Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Reflections for 12/14/11

"I am my secrets. And you are your secrets. Our secrets are human secrets, and our trusting each other enough to share them with each other has much to do with the secret of what it is to be human."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life." p. 324)

What does that mean that I am my secrets?  My best guess is that the real us, is not usually what we actually present to the general public.  Perhaps to our closest friends we may confide these things, and to those in our family that we love dearly.  I know that I sometimes surprise people who don't know everything about me.  In some ways I'm a stereotypical priest, but there are aspects of me that do not fit neatly into the stereotype.

Why I think that our secrets and choosing to share them with others is ultimately about trust.  Trust is something I would rather give and certainly feel honored when people trust me that way.  Their is a sharing and a deeper relationship that way.

I also know that this is true about my relationship with God.  There is in the Book of Common Prayer what is known as the collect for purity.  In that prayer it is said that to God all hearts are open, all desires known and no secrets are hid.  I'm sure there is nothing about me that God doesn't know.  I'm sure there are things about me I wish God didn't know, but feel blessed that God has a sense of humor.

Blessings,
Ed

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Reflections for 12/7/11

"My mother excoriated the ravages of old age but never accepted them as the inevitable consequence of getting old."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p.319)

While I haven't been around as long as Buechner's mother (apparently she pushed 100) I do know that there have been changes in me physically and emotionally that have much to do with age.

I'll be 46 next week, not old by any stretch, but older none the less.  I know that what my body looked like 25 years ago it no longer does.  Part of that is age and part of that is neglect.  I'm trying to see how much of it I can reasonably bring back, yet know that I will never be that lean mean rock and roll machine again.

I still like loud music, but I find my patience with the crowds it attracts diminishing.

I'm sure that in the remaining years of my life I will probably continue to lose some abilities and some things that I currently enjoy.  The question I have to wrestle with each day is how do I adapt to these changes, gracefully, or in some bizarre holding on.

I hope to live a long life.  But more importantly to me, I hope to live a full one.

Blessings,
Ed

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Reflections for 12/6/11

"And because words are so much a part of what we keep the past alive by."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 319)

I have a pretty good memory.  Probably most people that I know I can recall something about, some shared experience.  I like to tell stories and certainly as a person of faith, words are an integral part of my life.

I wonder though if not talking about someone or something makes it go away?  Part of that feels like denial, in the case of something or some event.  Part of it is also just a fading do to time.  While I can claim to remember something about many people, that does not necessarily mean I can recall every person I've ever met, without someone naming them.

When we speak of or about people, places and things they remain alive if only in our memories.  When we stop talking about them, they may fade away, but I'm not convinced they completely go.

Blessings,
Ed

Monday, November 28, 2011

Reflections for 11/28/11

"Whatever else they may be, the people in the Bible are real human beings."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 309)

If you were to go into a library I wonder where you would find the Bible?  At Barnes and Noble its in the "religion section" but most small town libraries aren't that elaborate. The standard fiction or non-fiction seems to be the norm.

I don't know that I could classify the Bible as either.  At a certain level its fiction. There are stories within that have some historical validity but have been written with a certain slant.  Much like, "historical fiction" there is a deeper truth being told using some historical realities.  But to call it fiction is to rob it of its overall effectiveness for me.

At a certain level its non-fiction, there are historical figures that appear in other sources.  But I can't spend too much time validating every name and event, because to me that misses the point also.

What I know is that as I read the Bible, I find the truly important parts to be very real for me.  They speak to my life as I lived it.  Not so much in terms of the rules of a nomadic culture, but in the realities of what being a human meant and continues to mean.  There's a Jacob in all of us. There is a Mary in all of us.

I know that what I've said can probably hold true for any good novel.  But for me the Bible has something that differentiates it.  And maybe it is that each time I read it, something new comes into view for me.  Not because the words have changed, but because I have.  And no other book that I've read more than once does that for me.

Blessings,
Ed

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Reflections for 11/23/11

"For a moment what he believes or doesn't believe Kyrie eleison, Christe eleison- and as at snow, dreams, certain memories, at fairy tales, the heart leaps, the eyes fill."(F. Buechener "Listening to Your Life" p.307)

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving.  I'd put it up there with Christmas for sure as a holiday laced with memories.  I'd have to say mostly positive.  Growing up we seem to rotate around my father's family, each brother taking a turn to host.  Always food, lots of food.

In High School there was always the annual football game Metuchen vs. Highland Park.  I don't know if they still play, but I recall going to that game every year, as a member of the band, football games weren't an option.  I also remember coming home from college and going to the game, seemed like one big reunion.

This year we're staying put, not going anywhere and no one coming.  I'm a little sad about that, but schedules and lives change.

I also remember taking my boys to see the Macy's thanksgiving day parade, a benefit of in-laws living in Manhatten.

I know that underlying those memories are glimpses of joy and reminders of the things that I'm thankful for.  I've seen other things that stir memories songs, pictures, even reacquainting on Facebook.

May this holiday be one with glimpses of joy.

Blessings,
Ed

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Reflections for 11/20/11

"For both parties, forgiveness means the freedom again to be at peace inside their own skins and to be glad in each other's presence."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life." p. 305)

Last night at the Youth Retreat for the Diocese, we were invited to walk the labyrinth.  There was meditative music playing, candle light bordering the labyrinth and we were invited to walk and when we reached the center to right down on a piece of paper something we needed to forgive or something we needed to be forgiven for.

I was amazed by the level of emotion in the room.  I have no idea what anyone but myself wrote on their papers.  At the end of that exercise we went back to the dormitory where a fire was lit and I, in my role as chaplain, invited folks to bring their paper up to the fireplace and saying "for what is on this paper and what still remains in my heart I offer up to you, Lord God, and then throw the paper onto the fire.

When I saw that forgiveness was the topic from Buechner, I tried to remember if there were still people I needed to forgive.  I honestly can think of only one person in my life who hurt me so deeply that the memory of it still has a tinge of pain.  I will say that it no longer dominates my thoughts and that may be because subconsciously I forgave that person years ago.

I certainly have never told that person this news and it may not even be something they really need to know.  The likelihood that they feel stuck knowing that I was hurt by them is remote.  I seriously doubt our paths will ever cross again, though it is possible.

But if those stars should in some way should align, I hope I will have the courage to tell that person, I forgive you.

Blessings,
Ed

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Reflections for 11/16/11

"That means the Bible is a book about you and me."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life."  p. 303)

The Bible is certainly one of the most beloved and even at times controversial books out there.  It is the central document if you will of the Christian faith.  2/3 of it is central to the Jewish faith.  There are people who read it religiously (pun intended) and those who read it without any faith at all.

We read various translations.  We argue about the meanings of texts. And there are times when the texts let us have it.

Vocationally I get to read the Bible on a regular basis.  But in those times when I'm not reading it for work, I will admit that I try to find my part in that book. What are the biblical stories that reflect very well what it is to be me.  The context may change, we're not ancient middle eastern goat herders after all, yet what it means to be a human, with all its joys and sorrows, the inner conflicts of trying to live right and yet falling short, are all there.

And depending on what's going on in my life who I relate to more in any given biblical story changes.  And that's not a bad thing.

I suppose as a reasonably avid reader I have found myself projecting into many books.  But I have consistently found that with "the Book"  I find something new each time, even when I've read those words before.  Because I change and evolve the meaning of the text changes, because much like me, that book feels very much alive.

Blessings,
Ed

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Reflections for 11/13/11

"It is curious that in the matter of deciding his own fate, Jesus reached the same conclusion as Caiaphas and took it in the neck for the sake of many, Caiaphas included. It was not, however, the laws of mathemeatics that he was following."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 301)

I've never been very good at math.  My hunch is has more to do with a lack of wanting to know, more than ability.  I certainly know the basics.  I'll admit to being confused by the way math was taught to my children. I really couldn't help them, because I learned those formulas differently.

Much in life seems to be simple math.  Economics, our bank accounts, family budgets.  How much time something will take. Without numbers and an ability to count most of us would be lost.

However there is much in life that just doesn't add up.  There are also times when we must move forward even when the numbers aren't on our side.  Perhaps that is what Buechner meant by Jesus not following the laws of mathematics when he chose to die.

I wish more of life was as simple as 1+1= 2.  Yet that never seems to be the case.  The fact of that equation hasn't changed, but its application to my experience in life is something different.

Blessings,
Ed

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Reflections for 11/9/11

"The truth that although death ended my father, it has never ended my relationship with my father-a secret that I had never so clearly understood before."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 298)

On Sunday we observed the Feast of All Saints. The actual Feast day is 11/1 but most of us realize that we won't get folks out on a weeknight so we move it to the next Sunday.

In my homily I asked people to consider who was a person in their life who while not famous in the world had made an incredible impact on their lives.  And invited them to consider these folks as saints also.

I know that I don't see my grandfather anymore he died almost ten years ago, and yet his relationship to me and his influence on many things that I do or believe is just as alive today as they were when he was alive here on earth.

And I know that this is probably true for most folks, that our relationships with others are always there even if communication of any kind may not be real anymore.

There are of course also folks who leave negative impacts on us and even there death doesn't totally bring closure.  I wouldn't call these folks saints by the way.

