Reflections for 10/11/11

"Games where the players create the illusion of being in the same room but where the reality of it is that each is alone inside a skin in that room, like bathyspehers at the bottom of the sea. Blind man's buff games where everyone is blind."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 272)

One of the hardest things of being a priest or for that matter being a friend is to be present with someone who is ill, dying or going through a crisis.  You're never fully sure what to say.  You know you're not comfortable and yet it is the place you somehow have found yourself, or you realize you need to be.

Part of the problem is of course knowing how to deal with crisis, especially other people's.  Do I just let them vent, do I try to offer help or helpful advice.  I usually start by being quietly present, first to allow the other space to talk about what they need to talk about.  Second is to get my self centered to be able to deal constructively with that person.

I think another issue of course is seeing our own vulnerability in that moment.  That other person could very well be us at some point. What would we do if the roles were reversed?  We don't really want to spend much time contemplating or own mortality or our own fragility.

And the last part is that feeling of being useless right then and there.  Because we live in a solutions oriented world and self-help books and groups are everywhere, we have almost forgotten how to just be present with others.  If I can't help you, what good am I?  If there is nothing I can do, why am I here?  Valid questions no doubt, but perhaps not the right ones.

Blessings,
Ed