"Dying and dissolution continue to strike fear in me. Death itself does not. Ten years ago if somebody had offered me a vigorous, healthy life that would never end, I would have said yes. Today I think I would say no. I love my life as much as I ever did and will cling on to it for as long as I can, but life without death has become as unthinkable to me as day without night or waking without sleep."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life." p. 172)
I'm not afraid of death either. And while I'm not death defying by any stretch, I do believe in living life fully. I too would reject never ending life on earth, unless you could guarantee the same for everyone and not bring anymore people in. And that is ridiculous.
I certainly have enough experience being with dying folks to not let it destroy me. I'm not saying that it is easy to be present in that moment, but it comes with the territory.
When I think of retirement I sometimes dream of going to the local animal shelter and saying I'd like the large old dog that has a few good years in them, that no one else seems to want. Take em for walks, have them sit with me while I read or watch a ball game and let them die happy and loved.
And maybe that's my hope for myself as well. Enjoy life for as long as I have it, and when I die let me be happy and loved.
Blessings,
Ed
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Reflections for 6/29/11
"It is impossible for me to believe that the words even of scientific genius can say all there is to say about the origin of the universe as it is impossible for me to believe that the words even of Sophocles or Shakespeare can say all there is to say about human tragedy or the words even of Jesus Christ can say ll there is to say about
God and about our lives under God."(F Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 171)
"Is that your final answer?" The catch phrase of Regis Philbin on the show who wants to be a millionaire. He of course is trying to make the contestant squirm, and to perhaps second guess themselves and create a little drama on what is mostly an easy multiple choice game.
As is the case with any test, a final answer ultimately has to be given. But there are things in life that aren't about final answers. There are unfolding mysteries. And as the saying goes, just when you think you have all the answers, we change the questions.
I even know as a parent that my answers aren't always final. I try to at least start with a let me think about it. Which does not bind me one way or the other right then and there.
But many academic disciplines look for final answers. Whether it be the hard sciences or the social sciences, each new discovery or though attempts to stake some claim to being the final answer and yet somewhere down the road some new discovery or insight, brings the next final answer.
I don't particularly like final answers. I find them to binding. I like to live in a world of incompleteness where there are still mysteries to solve, still thoughts to be thought, still relationships to be forged. I hope I never lose such a curiosity. I might be so crazy as to suggest that when I have all the answers, either God or I am dead.
Blessings,
Ed
God and about our lives under God."(F Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 171)
"Is that your final answer?" The catch phrase of Regis Philbin on the show who wants to be a millionaire. He of course is trying to make the contestant squirm, and to perhaps second guess themselves and create a little drama on what is mostly an easy multiple choice game.
As is the case with any test, a final answer ultimately has to be given. But there are things in life that aren't about final answers. There are unfolding mysteries. And as the saying goes, just when you think you have all the answers, we change the questions.
I even know as a parent that my answers aren't always final. I try to at least start with a let me think about it. Which does not bind me one way or the other right then and there.
But many academic disciplines look for final answers. Whether it be the hard sciences or the social sciences, each new discovery or though attempts to stake some claim to being the final answer and yet somewhere down the road some new discovery or insight, brings the next final answer.
I don't particularly like final answers. I find them to binding. I like to live in a world of incompleteness where there are still mysteries to solve, still thoughts to be thought, still relationships to be forged. I hope I never lose such a curiosity. I might be so crazy as to suggest that when I have all the answers, either God or I am dead.
Blessings,
Ed
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Reflections for 6/28/11
"That, I suppose, is the final mystery as well as the final power of words: that not even across great distances of time and space do they ever lose their capacity for becoming incarnate. Adn when these words tell of virtue and nolity, when they move us closer to that truth and gentleness of spirit by which we become fully human, the readeing of them is sacramental."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 170-171)
Summer always seems to make people think about reading. Perhaps its visions of more free time, though I'm not sure that is actually true for most people. I know that if my vacations were sitting at the beach or lake front, I'd probably do more pleasure reading. I say this because I know at one time I was a voracious reader.
I haven't stopped reading, but will admit that the ratio of reading to tv watching is out of whack at the moment. I also know that I'd weigh a lot less if I'd change that ratio. Very hard to read a book and stuff your face at the same time.
What I recall loving most about reading was discovering insights into myself. Or perhaps putting me in the place of one of the characters. One of my favorite childhood books was My Side of the Mountain and I do recall dreaming of being that person. I identify very much with Gandolf from the Lord of the Rings Trilogy.