The truth is that every relationship or encounter leaves some imprint on us. Some are clearly deeper than others.  And as long as we live in this world and relate to other people we will continue to grow from these relationships.

Blessings,
Ed

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Reflections for 11/3/11

"There are three things that are important in human life. The first is to be kind. The second is to be kind. The third is to be kind."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life." p. 293)

This thought is actually a quote from Henry James.  Buechner doesn't say where he got it from.  I suppose the point is obvious, the only thing that really matters in life is to be kind.

Some things I know about being kind.  It is the sixth point of the Scout Law.  As an Eagle Scout I've tried to live my life according to that law to the best of my abilities. Good thing all of it is in line with the the aspects of my faith that I value most.

I also know this that when I am kind to others, I generally feel better about myself.  Being kind can be quite overt, doing something positive for another person without any need to be thanked.  Helping others when asked.  I also know that sometimes being kind can also be by doing nothing at all.  Instead of that snide comment, or that harsh counterpoint I just swallow and breath and move on. 

I also know how much I appreciate when others are kind to me.  I'm not the best at asking for help.  And I know that I have probably been spared from being called an idiot by someone, even when it was deserved.

There's a bumper sticker that a part of reads, "practice random acts of kindness."  How much better would all of us be whether in the giving or receiving of such acts.  And how if we are the beneficiaries of someone else's kindness, somehow we should take advantage of a chance to do likewise.

Blessings,
Ed

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Reflections for 10/27/11

"In popular usage, a myth has come to mean a story that is not true. Historically speaking that may well be so. Humanly speaking, a myth is a story that is always true."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life." p. 286)

When I was in elementary school I loved to read Greek and Roman Mythology.  I had no intention of switching my allegiance to the Christian faith in favor of that religion, and still wouldn't. But I do like stories that give real insight into what it means to be human. That show how as people we have always tried to make sense out of our world.

I am dismayed that myth has come to mean not true, (though I do like the show Mythbusters).  Without some degree of myth, storytelling life becomes very cold, very cerebral for me.  I have told people flat out that I consider the creation stories to be myths. What I do not mean is that the story is not true.  I don't believe that the world was created in 7 days as I would understand 7 days.  I do believe fully in the underlying truth that there is a God, who creates and sees things as good to very good. 

When we place myth in the negative or insist on an unprovable literalism, we take the power away from the story and go on the defensive against science. Silly fight in my estimation.

I'll continue to read the Bible for the very reasons that I have always read it. I love the story. I understand the world and my place in it a little more deeply as a result.  And from my limited human perspective those stories will always be true,  because something doesn't have to be provable to be true for me.

Blessings,
Ed

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Reflections for 10/26/11

"Sometimes wishing is the wings the truth comes true on. Sometimes the truth is what sets us wishing for it."(f. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p.286)

Wishing,  according to Jimminy Cricket your supposed to do it on a star.  "Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight, I wish I may, I wish I might, give me the wish I wish tonight."  When it is your birthday you're supposed to make a wish and blow out the candles. I think for most of us, those kind of wishes are not anything we believe will actually occur. 

One of the hurdles to wish fulfillment is that often we may have to do something beyond wishing for it.  I might wish to win the lottery, however if I never buy a ticket, I will certainly guarantee that I won't win.  I also know the odds aren't real good that even if I did buy a ticket that I would win.  I might wish that I could lose weight, but unless I'm willing to make the necessary changes in my eating habits in addition to exercising, that too will be an unfulfilled wish. 

However as Buechner wrote, sometimes wishing for something to happen is the means to opening the door or beginning the process of change.  Once I can see the possibilities I might start to wish for them in reality and seek the way to make it happen.

Blessings,
Ed

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Reflections for 10/20/11

"It was a long while ago that the words God be with you disappeared into the word goodbye, but every now and again some trace of them still glimmers through."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 280)

Somewhere I remember being told never to say good bye, but instead until we meet again.  Good bye somehow seems to indicate, I'll never see you again, which isn't necessarily true, but might in fact be the case.

How we say good bye, the tone of voice, the feelings behind it can often have a lasting effect.

If you slammed the phone down after saying good bye because you were frustrated with the person at the other end, that feeling takes a while to go away.  And if it was someone you cared about, instead of some nameless person who didn't help solve your issue, and you don't see them again, not so good either.

When I say good bye to a family member on the phone I always try to say I love you.  I'd rather not risk that the last words someone I loved heard from me were anything else.

And while I've never been to Hawaii, but I've heard that the word aloha is used to say hello and goodbye.

And I think there is something to all of this. How we meet people and how we take leave of people says volumes about us.  I try to keep mine as positive as possible.

Blessings,
Ed

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Reflections for 10/17/2011

"Sleep is a threshold I drift toward like leaves."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p.277)
-
I slept pretty well last night.  My dreams were as strange as always, but I felt rested when I woke up.  I didn't have an alarm or cats to wake me.  The bed at the hotel was comfortable and the room quiet.  While I certainly missed my wife, I do know that while she sleeps better when I'm home, I tend to sleep better the few times I'm by myself.

Sleep is something all of us need.  Our bodies learn to adjust to how much we give them in comparison with how much they need.  I seem to need generally 6 hours and when that is not enough naps come on.

Buechner's image of drifting toward like leaves seems quite accurate for many things in life.  In the fall leaves seem to gather and blow around all over the place.  There is an aimlessness about it.  I don't like to think of my life as aimless but what is going to happen each day and what the future holds for me are not entirely clear.

I'm not an evergreen for sure, but I do believe that much like the oaks, and maples that I find beautiful, new leaves always appear in the Spring.

Blessings,
Ed

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Reflections for 10/12/11

"Rejoice is the last word and can be spoken only after the first word."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 273)

What is there in life that brings you joy?  I know what things I enjoy, sports, food, my family are a few. But is enjoying something the same thing as bringing joy into your life?  At first  I thought no, there must be a difference, but the more I thought about it, I said of course they are at least related if not one and the same.

Rejoicing, giving thanks and appreciating what I have in my life, the people and things in my life that bring me pleasure that make life worth living.  I do rejoice for  those gifts.  Perhaps for me the ability to give thanks, to rejoice in and for the things I enjoy comes from that first word, which interestingly isn't given.  I'm guessing that for me the first word is belief.  Because of my belief, I find that I have the words to give thanks, the ability to appreciate all that I have, without lamenting what I don't.

I find it funny to encounter folks for whom the belief part works but not the joy part.  When I encounter sour puss believers I want to ask, "what gives you joy?"  What examples in your life can you share.  If living your belief, never brings anything but a pained expression on your face, and only sees what is wrong with the world and others, I would hate for that to be the last word.

Blessings,
Ed

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Reflections for 10/11/11

"Games where the players create the illusion of being in the same room but where the reality of it is that each is alone inside a skin in that room, like bathyspehers at the bottom of the sea. Blind man's buff games where everyone is blind."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 272)

One of the hardest things of being a priest or for that matter being a friend is to be present with someone who is ill, dying or going through a crisis.  You're never fully sure what to say.  You know you're not comfortable and yet it is the place you somehow have found yourself, or you realize you need to be.

Part of the problem is of course knowing how to deal with crisis, especially other people's.  Do I just let them vent, do I try to offer help or helpful advice.  I usually start by being quietly present, first to allow the other space to talk about what they need to talk about.  Second is to get my self centered to be able to deal constructively with that person.

I think another issue of course is seeing our own vulnerability in that moment.  That other person could very well be us at some point. What would we do if the roles were reversed?  We don't really want to spend much time contemplating or own mortality or our own fragility.

And the last part is that feeling of being useless right then and there.  Because we live in a solutions oriented world and self-help books and groups are everywhere, we have almost forgotten how to just be present with others.  If I can't help you, what good am I?  If there is nothing I can do, why am I here?  Valid questions no doubt, but perhaps not the right ones.

Blessings,
Ed

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Reflections for 10/9/11

"Death not as a distant darkness that his great faith was light enough to see him through; death not as a universal condition; but death as this death and darkness which he saw written across the swollen faces of the two women who stood there before him."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 270)

As a priest I have certainly had my experiences with death and grieving.  I've been with families at bedsides as a loved one dies, or as the machinery that is keeping them alive is taken off.  I've presided over plenty of funerals where even though the deceased had lived a long and happy life, the grief was still real.  The first few years were hard to get through those funerals. I'd still feel tears welling up.  This doesn't happen as much anymore, but I also haven't experienced death on a deeply personal level in quite some time.

I'm sure that I will have to deal with it much more deeply again at some point.  My hunch is that I will at that point weep, just as Jesus did.  I hope that there will be for me at that point, someone or many people there to uphold me, so that I can grieve.  While my faith may be my consolation over the long haul, it is others who will weep with me and give me the time and space to do so myself that ultimately will see me through.

All of us will have that moment, and many have already gone through it.  And I'm sure that many of those same people have been able to be present for others at that moment, because they have a general understanding of what life feels like at that moment.

