pointing fingers, and letting folks have it. Usually they are ignoring there own rather large logs in their own eyes.
I've always defined sin as revealing broken relationships. Our relationships with God, our neighbors and ourselves. There are actions that are sinful because they negatively impact those relationships. But I sort of like Buechner's definition, "not being full of joy." I wonder if it might be more accurate to say that the absence of joy in one's life leads to the sinful behavior. As we try to fill some void where joy seems to be unable to break through and we take a short cut and oops we're even less joyful than when we started.
I suppose for me to keep from caving in, I need to find joy in the what I have materially, spiritually and relationally. They are all good and more than enough. When I see that sin doesn't have much of a chance.
Blessings,
Ed
Sin, that nasty religious word. A word that all of us have, that dwells somewhere within us. If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, the Bible tells us. There are pastors out there who constantly harp on sin, pointing fingers, and letting folks have it. Usually they are ignoring there own rather large logs in their own eyes.
I've always defined sin as revealing broken relationships. Our relationships with God, our neighbors and ourselves. There are actions that are sinful because they negatively impact those relationships. But I sort of like Buechner's definition, "not being full of joy." I wonder if it might be more accurate to say that the absence of joy in one's life leads to the sinful behavior. As we try to fill some void where joy seems to be unable to break through and we take a short cut and oops we're even less joyful than when we started.
I suppose for me to keep from caving in, I need to find joy in the what I have materially, spiritually and relationally. They are all good and more than enough. When I see that sin doesn't have much of a chance.
Blessings,
Ed
Reflections for 5/9/11
"What she asked him to do for me was walk back through my memory, as though it was a long hall. She asked him to open all the closed doors, and to bless whatever he found inside."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p.119)
My grandfather lived in a 3 story Victorian in Haddonfield NJ. I have vivid memories of that home and could give you a talking tour of my memories of each room. The third floor still stands out in my mind. I can still see it, and I can still recall the feelings I had as a 1st and 2nd grader walking up there.
There were closets at the foot of each landing, with a closed door, you didn't open those doors, who knew what was behind them. You then ran to the end of the hall. there were three doors at the end. The center door was to my mother's room, when she was a teen.
I like the idea that memories are like long halls with closed doors. Occasionally doors get opened that I've forgotten what lies behind them. I can be pleasantly surprised by some things I've forgotten about. There are also doors that I know exactly what lies behind them, and wish to leave them shut. Though perhaps opening them and letting some light in might heal the pain. And of course there are those doors that hold memories that when I need to remind myself that all is not lost, I can run down the hall and open them up as well.
Blessings,
Ed
My grandfather lived in a 3 story Victorian in Haddonfield NJ. I have vivid memories of that home and could give you a talking tour of my memories of each room. The third floor still stands out in my mind. I can still see it, and I can still recall the feelings I had as a 1st and 2nd grader walking up there.
There were closets at the foot of each landing, with a closed door, you didn't open those doors, who knew what was behind them. You then ran to the end of the hall. there were three doors at the end. The center door was to my mother's room, when she was a teen.
I like the idea that memories are like long halls with closed doors. Occasionally doors get opened that I've forgotten what lies behind them. I can be pleasantly surprised by some things I've forgotten about. There are also doors that I know exactly what lies behind them, and wish to leave them shut. Though perhaps opening them and letting some light in might heal the pain. And of course there are those doors that hold memories that when I need to remind myself that all is not lost, I can run down the hall and open them up as well.
Blessings,
Ed
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