Of course as a Christian, I find my self and my experiences of living in this world in the Bible. That's why it still speaks to me, because I'm in there. The good, the bad and the ugly of me.
For something to be sacramental it is supposed to be an outward and visible sign of an inward and spiritual grace, and I can see how books can be that. Certainly they are outward and visible signs and the the places we find connection to ourselves the inward part comes into focus.
I don't know if I'll read much on my vacation this year. Too much baseball and driving. But I might try very hard to get back into the habit of reading for the sheer joy of it.
Blessings,
Ed
Summer always seems to make people think about reading. Perhaps its visions of more free time, though I'm not sure that is actually true for most people. I know that if my vacations were sitting at the beach or lake front, I'd probably do more pleasure reading. I say this because I know at one time I was a voracious reader.
I haven't stopped reading, but will admit that the ratio of reading to tv watching is out of whack at the moment. I also know that I'd weigh a lot less if I'd change that ratio. Very hard to read a book and stuff your face at the same time.
What I recall loving most about reading was discovering insights into myself. Or perhaps putting me in the place of one of the characters. One of my favorite childhood books was My Side of the Mountain and I do recall dreaming of being that person. I identify very much with Gandolf from the Lord of the Rings Trilogy.
Of course as a Christian, I find my self and my experiences of living in this world in the Bible. That's why it still speaks to me, because I'm in there. The good, the bad and the ugly of me.
For something to be sacramental it is supposed to be an outward and visible sign of an inward and spiritual grace, and I can see how books can be that. Certainly they are outward and visible signs and the the places we find connection to ourselves the inward part comes into focus.
I don't know if I'll read much on my vacation this year. Too much baseball and driving. But I might try very hard to get back into the habit of reading for the sheer joy of it.
Blessings,
Ed
Monday, June 27, 2011
Reflections for 6/27/11
"There is very little religion in Shakespeare, but when he is greatest, he is most religious."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 169)
I certainly have read plenty of Shakespeare in my life. From British Lit. at MHS, to a whole semester at Grinnell College. Of course it was probably ruined for me because I had to write a paper on whichever play it was we were reading. I should probably go back and just read them for pleasure, knowing there's no test or paper to write. Would I see religious themes in the writings now? Who knows. I certainly think of the soliloquy in MacBeth, life is but a fleeting shadow, a tale told by an idiot full of sound and fury signifying nothing, and I hear echoes of St. Paul. Our Puck with "Lord What fools these mortals be."
Shakespeare would not be the only author I'd love to go back and read now that I could just read. How much more might I see in some of the other authors I read in high school and college? I know that reading the Chronicles of Narnia and the Harry Potter Books through the lenses of my vocation, I see very familiar themes. The end of the Deadly Hallows is almost blatantly Passion/Easter narrative.
So what would you love to read again if you knew you could just read it? What in your current life experience might reveal some new insight that you hadn't seen before?
Blessings,
Ed
I certainly have read plenty of Shakespeare in my life. From British Lit. at MHS, to a whole semester at Grinnell College. Of course it was probably ruined for me because I had to write a paper on whichever play it was we were reading. I should probably go back and just read them for pleasure, knowing there's no test or paper to write. Would I see religious themes in the writings now? Who knows. I certainly think of the soliloquy in MacBeth, life is but a fleeting shadow, a tale told by an idiot full of sound and fury signifying nothing, and I hear echoes of St. Paul. Our Puck with "Lord What fools these mortals be."
Shakespeare would not be the only author I'd love to go back and read now that I could just read. How much more might I see in some of the other authors I read in high school and college? I know that reading the Chronicles of Narnia and the Harry Potter Books through the lenses of my vocation, I see very familiar themes. The end of the Deadly Hallows is almost blatantly Passion/Easter narrative.
So what would you love to read again if you knew you could just read it? What in your current life experience might reveal some new insight that you hadn't seen before?
Blessings,
Ed
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Reflections for 6/26/11
"To go on as though something has happened, even though we are not sure what it was or just where we are supposed to go with it, is to enter the dimension of life that religion is a word for."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 169)
I am sure there have been times in my life when I've experienced something or made a choice to do something and have no rational reason for doing it. I don't mean that in some fool hardy or dangerous way. But at a moment when I chose to take a direction that isn't clear to me where it will lead or why it is the right thing to do. I just know it to be right.