Blessings,
Ed

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Reflections for 9/28/11

"What is the truth for the man who believes and cannot believe that there is a truth beyond all truths, to know which is to be himself made whole and true?"(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 260)

Telling the truth is something we parents try to instill in our children, as our parents probably tried in us.  Of course the human condition has a hard time with the truth, because we fear the consequences.  If I tell the truth, will I get in trouble?  If I tell the truth will this relationship suffer?  If the truth of who I really am or what I really think comes out, will anyone really like me?

Truth also flows for me in and out of trust.  Do I trust the ability of another to forgive? Do I trust the strength of the relationship to endure?  Do I trust that who I actually am is worth knowing?

What for me is not completely the same are the words truth and fact.  There are things for me that cannot be proven, that may not be a fact, but they don't need to be to ring very true for me.  This is the hardest thing for a believer to explain to someone who doesn't believe.  It is sometimes the greatest inner struggle for those of us who believe.  Pilate asked Jesus, what is truth?  He didn't ask what is the truth.  And there is a real difference between those two questions.

Blessings,
Ed

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Reflections for 9/27/11

"Like duty,' 'law,', 'religion,' the word 'vocation' has a dull ring to it, but in terms of what it means, it is really not dull at all. 'vocare, to call, of course, and a man's vocation is a man's calling. It is the wok that he is called to in this world, the thing that he is summoned to spend his life doing. We can speak of a man's choosing his vocation, but perhaps it is at least as accurate to speak of a vocation's choosing the man, of a call's being given and a man's hearing it, or not hearing it.  And maybe that is the place to start; the business of listening and hearing. A man's life is full of all sorts of voices calling him in all sorts of directions. Some of them are voices from inside and some of them are voices from outside. The more alive and alert we are, the more clamorous our lives are. Which do we listen to? What kind of voice do we listen for." (F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p.259)

One of the first arguments I remember having in the ordination process was over the difference between a vocation and a profession.  My line of work seems to be both. It is a vocation in that I feel called to it and it is also a profession, I do get paid.

When any individual looks at what they do for a living they might encounter the same question.  Is the work that they do just a means to a pay check and they could think of plenty of other things they'd rather be doing or is it something that also gives them meaning and purpose. That is a distinction in my mind. 

It could be asked if something you would gladly do something for free is that a definer for vocation or is that something different, maybe that's just a passion, except that parenthood can be seen as a vocation and has no financial rewards.

I do agree that the key to most of what we choose to do with our time does involve listening.  And there are certainly plenty of "voices" crying out for our attention.  But how to know which voice is calling towards something that is real and which is just a siren song, is the real test.  And sometimes even decisions on professions can get muddied.

I know for myself that having a lot of interests does make for quite a symphony in my head.  But when I take the time to really listen, to prioritize and ultimately to pray about those voices, the real calling manages to break through.

Blessings,
Ed

Monday, September 26, 2011

Reflections for 9/26/11

"We try so hard as Christians. We think such long thoughts, manipulate such long words, and both listen to and preach such long sermons. Each one of us somewhere, somehow, has known, if only for a moment or so, something of what it is to feel the shattering love of God, and once that has happened, we can never rest easy again for tyring somehow to set that love forth not only in words, myriads of words, but in our lives themselves."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 258)

Have you ever had a moment that just left you speechless?  Not a devastating one, but where you went were just in such awe of what happened that you wanted to say something, to write down what you were feeling, and yet words escaped you.

Those occasions for me are great gifts of God's grace in my life.  And yes, as a preacher I do try to articulate them, though no one would accuse me of preaching a long sermon.  Of course try to describe that experience to someone and it will be quite a challenge.  And maybe there's a reason for that.

When we spend to much time trying to come up with the right words to describe something only we've experienced it rarely works.  Yet if I try to just take it all in, to incorporate it into the ever expanding life mental filing cabinet of life experiences, it has the potential to become a part of who I am.  And maybe that's the point of any such moment, to help us grow closer to God and who we are supposed to be as humans.

Blessings,
Ed

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Reflections for 9/25/11

"If we didn't already know but were asked to guess the kind of people Jesus would pick out for special commendation, we might be tempted to guess one sort or another of spiritual hero-men and women of impeccable credentials morally, spiritually, humanly and every which way. If so, we would be wrong. Maybe those aren't the ones he picked out because he felt they didn't need the shot in the arm his commendation would give them. Maybe they're not the ones he picked out because he didn't happen to know any. Be that as it may, it's worth noting the ones he did pick out."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p.256)

There always seems to be a stereotype out there that Christians are perfect people. Have it all together. Always in a happy mood. An army of Ned Flanders running around doing good.  Underlying that is the stereotype that all Christians pretend to be that.

Actually I know very few that are or even pretend to be.  I've met some remarkable people of faith in my life, but I also know that many of them have some serious flaws, not ones that make them evil, but ones that keep them from being all that they can be.  I also know some who cannot even see the good with themselves.

"Blessed are you," Jesus begins his sermon on the mount with 10 different groupings.  Fitting into any of those groups would not exactly make one feel blessed by the way.  And yet he is saying here's the silver lining, here's how we make lemonade out of your current lemon.  Here's the reason to keep striving when you feel like quitting.

It would cheapen the message to call it a pep talk, but there are some resemblances.  Most of us do better when we feel appreciated, when the work we do is acknowledged. Most of us can keep on keeping on, when we feel there's something worth striving for.

Blessings,
Ed

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Reflection for 9/14/11

"To anyone who is looking for good reasons for being a Christian, let me suggest the only really good one that I know....that in this man there is power to turn goats into tigers, to give life to the half-alive even to the dead; that what he asks of us when he says 'follow me' is what he also has the power to give, and this is the power of God that he has, that he is, and that is why men have called him the Christ."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 245-246)

One of the great challenges that comes from scripture is "to be able to give a reason for the hope that is in you."  Or as Buechner asks, "for being a Christian."

So why am I a Christian?  Good question.  First I was born into this faith, and raised and nurtured in it.  But so have countless millions of folk throughout history who would not claim that faith.  I know that wherever life has taken me physically that sense of community that I find in Christian faith communities has grounded and sustained me during that time.  Of course community can be found in lots of ways, there are plenty of organizations to join.

There is of course the person, Jesus of Nazareth,  I didn't know him in a physical way that I would say the many friends that I have, but I count him among the closest friends I've got.  And I try to emulate that friendship between us with the other friends that I have.  His modeling of living as a human, in any time, one that values others and seeks not one's own glory but the glory that comes from knowing that I am beloved and beloved people know how to extend love matters greatly to me.

I don't know that I've given any reasons here to be a Christian. I do know this that if I weren't I wouldn't be who I am.

Blessings,
Ed

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Reflections for 9/13/11

"What does it mean to be a human being?.....He knew now that at the end there was only one thing that counted-to be a saint....What interests me is learning to become a saint."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life." pp.244-245)

Buechner quotes from two different books with the answer to his question; Graham Greene's The Power and the Glory and Camus The Plague.  Certainly interesting that two different characters come up with a similar answer, be a saint, and how to be a saint.

When we hear the word saint we immediately think of some super human religious person. One who does incredible things in the name of God and who, so the stereotype goes, does nothing wrong.

Both of course like most stereotypes is greatly exaggerated.  While certainly the more famous saints, the one's that get the press' attention do extraordinary things in the name of God, there are saints each and everyday, who live out their faith to the best of their abilities, but for whom notoriety is not going to be coming.

But if being a saint is the answer to being a human, then all we have to be is truly ourselves.  To bring forth from ourselves the best we have to offer.  To allow the light of Christ to shine through us much like the stained glass windows that are found in many religious buildings.

If sainthood was only perfection we'd have no saints. If sainthood was only about the extraordinary and not the ordinary, we'd be short changed.  If being human is being a saint, meaning I suppose that we are named and we have a purpose, then sainthood is achievable for anyone.

Blessings,
Ed

Monday, September 12, 2011

Reflections for 9/12/11

"The other war is the war not to conquer but the war to become whole and a t peace inside our skins. It is a war not of conquest now but of liberation because the object this other war is to liberate that dimension of self hood which has somehow become lost, that dimension of self hood that involves the capacity to forgive and to will the good not only of the self but of all other selves."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 244)

St. Paul often talked about the war within the self.  Probably where we get the notion that I'm my own worse enemy.  In the post 9/11 days we heard much about our lost innocence. And there's something to that. We certainly have lost a lot of valuable inner strengths.

The world seems to me to be more afraid than ever. I don't know whether that is factual or not. I don't know how you measure a fear level.  But I certainly hear the words, I'm afraid of as sentence starters more often than not.  We look for psyche boosters to tell us we're all right, and unfortunately turn to the old standbys of racism and self-protection.  We like to build fences where bridges are needed.  All of which point to a lack of trust in God's benevolence and mercy toward us.

And while I don't expect people with no belief in God, to trust God, I do wonder why those who believe in God or any god take the bait of cynicism and fear.  Perhaps its because we don't know how to forgive ourselves that we can't forgive others. Perhaps it is that we don't know what we really need to be happy so we keep substituting what we think we want. 

Blessings,
Ed

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Reflections for 9/11/11

Today of course is the 10th anniversary of the terrorists attacks here in America.  Most people over the age of 15 can tell you what they were doing when they heard the news.  Of course there are many folks for whom this day will always be filled with sadness, having lost a loved one in the attack.