And when I reflect on the Elijah passage where he senses the presence of God not in earthquakes, wind, or fire, but in sheer silence. Something that makes no sense but he comes out of the cave anyway, right then.
In a world where we feel that we constantly have to justify or choices, weigh every pro and con, look to make sure we considered every possible outcome, we may miss the real opportunity to live fully into our lives. We may also miss out on encounters with God.
Often what we are looking for isn't as clear as it first seems. Usually below the surface of what we articulate lies the real heart of what we long for and really need.
Blessings,
Ed
I am sure there have been times in my life when I've experienced something or made a choice to do something and have no rational reason for doing it. I don't mean that in some fool hardy or dangerous way. But at a moment when I chose to take a direction that isn't clear to me where it will lead or why it is the right thing to do. I just know it to be right.
And when I reflect on the Elijah passage where he senses the presence of God not in earthquakes, wind, or fire, but in sheer silence. Something that makes no sense but he comes out of the cave anyway, right then.
In a world where we feel that we constantly have to justify or choices, weigh every pro and con, look to make sure we considered every possible outcome, we may miss the real opportunity to live fully into our lives. We may also miss out on encounters with God.
Often what we are looking for isn't as clear as it first seems. Usually below the surface of what we articulate lies the real heart of what we long for and really need.
Blessings,
Ed
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Reflections for 6/25/11
"There is a game we play sometimes. If we could somehow meet one of the great ones of history, which one would we choose?"(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 167)
I certainly have played that game, though I think it usually was played more in the writing of a paper or answering an interview question. I suppose the first choice would be obvious given my vocation, Jesus of Nazereth. Next I'd take Paul of Tarsus. Both I'd like to hear directly what they meant. I'd ask them what they thought of my world.
Because my interests vary I would have someone in almost any field of study or era. The history major in me would actually rather go back in time to observe events rather than interview individuals. My hunch is that most of the great ones in history would be no better at articulating their real thoughts, motives etc. than our current important people are. Imagine the great ones being interviewed by Jon Stewart or Bill O'Reilly to name two who people take seriously.
So who would you choose? What would you ask? It is a fun game to play. Here's another if someone in the future decided to come back and talk to you, what would you have to say?
Blessings,
Ed
I certainly have played that game, though I think it usually was played more in the writing of a paper or answering an interview question. I suppose the first choice would be obvious given my vocation, Jesus of Nazereth. Next I'd take Paul of Tarsus. Both I'd like to hear directly what they meant. I'd ask them what they thought of my world.
Because my interests vary I would have someone in almost any field of study or era. The history major in me would actually rather go back in time to observe events rather than interview individuals. My hunch is that most of the great ones in history would be no better at articulating their real thoughts, motives etc. than our current important people are. Imagine the great ones being interviewed by Jon Stewart or Bill O'Reilly to name two who people take seriously.
So who would you choose? What would you ask? It is a fun game to play. Here's another if someone in the future decided to come back and talk to you, what would you have to say?
Blessings,
Ed
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Reflections for 6/23/11
"To read the story of our immigrant forebears as it is summarized on the base of the old statue is to read our own story, and maybe it is only when we see that it is our own story that we can really understand either it or ourselves."(F.Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 166)
The summer before my senior year of high school I went to American Legion Boys State. It was basically a conference about civics and was in many ways a great experience. One goofier moment that I recall was waiting for a film to start and they were having technical difficulties. For some reason someone shouted "I'm an Italian-American." This was followed by a multitude of other hyphenated Americans, until I finally shouted "I'm a WASP." To which everyone laughed.
The truth is that I don't have a fabulous immigrant story. No love for some other country that I've never visited let alone lived in. I'm not even an American mutt. My ancestors have been in this country since the 18th century.
When I visited Ellis Island, as a history major, I found the place fascinating. So many stories. And then I thought about the history of each of those waves of immigrants. Each one seen as lower forms of life by the established population. And yet in time each of those nationalities becoming "American" eventually. With all the rights and privileges and all the heartbreak and headache that come with it.
And I believe it is those foreigners in our midst that continue to make the fabric of our nation so wonderful. And while I love being who I am in that context, I learn much from my encounters with the non-WASPS. And as a Christian, I share in the hope of another promised land.