I recall sitting in shock not believing what I was seeing.  I certainly had concern for my relatives who live and work in Manhattan.  There was so much confusion.and it was hard to get through to folks with the disruption to cell service.  And of course over the next week and days it was just a sad as we watched the outpouring of grief.

10 years later, the day fell on a Sunday.  There was much to do without even thinking about the 10th anniversary. I also knew there would be know way to pretend that it wasn't any different day.  The Gospel lesson was about forgiveness.  In my sermon I reflected that I thought forgiveness was not my first response 10 years ago.  Who was I supposed to forgive.  Even 10 years later, that question remains unanswered, except for the idea that all forgiveness that I offer is not for the other but for my spiritual well being.

I know that life was altered permanently 10 years ago.  I know that the symbolic targets still hold sway for me. Our economy has not been the same since.  Our military is spread across the globe on the offensive.  Our politics seems even more divided.

I also noticed something tonight at our Ecumenical Service. The predominant demographic at this service was older folk.  I'm not sure what that means.  Do events like this play out differently across the generations?  Probably so.

I know that I continue to hold in my prayers the families of victims of this heinous act. And I pray also for all of us, even if we didn't know someone personally who died.  All of us were affected and continue to still live in a very different world than the one we knew before.

Blessings,
Ed

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Reflections for 9/7/11

"What man and woman, if they gave serious thought for what having children inevitably involves, would ever have them? Yet what man and woman, once having had them and loved them, would ever want it otherwise?"(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 239)

When Gail and I got married, we both knew that we wanted to have children.  We didn't right out of the honeymoon because we knew that me being in seminary it would be a struggle financially to start then.  Once I had my first call, it was time to get started and we were fortunate to have two fine sons. We also knew that was probably the limit to what we could handle emotionally and financially.

I will say that no one is ever truly prepared for what having a kid or kids really means until it actually happens.  When you're going through the baby stage you think you'll never sleep again, when will this life form start communicating in a way I can understand.. And of course they eventually do and you begin to wonder when they'll be quiet and stop being so opinionated and willful.

Each age has presented new joys and new challenges.  And since I'm sure I still give my parents new joys and new challenges it never actually stops.

I wouldn't go back in time and have it any other way.  I love my kids, even on days when that is a real challenge because of decisions they make.  I don't think they are perfect by any stretch of the imagination, then again neither am I.

All parents that I've met whether man/woman , same sex, or single, know that the truth of being a parent is that it both energizes and drains us.  And when we are at our best, our kids make out pretty well. When we're not having our best days, even then they may still be alright.

Blessings,
Ed

Monday, September 5, 2011

Reflection for 9/5/11

"We also know that words spoken in deep love or deep hate set things in motion within the human heart that can never be reversed."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 238)

When was the last time someone said something deep to or about you?  Either a compliment or an absolute verbal assault. The kind of phrase that left you stunned either positively or negatively.

We run into a lot of shallow stuff daily. Pious platitudes, sound bite statements. Compliments that we aren't sure are deserved or what may be behind them.  We also know the callous sarcastic barb, the teasing, the name calling, the baiting.  A lot of heat generated but not much light.

I'm sure in my lifetime I've received some words spoken from deep love for me. I am fortunate that I can barely recall a handful of deeply hateful words hurled my way.

I hope that I've said more words out of a place of deep love than hate.  I also hope that the balance of my more shallow moments are from at least a place of love as well.

Blessings,
Ed

Friday, September 2, 2011

Reflection for 9/2/11

"All the major Christian creeds affirm belief in resurrection of the body. In other words they affirm the belief that what God in spite of everything prizes enough to bring back to life is not just some disembodied echo of a human being but a new and revised version of all the things which made him the particular human being he was and which he needs something like a body to express; his personality, the way he looked, the sound of his voice, his peculiar capacity for creating and loving, in some sense his face."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 235)

A central tenet of the Christian faith, is no doubt resurrection. It is the center of the Easter message. It is what makes Christianity different from the other major world religions.  It is also one of the hardest to prove. One either believes it on faith or doesn't.  I can't see much wiggle room.

But what any one Christian believes about resurrection can vary.  I find that this definition by Buechner works for me.  It comes pretty close to what I say about resurrection and heaven when I preach at funerals.  The how will we recognize our loved ones.  I do not believe that the body we end our earthly pilgrimage with is what gets resurrected. That comes to close to Dawn of the Dead. 

Resurrection and heaven for me must reflect who we were when we were at our best.  The person most people would recognize in their minds eye if they were to encounter us again. That means doing the things that gave us life.  Behaving in the ways that made us uniquely us.

I can't prove resurrection to anyone. I do believe it, and don't feel compelled to prove it.  I know I've seen hints of it in my ministry. I look forward to the day when I witness it for myself.

Blessings,
Ed

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Reflections for 9/1/11

"This is the day which the Lord has made,' says the 118th Psalm.  "Let us rejoice and be glad in it.' Or weep and be sad in it  for that matter. The point is to see it for what it is because it will be gone before you know it. If you waste it, it is your life that you're wasting. If you look the other way, it may be the moment you've been waiting for  always that you're missing. all other days have either disappeared into darkness and oblivion or not yet emerged from them. Today is the only day there is."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life." p. 234)

I had a pretty good day today.  There were things to do, people to visit.  No real highs or lows. No unexpected twists.  I probably won't look back on it as anything remarkable one way or the other.  I just know that I could be marked as present.

I also know that many of my friends who are still feeling the effects of Irene cannot say the same thing.  I can't imagine not looking back and feeling loss. I can't imagine not thinking about the days weeks and months ahead cleaning up.  Being present in today is probably quite the challenge.

But perhaps it is those days that are neither filled with great joy or sorrow, that we need to pay attention to.  What do we make of those days?  Do we just stumble through them. Either pining for some mythical past, or longing or worrying about what the future holds?

To live for today, each day, is one of the greatest challenges of being human.  But I wouldn't want to miss a moment.

Blessings,
Ed

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Reflection for 8/31/11

"In honesty you have to admit to a wise man that prayer is not for the wise, not for the prudent, not for the sophisticated. Instead it is for those who recognize that in face of their deepest needs, all their wisdom is quite helpless. It is for those who are willing to persist in doing something that is both childish and crucial."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 231)

I consider myself reasonably smart and prudent. Sophisticated, that's not a word that immediately comes to mind. I also know myself to be a person of prayer.  I believe prayer to be a conversation with God, a time where I am reminded of people that matter to me. The place I go when I need to sort things out.

I don't believe prayer to be about wish fulfillment.  I do believe that prayer is answered, even if I don't actually understand the answer, or it would not be the answer I expected.  I know that prayer is childish in that it involves a certain level of trust, and room for the unknown.  I know it to be crucial because when I'm not attentive to my prayer life, things have a habit of going askew.

I know prayer is not for everyone. There are people who have walked away from it because they have been disappointed by the lack of the outcome that they sought.  I also know some people who make absolute statements about prayer who have to do some real mental gymnastics to explain why prayer didn't work.

Blessings,
Ed

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Reflection for 8/30/11

"Unfortunately the only language people really understand is their own language, and unless preachers are prepared to translate the ancient verities into it, they might as well save their breath."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 230)

Now you're speaking my language, is a phrase which usually is meant to say, I like what you're saying, or I agree with you.  Occasionally it may also mean I understand what you're saying.  I know there are parts of life where English may in fact be spoken, but I am clueless as to what the person is trying to tell me.  Either the words are jargon laden and I'm not invested in what is being talked about or there are times when someone is trying to sound impressive but may in fact be covering up for the fact that they really have nothing to say.

Sometimes when I'm with brother and sister clergy, I wonder if I"m just the dumbest guy at the table. They use words that I'm sure at one time, probably seminary, I knew the meaning of, but I just don't care anymore.  I know I should but I don't.

I hope that for the most part, I convey my thoughts clearly, precisely and in a way that doesn't leave people wondering what I just said.

We're told English is a complicated language to learn.  Tough on immigrants and apparently tough on natives as well.  There is a beauty to it, and without language in our tongue, important ideas can be left in the mist.

Blessings,
Ed

Monday, August 29, 2011

Reflection for 8/29/11

"But notice this: that love is not really one of man's powers. Man cannot achieve love, generate love, wield love, as he does his powers of destruction and creation. When I love someone it is not something that I have achieved, but something that is happening through me, something that is happening to me as well as to him."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p.230)

Love is a word that often comes out of our mouths.  We tell people we are close to that we love them. I tell my wife this everyday.  I'm not as good at articulating it to my sons, but this may be a particular hick up in the life of the father-son relationship.  I know I love them, and would do anything for them, and try my best to make their lives enjoyable and create space for them to grow in.  I also tell my parents that I love them, which I do. 

I also know that love as word is something that can flow very casually as well, without much depth.  How many of us as teenagers told the current "flame" at the time that we loved them.  Perhaps we were parroting what we heard others say, but generally  I doubt that I really loved any of them.  I liked them well enough, but was still working out what it meant to really love some non-relative in that way.

The same can be said I think when we say we love God, or love Jesus.  What do we really mean by that?  Is it words we say because that's what we think we are supposed to say?  Is it like that teenage "love" where we use the word while working out what it really means to us?

The hope of course is that it becomes something much deeper, that manifests itself not only from our lips, but in our lives. Lip service to love is often used to get something back. Fidelity and service to love is when we know it is real.

Blessings,
Ed

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Reflections for 8/28/11

"And deep in my heart I do believe  we shall overcome some day, as he will, by God's grace, by helping the seed of the kingdom grow in ourselves and in each other until finally in all of us it becomes a tree where the birds of the air can come and make their nest in our branches. That is all that matters really."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 229)

I got up this morning and headed over to the church. Unlike many of my colleagues I did not cancel services because of Irene. Maybe I'm foolish, the warnings were fairly dyer. But I've never succumbed to weather reports.  I also believe that if the roads weren't clear, nobodies zeal for the Lord is that great that they would venture out if it weren't safe to do so.

Granted not many made it.  As a matter of fact you could add all three services together and you wouldn't have the normal crowd for our 8 am service.  But I know that many overcame some detours to get there. Many overcame the obstacle to letting the predictions dictate their actions.  And their crazy priest wasn't giving them a reason to skip.  Though maybe he should have.

There are of course in life many obstacles that we need to overcome. Some or truly huge and not of our own making. Others are mountains we've made out of mole hills.  Seeing only what might be a problem and not stopping to think and pray about what solutions might be available to us.

Doing "kingdom work" is never easy. And in the cultural context of the Northeast where there exists a certain apathy towards faith, it is no small obstacle.  But for those of us who keep our focus on these matters and continue to seek, knock and keep moving, amazing things do occur.

Blessings,
Ed

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Reflections for 8/24/11

The conference has ended and I'm hanging out waiting to go to the airport.  Conferences are always hard to leave especially ones that are engaging and are happening in beautiful locations.  I don't long to get back on the plane, though I look forward to coming home.

I don't fly very often, though I do enjoy the thrill of hurtling through the air albeit in a contained environment *(I have no desire to sky dive).  What I do not enjoy is the airport experience, the long lines, the wondering if you're plane has been delayed.  I also find the seats rather confining. No real elbow room even, and not the most comfortable position to sleep in.  I really do need my physical as well as emotional space.

One of the last speakers today was Bishop Barry Beisner of Northern California, who talked about vocation and leadership using the metaphor of hiking.  This caught my attention, because I used to love to hike.  I had a dream once of doing the whole Appalachian Trail.  But I was too timid to take that kind of risk at the age when it was feasible and my body could have done it.

He said there were four things to keep in mind when hiking and related each to our work and I would add life in general.  You must consider "trail."  There really are clear paths that have been walked by others and while they sometimes need some tending, they can still be seen. Our "companions" who do we trust to be with us, whose company will we really enjoy, and who will motivate us when we want to call it quits. The "load", what we carry with us, do we know how to pack for the journey, what is it we really need, and what do we take because we think it might be useful but it just takes up space and weighs us down.  And finally is "pace."  If we go to fast we will burn out or collapse, but if we go to slow, we might not get to where we are going  before it gets too dark to function.

I hope someday to be in good enough shape again to at least walk around the mountains in Copake Falls, but I know in the journey of life, those four things are essential, to a happy, productive and fantastic journey.

Blessings,
Ed

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Reflections for 8/23/11

Apparently there was an earthquake on the East Coast today.  I missed it because I'm here at a conference in Minnesota.  While I didn't experience the forces of nature rocking my world.  I too felt a trembling today.

I was invited to give a presentation to this conference.  As someone who regularly has to get up in front of people and speak, you would think that I might have this shaking under control.  What I'm beginning to understand is it is not the public speaking that shakes me up, but what I may have to say that gets me trembling.

When I'm nervous I can feel that shaking in my legs.  I can hear a quivering in my voice.  I don't know if others notice it or not, but I'm very aware of it.

The funny thing was that I realized that it was because I was sharing my "faith story" in the context of something else and that it is still a daunting task for me.  Because my story isn't sexy, I always fear that in comparison to others my story sucks, and then those feelings of inadequacy start to take over.

Yet after today I realized how powerful that story is, even if I don't find it to be "news worthy."

How much in our experience of life do we think is "vanilla" and yet is essential to who we are, that the telling of the story, when we can muster the courage to tell it, is quite profound.

Earth moving, perhaps not.  But important in understanding who I am, essential.

Blessings,
Ed

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Reflections for 8/17/11

"When the kingdom really comes, it's as if the thing you  lost and thought you'd never find again is you."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life." p. 217)

Self-discovery is a life long journey I find.  Who is the real me, is a question that constantly puzzles and drives me.  I've taken every personality test out there. I'm an ENFP according to Myers-Briggs test.  "Warmly enthusiastic, planners of change: imaginative,individualistic, pursue inspiration with impulsive energy; seek to understand and inspire others."

I can see myself in that, but of course there's also the very shy Ed, the one who deals in the here and now, and constantly keeps looking for boundaries.

I know none of that makes me much different than most.  I generally feel comfortable in my own skin, but occasionally wonder if the real Ed would please stand up. 

There's that verse in the hymn Amazing Grace, "I once was lost, but now am found."  I haven't fully lost myself, but there are times that I get off track and wonder where I am.

Which brings me back to the quote from Buechner, I suppose the kingdom is coming within as I continue this life long journey. It doesn't get fully accomplished but is always in view.

Blessings,
Ed

Friday, August 12, 2011

Reflections for 8/12/11

"I had music on the radio, but I didn't need it.  The day made its own music."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 210)

I will readily admit that I often have music playing in my car.  It usually is not the radio. I can't stand commercials and also the AOR stations in Philly seem to be fixated on only a few bands. My son and I joke that every time we got in the car either Pink Floyd or Pearl Jam was playing.  For the record I like both of those bands, but enough already.

I usually just have my IPod on shuffle and away we go.  It takes a while to get through 786 songs.  I like my music because it keeps me awake. Sometimes I'll sing along but not often.  I sometimes wonder why a priest is listening to hard rock and heavy metal, with some of the focus of the lyrics seeming to contradict some important beliefs that I hold.  It is also true that I don't pay that much attention to the lyrics.  That might be why I thought the album rating system that Al Gore's wife came up with was a dumb idea, unless you were a marketing exec.

I know that there are times that I love to just sit outside and let the sounds of the world be my music, but not when I'm in my car.  Driving with the windows down just doesn't do it for me. 

And when I can hear a song that just gets my head bopping along and energizes me, I'm good to go. 

Blessings,
Ed

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Reflections for 8/11/11

"Like the bear in Thurber's fable, sometimes the pious lean so far over backward that they fall flat on their face."(F.Buechner "Listening to Your Life." p. 210)

Flexibility verses rigidity.  If one is rigid and starts to lean they just fall.  When one is flexible a lean back doesn't cause a fall as much as it does gain a new perspective.

I wonder if sometimes I can get rigid. I like to consider myself flexible, open to other ideas.  Yet I'm sure there are times that I've dug my heals in on something or tried to remain immovable only to have the whole endeavor crash.

That is not to say that occasionally having a spine is a bad thing. There are times that we need to hold fast to what we believe to be true, or important.  And it is also a sign of wisdom and grace when we know how to let go.

Blessings,
Ed

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Reflections for 8/9/11

"It's hard to imagine that there's a believer anywhere who wouldn't have traded places with Thomas, given the chance, and seen that face and heard that voice and touched those ruined hands."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p.209)

I have a fairly lively and vivid imagination. I can visualize what a scene from a book looks like even if there aren't any pictures. I often go back in my mind and think about what I might do differently given a second chance at it.  I also love to imagine trips to far away places or that road trip around the country watching baseball.

The History Channel also feeds this urge, with its reenactments.  I can picture being at different times, just to observe, not to alter.

I'm sure as a believer there are scenes from the Bible that I'd love to witness.

What would you love to have seen? Who in history or fiction would you love to trade places with?  What in your past would you like to replay?  What dreams of the future keep you moving forward each day?

Blessings,
Ed

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Reflections for 8/7/11

"It is no wonder that the books and newspapers we read , the movies and TV we watch, are obsessed with the dark and demonic, are full of death and violence. It is as if the reason we wallow in them is that they help us keep our minds off the real death, the real violence."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 205)

Let me start by saying that I realize that I watch entirely too much TV.  And most of it for the record isn't PBS.  TV has always been a mind number. Whatever the genre it is pure escapism.  The Soaps have always been this and of course now we've introduced into our lexicon reality TV.

I can look at these train wrecks on TV and wonder why am I so fascinated by it.  Of course I could wonder why pro-wrestling had a similar hold on me too.  My hunch is because I haven't figured out other ways to empty myself and shut off my mind.

I know I could read more, yet I don't. I could take long walks, but I don't.  I do understand that I have to deal with a lot of death, generally not graphic, but still trying.  I have to try and help people sift through some fairly dysfunctional stuff.  And at the moment I choose to clear the deck so to speak with things that aren't actually life giving.

I know its not healthy, and I'm trying to cut back.  I also know that there are other mind emptying exercises that would be far more cleansing.  Perhaps they may be worth a try.