Blessings,
Ed
The summer before my senior year of high school I went to American Legion Boys State. It was basically a conference about civics and was in many ways a great experience. One goofier moment that I recall was waiting for a film to start and they were having technical difficulties. For some reason someone shouted "I'm an Italian-American." This was followed by a multitude of other hyphenated Americans, until I finally shouted "I'm a WASP." To which everyone laughed.
The truth is that I don't have a fabulous immigrant story. No love for some other country that I've never visited let alone lived in. I'm not even an American mutt. My ancestors have been in this country since the 18th century.
When I visited Ellis Island, as a history major, I found the place fascinating. So many stories. And then I thought about the history of each of those waves of immigrants. Each one seen as lower forms of life by the established population. And yet in time each of those nationalities becoming "American" eventually. With all the rights and privileges and all the heartbreak and headache that come with it.
And I believe it is those foreigners in our midst that continue to make the fabric of our nation so wonderful. And while I love being who I am in that context, I learn much from my encounters with the non-WASPS. And as a Christian, I share in the hope of another promised land.
Blessings,
Ed
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Reflections for 6/22/11
"He hears inside himself the words, 'Water the earth with the tears of your joy and love those tears' and suddenly he gets down on all fours and kisses the earth with his lips, and when he gets up, he's no longer a teary wreck of a boy but a 'champion,' Dostoevsky writes-some kind of crazy champion and hero."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 165)
Buechner's reflection is on a scene from the Brothers Karamazov. I may have read the book in my high school World Literature Class at Metuchen High School, I just don't remember. But I can picture the scene. The character awakes from a dream that he has at a funeral and runs out of that place filled with joy because of the dream, and moves away from his grief and disappointment to a different way of being.
Tears of joy. I think the last time I shed those was when my son won his first varsity wrestling match. I hope I was just happy for him. Somehow I'm sure there was that part of me that was reliving my lack of sports success, but recalling how good that first win felt, and how it made me want to continue.
Tears of joy, when something just goes so superbly right that the very thing you were ready to quit on, you decide to keep going. Who knows why. A dream perhaps? Just an ah-ha moment? Or that small dose of something coming from somewhere that reminds you why you started this in the first place.
Here's hoping for more tears of joy in one's life. Certainly we have enough of the other kind.
Blessings,
Ed
Buechner's reflection is on a scene from the Brothers Karamazov. I may have read the book in my high school World Literature Class at Metuchen High School, I just don't remember. But I can picture the scene. The character awakes from a dream that he has at a funeral and runs out of that place filled with joy because of the dream, and moves away from his grief and disappointment to a different way of being.
Tears of joy. I think the last time I shed those was when my son won his first varsity wrestling match. I hope I was just happy for him. Somehow I'm sure there was that part of me that was reliving my lack of sports success, but recalling how good that first win felt, and how it made me want to continue.
Tears of joy, when something just goes so superbly right that the very thing you were ready to quit on, you decide to keep going. Who knows why. A dream perhaps? Just an ah-ha moment? Or that small dose of something coming from somewhere that reminds you why you started this in the first place.
Here's hoping for more tears of joy in one's life. Certainly we have enough of the other kind.
Blessings,
Ed
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Reflections for 6/21/11
"But it happened-this glimpse of something dimly seen, dimly heard, this sense of something deeply hidden."(F.Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 164)
On Sunday I drove my son Peter up to stay with my parents in Copake Falls NY. I really do love it up there, not just because my parents are there , but because of the quiet and the beauty of the place. I love just walking in the woods, and listening. No noise other than the birds, the babbling of the brook and the wind sometimes whipping through the trees.
I also know that my favorite time of day is the morning for much of the same reason, it is quiet, there is time to think, to meditate and just be still.
And it is in those moments of solitude, that I do occasionally catch a glimpse of something, hear a faint sound and begin to dive deeply into the meaning of life, my relationship with God, and my relationship to others.
I hope to retire to Copake Falls, though there are a lot of variables outside of my control. To walk the woods in my retirement, maybe with an old dog. Then to remember and to continue to catch a glimpse, to hear the sound of silence, and to sense God's presence even more deeply than normal.
Blessings,
Ed
On Sunday I drove my son Peter up to stay with my parents in Copake Falls NY. I really do love it up there, not just because my parents are there , but because of the quiet and the beauty of the place. I love just walking in the woods, and listening. No noise other than the birds, the babbling of the brook and the wind sometimes whipping through the trees.
I also know that my favorite time of day is the morning for much of the same reason, it is quiet, there is time to think, to meditate and just be still.