Blessings,
Ed

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Reflections for 8/6/11

'Even with us something like that happens once in a while. The face of a man walking his child in the park, of a woman picking peas in the garden, of sometimes even the unlikeliest person listening to a concert, say, or standing in the sand watching the waves roll in, or just having a beer at a Saturday baseball game in July. Every once and so often, something so touching, so incandescent, so alive transfigures the human face that it's almost beyond bearing."(F. Buechener "Listening to Your Life"p. 204)

Every time I hear or see something heinous occur between or by human beings, I feel like screaming what's wrong with the world.  Yet there are those moments where I see people doing something so profoundly beautiful or compassionate that I get hopeful real fast. I'm reminded that the human condition is always ready to act in profoundly positive ways.

Of course there are moments that aren't monumental but also remind me of why I love being alive in this time and this place.  There are still scenes of everyday normal life, that I go Yes!  I see this happen in people that I am close to and from time to time in people that I probably will never see again.

While those random acts of beauty do not completely erase the uglier side of life, they do serve to remind me where to place my hope.

Blessings,
Ed

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Reflections for 8/4/11

"Very young children and very old children also seem to be in touch with something that the rest of the pack has lost track of."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p.203)

While I tend to subscribe more to the biblical phrase that today's problems are enough for today," I will admit that I can space off into remembering my past and dreaming about my future from time to time.

Of course I know what my childhood looked like. And while I could sit and bemoan the not so pleasant parts and see them as some root cause of what I still don't get right, I do know that there are parts that were wonderful and still feed my soul now.  My musical tastes have not matured, expanded perhaps but I still love rock and roll, the louder and faster the better.  I still love baseball, even if I still can't play it any better than I could when I was eight.  I still love walking in the woods, and still have a vivid imagination and love to make lists. Most of which will never be checked off.

And those times that I contemplate post retirement life, I hope that I will be able to sit back, relax and just enjoy.  Do things as long as my body will let me and then gracefully let go, when it won't. 

I get to see young children and old children regularly in my line of work. And often they are some of the funnest people to spend time with. I hope when become an old child, that I might still be seen as fun to be around.

Blessings,
Ed

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Reflections for 8/3/11

"Wine is booze, which means it is dangerous and drunk making. It makes the timed brave and the reserved amorous. It loosens the tongue and breaks the ice especially when served in a loving cup. It kills germs. As a symbols, it is a rather splendid one."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p.201)

The church throughout its history has had a love/hate relationship with alcohol.  In the Roman Catholic Church, Lutheran and Episcopal churches, we generally use real wine at communion, no grape juice in shot glasses here.  In my denomination we have made attempts to be sensitive to the reality of alcoholism and some now offer non-alcoholic wine.  It is also true that many churches use wine that is almost as unpalatable as NightTrain.

Of course you're not actually supposed to be getting very much so that shouldn't actually matter.  The anti-alcohol view that dominates other churches has always fascinated me.  I understand the not wanting to condone getting hammered, and I certainly have seen lives ruined by an addiction to alcohol.  Yet scripture has never been against alcohol or drinking in moderation.  It certainly has something to say about being drunk and making that drug your god.

Honestly I'm not much of a drinker.  I'll have a beer maybe once a month, all totalled I doubt I reach a case. It doesn't make me a better person, it just is not something I enjoy doing, and I'm cheap.

I didn't grow up in a house where alcohol mattered at all.  There was a lot of dust and cobwebs in our liquor cabinet.  I have witnessed people relaxing because of a drink, I've also seen some people become even more obnoxious as a result. Usually because they didn't know when to stop.

And that is true unfortunately of just about anything that is good in this world, food, sex, alcohol, sun bathing...We sometimes lose sight of the blessing and wind up over our heads.

Blessings,
Ed

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Reflections for 8/2/11

"In a sense we are all hungry and in need, but we don't recognize it. With plenty to eat in the deeprfreeze, with a roof over our heads and a car in the garage., we assume that the empty feeling inside must be just a case of the blues that can be cured by a a weekend in the country or an extra martini at lunch or the purchase of a color TV. The poor on the other hand are under no such delusion."(F Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 201)

Today our government raised the "debt ceiling" while hacking away a large chunk of expenditures.  Depending on which side of the aisle your lenses view the world, you see both things as good and bad.  I honestly don't understand numbers this big, I especially can't relate to the people who make these decisions because they all have more net worth than I'll ever have and probably have never experienced real material poverty.

Frankly compared to many people in the world I hardly qualify as poor either.  I probably pay 20% of my income to taxes when you factor it all together.  While I won't claim that I wouldn't mind paying less, I do know what I'd like to believe the taxes that I pay are being used for.

And that in may be what makes this such a divisive issue. Why money will cause us to lose our minds and ultimately our souls.  When I lose sight of the negative impact on folks worse off than me is, then I've become a tad to self absorbed.  I always told myself that when I paid the Social Security part of my tax, to put a face to that money, and since I had grandparents and now parents, and certainly in my vocation others who rely heavily on those checks, I could make that sacrifice.

At the moment I find myself trying not to cave in to the fear that we may be about to exasperate an already humongous problem.

Blessings,
Ed

Monday, August 1, 2011

Reflections for 8/1/11

"The unflagging lunacy of God. the unending seaminess of man. the meeting between them that is always a matter of life or death and usually both."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p.200)

Every time I get asked to do something, I'm always wondering if this is a matter of life or death?  I can recall as a parent of younger children, saying "is there blood?" when responding to some apparent crisis.

The truth is that when I'm in a crisis, for me it is a matter of life or death. Or at least it seems that way.  And of course most of my problems come from really poor planning on my part.  I still am amazed how often the unflagging lunacy of God seems to step in and at least reorient me or calm me down.  The lunacy is how often I'm rescued from my own apparent life or death situation.  And this probably due  to my over blowing the situation and through that crazy grace being allowed to calm down and look at the truth of the situation before proceeding further.

Blessings,
Ed

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Reflections for 7/31/11

"True humility doesn't consist of thinking ill of yourself but of not thinking of yourself much differently from the way you'd be apt to think of anybody else. It is the capacity for being no more and no less pleased when you play your own hand well than when your opponents do."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 197)

I'd like to see myself as a humble person.  At least in the way that Buechner describes it above.  I have a feeling I'm more likely to down play anything I do well while always praising others.  That isn't actually humility, it's more about attitude towards myself and a negative one at that.

True humility would have to actually admit that there are things that I do well.  True humility would also not be measuring myself against the performance of others but merely appreciating how they do things well too.

What I see is that true humility really lies in being able to  live fully into Jesus' second greatest commandment, "love your neighbor as yourself."

Blessings,
Ed

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Reflections for 7/30/11

"Which of us can look back on our own lives without seeing in them the role of blind chance and dumb luck? But faith, says the author of the Epistle to the Hebrews is 'the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.'"(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p.196)

One of the more stressful aspects of just about every vacation I take, is financial.  How far can we make the money we have to spend go?  I'll readily admit that this last trip especially towards the end was one where I really thought we would be getting close to not having any money left. 

But two weird things occurred.  We arrived in one town and the hotel had bumped us.  The silver lining the parent company paid for our other hotel.  And also approaching an unforeseen toll and not thinking I had any cash only to stop panicking and find enough in my pocket.

Dumb luck, blind chance? Maybe, but I chose as a person of faith to see it as a grace filled moment.  The one that reminded me that all I needed to do was trust. 

I'm sure there are other instances that might also qualify as blind chance or dumb luck.  They just as easily can be seen as grace filled moments.

Blessings,
Ed

Friday, July 29, 2011

Reflections for 7/29/11

"For another thing, his father, King David, was always either spoiling him rotten or reading him the riot act.This did not promote stability of character."(F.Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p.195)

It has been a few weeks since I've written a reflection. I've been on an amazing journey, otherwise known as a vacation, with my two sons.  We traveled well over 4000 miles in 11 days, touring Midwest baseball stadiums.  Mrs Zelley chose to stay home in the air conditioned comfort of the house and work at her new job.

I wouldn't call the trip a bonding time, mainly because I believe I have a good relationship with my sons.  I'm not their best friend, I don't try to be.  I'd like to believe that I've been a good dad. One who has allowed them to grow up reasonably happy, and with reasonable boundaries and expectations.

I don't believe they are above reproach, but I will say that I find their behavior normal for teenagers.

Most parent/child relationships are complex.  In many ways most of us reflect our upbringings, and in some less fortunate cases have to heal from them.

24 hours of straight contact with the same people for 11 days can either affirm what you already feel about someone or drive you nuts.  I'd have to say that these last 11 days affirmed what I already knew about my sons.  They are basically decent people. Their behavior not abnormal for the age group.  And how blessed I feel to have spent this time with them showing them important parts of my past, and sharing a common love we have for the sport of baseball.

Blessings,
Ed

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Reflections for 7/13/11

"Self-love or pride is a sin when, instead of leading you to share with others the self you love, it lead you to keep your self in perpetual safe-deposit. You not only don't accrue any interest that way but become less and less interesting every day." (F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 182)

Love thy neighbor as thyself. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  We all know these phrases. The "Golden Rules."  Every major religion has some variation of it.

I remember an ethics professor commenting that she deserved better than love neighbor as yourself.  She'd seen to many people who couldn't or wouldn't love themselves, and did not wish to be treated in the same way.  Good point.  I know I get a little testy when I hear people talk about how much they love God and the next thing they say is how much they hate {fill in the blank}.  I'm not sure how that really works.

Of course there is also that love of self which is more about notice me while I pay no attention to you.  That's the kind Buechner is addressing.  A person doesn't grow from that point of view. Mainly because of the second point most people lose interest.

The  self-love that knows what it has to offer the world, and does so out of love for that world, is the kind Jesus was looking for.  It is the kind that leads to personal growth.  The kind that others are interested in watching and imitating.

Sometimes the most amazing thing to me about these kind of folks, is how little they are aware of what they are doing. They just do it for the sake of that circular love, God-neighbor-self.

Blessings,
Ed

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Reflections for 7/12/11

"We must hep bear each other's burdens. We must pray for each other. We must nourish each other, weep with each other, rejoice with each other. Sometimes we must just learn to let each other alone. In short we must love each other."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life." p.181)

At most weddings that I officiate, they inevitably read 1 Corinthians 13.  I'm not saying that's a bad thing. Actually it is probably the best marital advice in the Bible, which is ironic since it has nothing to do with marriage.  It is of course very much about community and relationship with others, and for those of us who are married that relationship is certainly way at the top.

The things we do for love is more than walking in the rain and the snow.  It is about helping someone who is overburdened.  If we are people who pray, be willing to pray.  To offer food and advice, to be present when someone is having a bad day, and when everything is going right for them, even if you're having the bad day.  And as hard as it is for me to sometimes grasp, to let people be alone when they ask.

Love is of course a mutual thing.  We should also be able to expect those same actions towards us from those    whom we love and who love us.

Blessings,
Ed

Monday, July 11, 2011

Reflections for 7/11/11

"One agile Lyman Woodard stood on his head in the belfry with his fee toward heaven. That's the one and only thing I've been able to find out about Lyman Woodard, whoever he hwas, but it is enough. I love him for doing what he did. It was a crazy thing to do. It was a risky thing to do. It ran counter to all standards orf new England practicality and prudence. It stood the whole idea that you're supposed to be nothing but solemn in church on its head just like Lyman himself standing upside down on his. And it was also a magical and magnifticent and Mozartian thing to do." (F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" pp. 180-181)

Sometimes I wonder if I've actually lived life fully.  I'm hard pressed to recall a single time I've done anything outlandish, playfully foolish or risky.  If anythng I'm at least consistent.

I certainly appreciate that perhaps Mr. Woodward was so overcome by joy that he couldn't help himself.  I certainly have witnessed people do fun and silly things, just because they felt like it.

And while doing crazy things may not be the norm, I'm sure someone could recall a moment where I did something outside of normal Ed behavior.  I mean that in a positive way.  Not something that people would shake their heads and be disappointed to hear that I had done, but something that made them laugh or say wow who would have thought he'd do something like that, and smile as they said it.

Have you ever done something outside of the predictable you.  Something outlandish born from a place of great joy.  You probably have.  But if it was way outside of the predictable you, its been suppressed.

Blessings,
Ed

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Reflections for 7/10/11

"The psalmist doesn't try to explain evil. He doesn't try to minimize evil. He simply says he will not fear evil. For all the power that evil has, it doesn't have the power to make him afraid."(F.Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 180)

As a child I am sure I was afraid of many things, usually other people especially ones my own age.  Being a fairly easy target for bullies I may have had some level of justification.  I eventually got tougher, though not happier.

In sports I was also afraid.  Probably why I never really learned to catch a baseball or hit one, just afraid.  I was a horrible goalie because I was afraid to dive for the ball. Funny thing was in college I became a good goalie because someone got me past my fear.

I'm not a big fan of  thrills or horror movies. But I'm no longer afraid.

I don't have a lot of fear of anything these days.  I don't live a care free existence by any stretch of the imagination, but I do move forward in life.  I may get apprehensive and slow down, but I'm not paralyzed by fear.

What I've noticed most about overcoming fears, is how much it cannot be done alone.  And that may be the most important message the psalmist, especially the one who wrote Psalm 23 really got. I'm never alone even in those times when I should be most afraid.

Blessings,
Ed

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Reflections for 7/9/11

"I suspect that the paths of righteousness he leads us in are more than anything else the paths of trust like that and the kind of life that grows out of that trust."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 180)

Trust is one of the hardest things to give and to maintain I suspect.  I know who I trust, because I can tell them anything, I believe fully that they have my best interest at heart.  I would do anything for them and go anywhere with them.

I don't know that I trust the government in the same way.  I'm not paranoid about them, I just doubt that those elected officials have any idea what I need or want out of life, so they are just a necessary inconvenience to me.

I trust God for the reasons that I stated above about the important people in my life.  I know that the life that I have that has grown out of that trusting relationship has impacted every other relationship.

Trust can lead to righteousness because the relationship is right.  It does not lead to self-righteousness, because that is relationship out of whack.

Who do you trust?  Who trusts you? Is the path you're walking one that people will follow or walk along side of you? Or do you walk a lonely road?

Blessings,
Ed

Friday, July 8, 2011

Reflections for 7/8/11

"Like sheep we get hungry, and hungry for more than just food. We get thirsty for more than just drink. Our souls get hungry and thirsty; in fact is is often that sense of inner emptiness that makes us know we have souls in the first place."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 178)

I once knew a dairy farmer up in the town my parents now reside in.  He said "sheep are dumb, cows are neat." Granted he may have been biased, but he does seem to be on to something.  Part of me gets a little tense with the biblical imagery being a sheep, especially if they really are dumb.  I'd much rather be neat.

I do understand and relate though to the image of sheep that seem to go their own way.  I can have a serious independent streak within. Something that always seems to long for something that I don't have, yet cannot name.  It makes me restless, bored sometimes.  And when those moments take over, I find that things that usually are fulfilling stop happening. Take writing this blog.  It's been a week since I last wrote I think. It hasn't been that I've had too much to do.  I just couldn't find the motivation.

And yet today, something made me want to write.  Maybe it is just the impending vacation. Maybe its the weather. Maybe it feels like this is an important part of my vocation and I need to get back on track.

Or maybe I just heard the shepherds voice saying Ed.

Blessings,
Ed

Friday, July 1, 2011

Reflections for 7/1/11

"Out of each old self that dies, some precious essence is preserved for the new self that is born; and within the child-self that is part of us all, there is perhaps nothing more precious than the fathomless capacity to trust."(F.Buechner "Listening to Your Life." p.174)

Well today starts the second half of 2011. It was a slow day. I'm not all the amped about holiday weekends, I have to work each day, so yawn for me. 

As a child summer time for me really was much more about the month of August. That is when my father took his vacation time from the parish. My mom, as a teacher, had the whole summer off anyway.  I'm sure my love for travel and seeing our great country is directly related to that childhood.  While I don't take whole months off, I'm looking forward to showing my sons pieces of our country and a lot of a shared love, baseball.

As I watched the news tonight, mostly about people heading for the shore, I was again reminded of my past.  My grandparents having a house in Ocean City. Walking along the beach, eating Campbell's Seafood.  The magic of the boardwalk.

I live closer to Ocean City now than I did as a child, but I don't get there as much.  No house to go to and the boardwalk, while having many of the same rides I loved as a kid, no longer speaks to my teenagers.  Fortunately it did when they were younger.

There are parts of me and what I've always loved that are still alive and well, sports and rock music.  I still like to read, but haven't found the time.  What I value in this world and what I think is truly important also have their roots in the younger self, but are more nuanced now.

What I hope I never lose or have nuanced is that child like trust. The one that Jesus talks about his disciples really needing to have in order to make it in this world.  I battle cynicism and paranoia both within myself and with those that I encounter. 

I'd like to trust authority, but I'm not there yet.  I'll respect it, but from a distance.  Maybe if it were really there for me, the trust would be easier.

Blessings,
Ed

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Reflections for 6/30/11

"Dying and dissolution continue to strike fear in me. Death itself does not. Ten years ago if somebody had offered me a vigorous, healthy life that would never end, I would have said yes. Today I think I would say no. I love my life as much as I ever did and will cling on to it for as long as I can, but life without death has become as unthinkable to me as day without night or waking without sleep."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life." p. 172)

I'm not afraid of death either.  And while I'm not death defying by any stretch, I do believe in living life fully.  I too would reject never ending life on earth, unless you could guarantee the same for everyone and not bring anymore people in.  And that is ridiculous.

I certainly have enough experience being with dying folks to not let it destroy me.  I'm not saying that it is easy to be present in that moment, but it comes with the territory.

When I think of retirement I sometimes dream of going to the local animal shelter and saying I'd like the large old dog that has a few good years in them, that no one else seems to want.  Take em for walks, have them sit with me while I read or watch a ball game and let them die happy and loved.

And maybe that's my hope for myself as well. Enjoy life for as long as I have it, and when I die let me be happy and loved.