And it is in those moments of solitude, that I do occasionally catch a glimpse of something, hear a faint sound and begin to dive deeply into the meaning of life, my relationship with God, and my relationship to others.
I hope to retire to Copake Falls, though there are a lot of variables outside of my control. To walk the woods in my retirement, maybe with an old dog. Then to remember and to continue to catch a glimpse, to hear the sound of silence, and to sense God's presence even more deeply than normal.
Blessings,
Ed
Monday, June 20, 2011
Reflections for 6/20/11
"The Bible is usually very universal and makes you want to see something-some image to imagine it by."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p.163)
Whenever I read a book for pleasure, I often can create a mental image of what the setting looks like, what the characters look like etc. Especially if the author is good. I usually like to read a book before seeing a movie adaptation of it, so as not to spoil the mental picture.
I think the creators of the Harry Potter movies really did a great job of creating images. As did the Lord of the Rings trilogy and the Chronicles of Narnia. I'm sure there are others as well.
The Bible is a different beast of course, because it is not seen as fiction. It is also true that our 21st century imaging has been tainted by Children's Bibles and Renaissance Art.
But I do still like to attempt to picture the biblical scenes. Put myself in the crowd if you will. It makes the words on the page come to life for me as I attempt to incorporate them into my life.
While I don't see God as an old white man with a long beard, nor do I see an Anglo-Saxon Jesus, I have had some wonderful images of the biblical characters and can picture some of the great events, and even some that aren't as well known.
It works for me because faith needs all the senses working together to create that deeper relationship.
Blessings,
Ed
Whenever I read a book for pleasure, I often can create a mental image of what the setting looks like, what the characters look like etc. Especially if the author is good. I usually like to read a book before seeing a movie adaptation of it, so as not to spoil the mental picture.
I think the creators of the Harry Potter movies really did a great job of creating images. As did the Lord of the Rings trilogy and the Chronicles of Narnia. I'm sure there are others as well.
The Bible is a different beast of course, because it is not seen as fiction. It is also true that our 21st century imaging has been tainted by Children's Bibles and Renaissance Art.
But I do still like to attempt to picture the biblical scenes. Put myself in the crowd if you will. It makes the words on the page come to life for me as I attempt to incorporate them into my life.
While I don't see God as an old white man with a long beard, nor do I see an Anglo-Saxon Jesus, I have had some wonderful images of the biblical characters and can picture some of the great events, and even some that aren't as well known.
It works for me because faith needs all the senses working together to create that deeper relationship.
Blessings,
Ed
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Reflections for 6/19/11
"The final secret I think, is this; that the words 'You shall love the Lord your God,' become in the end less a command than a promise."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 162)
The greatest commandment according to Jesus. I've never been good with commandments. I certainly will take instruction, but tell me what I have to do, and the little rebel in me wants to play. Though in all honesty he rarely gets those chances.
I've never thought about the commandments being more promise than commandment. Yet instinctively none of the 10 are on my radar screen to break. I won't do those things I'm commanded not to do, not out of fear of punishment, but because out of love I can't nor do I want to.
All of the temptations to go against them exist in our world. Yet somehow out of that first promise, that I'll love God, because God first loved me, everything else seems to flow. I can and want to love God, because even in my worst moments, God is there. Not with a smack to the head, but with a more of a "come on, let's try that again, differently this time."
Blessings,
Ed
The greatest commandment according to Jesus. I've never been good with commandments. I certainly will take instruction, but tell me what I have to do, and the little rebel in me wants to play. Though in all honesty he rarely gets those chances.
I've never thought about the commandments being more promise than commandment. Yet instinctively none of the 10 are on my radar screen to break. I won't do those things I'm commanded not to do, not out of fear of punishment, but because out of love I can't nor do I want to.
All of the temptations to go against them exist in our world. Yet somehow out of that first promise, that I'll love God, because God first loved me, everything else seems to flow. I can and want to love God, because even in my worst moments, God is there. Not with a smack to the head, but with a more of a "come on, let's try that again, differently this time."
Blessings,
Ed
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Reflections for 6/16/11
"The story of Christ is where we all started from, though we've come so far since then that there are times when you'd hardly know it to listen to us and when we hardly know it ourselves...the story of Jesus, where we all started, is like being suddenly called by your childhood name when you've all but forgotten your childhood name and maybe your childhood too."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 160-61)
If you grew up in a faith community, mine happens to be Christian, then there is undoubtedly parts of your faith experience that our foundational.