Blessings,
Ed

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Reflections for 6/29/11

"It is impossible for me to believe that the words even of scientific genius can say all there is to say about the origin of the universe as it is impossible for me to believe that the words even of Sophocles or Shakespeare can say all there is to say about human tragedy or the words even of Jesus Christ can say ll there is to say about
God and about our lives under God."(F Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 171)

"Is that your final answer?" The catch phrase of Regis Philbin on the show who wants to be a millionaire.  He of course is trying to make the contestant squirm, and to perhaps second guess themselves and create a little drama on what is mostly an easy multiple choice game. 

As is the case with any test, a final answer ultimately has to be given.  But there are things in life that aren't about final answers.  There are unfolding mysteries.  And as the saying goes, just when you think you have all the answers, we change the questions.

I even know as a parent that my answers aren't always final.  I try to at least start with a let me think about it.  Which does not bind me one way or the other right then and there.

But many academic disciplines look for final answers. Whether it be the hard sciences or the social sciences, each new discovery or though attempts to stake some claim to being the final answer and yet somewhere down the road some new discovery or insight, brings the next final answer.

I don't particularly like final answers. I find them to binding. I like to live in a world of incompleteness where there are still mysteries to solve, still thoughts to be thought, still relationships to be forged.  I hope I never lose such a curiosity.  I might be so crazy as to suggest that when I have all the answers, either God or I am dead.

Blessings,
Ed

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Reflections for 6/28/11

"That, I suppose, is the final mystery as well as the final power of words: that not even across great distances of time and space do they ever lose their capacity for becoming incarnate. Adn when these words tell of virtue and nolity, when they move us closer to that truth and gentleness of spirit by which we become fully human, the readeing of them is sacramental."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 170-171)

Summer always seems to make people think about reading.  Perhaps its visions of more free time, though I'm not sure that is actually true for most people.  I know that if my vacations were sitting at the beach or lake front, I'd probably do more pleasure reading. I say this because I know at one time I was a voracious reader.

I haven't stopped reading, but will admit that the ratio of reading to tv watching is out of whack at the moment.  I also know that I'd weigh a lot less if I'd change that ratio. Very hard to read a book and stuff your face at the same time.

What I recall loving most about reading was discovering insights into myself.  Or perhaps putting me in the place of one of the characters.  One of my favorite childhood books was My Side of the Mountain and I do recall dreaming of being that person.  I identify very much with Gandolf from the Lord of the Rings Trilogy.

Of course as a Christian, I find my self and my experiences of living in this world in the Bible.  That's why it still speaks to me, because I'm in there.  The good, the bad and the ugly of me. 

For something to be sacramental it is supposed to be an outward and visible sign of an inward and spiritual grace, and I can see how books can be that.  Certainly they are outward and visible signs and the the places we find connection to ourselves the inward part comes into focus.

I don't know if I'll read much on my vacation this year. Too much baseball and driving. But I might try very hard to get back into the habit of reading for the sheer joy of it.

Blessings,
Ed

Monday, June 27, 2011

Reflections for 6/27/11

"There is very little religion in Shakespeare, but when he is greatest, he is most religious."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 169)

I certainly have read plenty of Shakespeare in my life.  From British Lit. at MHS, to a whole semester at Grinnell College.  Of course it was probably ruined for me because I had to write a paper on whichever play it was we were reading.  I should probably go back and just read them for pleasure, knowing there's no test or paper to write. Would I see religious themes in the writings now?  Who knows.  I certainly think of the soliloquy in MacBeth, life is but a fleeting shadow, a tale told by an idiot full of sound and fury signifying nothing, and I hear echoes of St. Paul.  Our Puck with "Lord What fools these mortals be."

Shakespeare would not be the only author I'd love to go back and read now that I could just read. How much more might I see in some of the other authors I read in high school and college?  I know that reading the Chronicles of Narnia and the Harry Potter Books through the lenses of my vocation, I see very familiar themes.  The end of the Deadly Hallows is almost blatantly Passion/Easter narrative.

So what would you love to read again if you knew you could just read it?  What in your current life experience might reveal some new insight that you hadn't seen before?

Blessings,
Ed

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Reflections for 6/26/11

"To go on as though something has happened, even though we are not sure what it was or just where we are supposed to go with it, is to enter the dimension of life that religion is a word for."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 169)

I am sure there have been times in my life when I've experienced something or made a choice to do something and have no rational reason for doing it.  I don't mean that in some fool hardy or dangerous way.  But at a moment when I chose to take a direction that isn't clear to me where it will lead or why it is the right thing to do. I just know it to be right.

And when I reflect on the Elijah passage where he senses the presence of God not in earthquakes, wind, or fire, but in sheer silence.  Something that makes no sense but he comes out of the cave anyway, right then.

In a world where we feel that we constantly have to justify or choices, weigh every pro and con, look to make sure we considered every possible outcome, we may miss the real opportunity to live fully into our lives.  We may also miss out on encounters with God.

Often what we are looking for isn't as clear as it first seems.  Usually below the surface of what we articulate lies the real heart of what we long for and really need.

Blessings,
Ed

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Reflections for 6/25/11

"There is a game we play sometimes. If we could somehow meet one of the great ones of history, which one would we choose?"(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 167)

I certainly have played that game, though I think it usually was played more in the writing of a paper or answering an interview question.  I suppose the first choice would be obvious given my vocation, Jesus of Nazereth.  Next I'd take Paul of Tarsus.  Both I'd like to hear directly what they meant. I'd ask them what they thought of my world. 

Because my interests vary I would have someone in almost any field of study or era.  The history major in me would actually rather go back in time to observe events rather than interview individuals.  My hunch is that most of the great ones in history would be no better at articulating their real thoughts, motives etc. than our current important people are.  Imagine the great ones being interviewed by Jon Stewart or Bill O'Reilly to name two who people take seriously.

So who would you choose? What would you ask?  It is a fun game to play.  Here's another if someone in the future decided to come back and talk to you, what would you have to say?

Blessings,
Ed

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Reflections for 6/23/11

"To read the story of our immigrant forebears as it is summarized on the base of the old statue is to read our own story, and maybe it is only when we see that it is our own story that we can really understand either it or ourselves."(F.Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 166)

The summer before my senior year of high school I went to American Legion Boys State. It was basically a conference about civics and was in many ways a great experience.  One goofier moment that I recall was waiting for a film to start and they were having technical difficulties.  For some reason someone shouted "I'm an Italian-American."  This was followed by a multitude of other hyphenated Americans, until I finally shouted "I'm a WASP."  To which everyone laughed.

The truth is that I don't have a fabulous immigrant story. No love for some other country that I've never visited let alone lived in.  I'm not even an American mutt.  My ancestors have been in this country since the 18th century.

When I visited Ellis Island, as a history major, I found the place fascinating. So many stories. And then I thought about the history of each of those waves of immigrants.  Each one seen as lower forms of life by the established population.  And yet in time each of those nationalities becoming "American" eventually.  With all the rights and privileges and all the heartbreak and headache that come with it.

And I believe it is those foreigners in our midst that continue to make the fabric of our nation so wonderful.  And while I love being who I am in that context, I learn much from my encounters with the non-WASPS.  And as a Christian, I share in the hope of another promised land.

Blessings,
Ed

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Reflections for 6/22/11

"He hears inside himself the words, 'Water the earth with the tears of your joy and love those tears' and suddenly he gets down on all fours and kisses the earth with his lips, and when he gets up, he's no longer a teary wreck of a boy but a 'champion,' Dostoevsky writes-some kind of crazy champion and hero."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 165)

Buechner's reflection is on a scene from the Brothers Karamazov.  I may have read the book in my high school World Literature Class at Metuchen High School, I just don't remember.  But I can picture the scene.  The character awakes from a dream that he has at a funeral and runs out of that place filled with joy because of the dream, and moves away from his grief and disappointment to a different way of being.

Tears of joy.  I think the last time I shed those was when my son won his first varsity wrestling match.  I hope I was just happy for him.  Somehow I'm sure there was that part of me that was reliving my lack of sports success, but recalling how good that first win felt, and how it made me want to continue.

Tears of joy, when something just goes so superbly right that the very thing you were ready to quit on, you decide to keep going.  Who knows why.  A dream perhaps?  Just an ah-ha moment?  Or that small dose of something coming from somewhere that reminds you why you started this in the first place. 

Here's hoping for more tears of joy in one's life.  Certainly we have enough of the other kind.

Blessings,
Ed

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Reflections for 6/21/11

"But it happened-this glimpse of something dimly seen, dimly heard, this sense of something deeply hidden."(F.Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 164)

On Sunday I drove my son Peter up to stay with my parents in Copake Falls NY.  I really do love it up there, not just because my parents are there , but because of the quiet and the beauty of the place.  I love just walking in the woods, and listening. No noise other than the birds, the babbling of the brook and the wind sometimes whipping through the trees.

I also know that my favorite time of day is the morning for much of the same reason, it is quiet, there is time to think, to meditate and just be still.

And it is in those moments of solitude, that I do occasionally catch a glimpse of something, hear a faint sound and begin to dive deeply into the meaning of life, my relationship with God, and my relationship to others.

I hope to retire to Copake Falls, though there are a lot of variables outside of my control. To walk the woods in my retirement, maybe with an old dog.  Then to remember and to continue to catch a glimpse, to hear the sound of silence, and to sense God's presence even more deeply than normal.

Blessings,
Ed