I suppose for most Christians it is the old kids song "Jesus Loves Me this I know." I think St. Paul would call it in his writings spiritual milk. It is certainly a good starting off point. The longer we stay engaged with our faith the more we build upon those original foundations.
Yet sometimes with all the other experiences in life and the further knowledge we get about faith and other matters that foundation can get forgotten. Much like that name we had as a kid.
As far as I can remember I've always been Ed. Never Eddie. Edmund, my given name, is rarely used. And those who try to get formal often call me something else.
I wonder if because I've never lost sight of that foundational piece of my faith that the name I'm still called, by those who know me well, walks hand in hand with my relationship with Christ. I do think I've gone beyond milk, but I still love a cold glass of it, have it daily with my cereal and enjoy dairy products. I'm glad I haven't become lactose intolerant spiritually either. To know that I am beloved by God and others is quite nourishing indeed.
Blessings,
Ed
If you grew up in a faith community, mine happens to be Christian, then there is undoubtedly parts of your faith experience that our foundational.
I suppose for most Christians it is the old kids song "Jesus Loves Me this I know." I think St. Paul would call it in his writings spiritual milk. It is certainly a good starting off point. The longer we stay engaged with our faith the more we build upon those original foundations.
Yet sometimes with all the other experiences in life and the further knowledge we get about faith and other matters that foundation can get forgotten. Much like that name we had as a kid.
As far as I can remember I've always been Ed. Never Eddie. Edmund, my given name, is rarely used. And those who try to get formal often call me something else.
I wonder if because I've never lost sight of that foundational piece of my faith that the name I'm still called, by those who know me well, walks hand in hand with my relationship with Christ. I do think I've gone beyond milk, but I still love a cold glass of it, have it daily with my cereal and enjoy dairy products. I'm glad I haven't become lactose intolerant spiritually either. To know that I am beloved by God and others is quite nourishing indeed.
Blessings,
Ed
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Reflections for 6/15/11
"If the idea of God as both Three and One seems far -fetched and obfuscating, look in the mirror someday.
There is (a) the interior life known only to yourself and those you choose to communicate it to (the Father). there is (b) the visible face which in some measure reflects that inner life (the Son). And there is (c) the invisible power you have in order to communicate that interior life in such a way that others do not merely know about it, but know it in the sense of its becoming part of who they are (the Holy Spirit). Yet what you are looking at in the mirror is clearly and indivisibly the one and only you."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 160)
Ah the doctrine of the Trinity. It will be preached about or avoided by many this coming Sunday. Many have attempted to describe it. St. Patrick said it was like a three leaf clover. Others shrug their shoulders and say that its a mystery. And of course the belief system of the Christian Faith is engulfed in it. If you read the Koran you'll find that Mohamed thought that the Doctrine embraced polytheism.
I've never seen the Trinity described in the way Buechner does, but it rings true for me. Certainly when I look in the mirror, I do a lot of interior work. What am I feeling inside, who is that man behind the mask really. I can look at the face and once the narcissism subsides have a decent idea of what I look like. And certainly there are ways that the exterior and the interior Ed interact with others that is also there.
While I'm not certain that Buechner's description makes the Doctrine any clearer than an ancient creedal statement. It at least is an entrance point that I can relate to and can work out my own description and see if that makes any sense.
Blessings,
Ed
There is (a) the interior life known only to yourself and those you choose to communicate it to (the Father). there is (b) the visible face which in some measure reflects that inner life (the Son). And there is (c) the invisible power you have in order to communicate that interior life in such a way that others do not merely know about it, but know it in the sense of its becoming part of who they are (the Holy Spirit). Yet what you are looking at in the mirror is clearly and indivisibly the one and only you."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 160)
Ah the doctrine of the Trinity. It will be preached about or avoided by many this coming Sunday. Many have attempted to describe it. St. Patrick said it was like a three leaf clover. Others shrug their shoulders and say that its a mystery. And of course the belief system of the Christian Faith is engulfed in it. If you read the Koran you'll find that Mohamed thought that the Doctrine embraced polytheism.
I've never seen the Trinity described in the way Buechner does, but it rings true for me. Certainly when I look in the mirror, I do a lot of interior work. What am I feeling inside, who is that man behind the mask really. I can look at the face and once the narcissism subsides have a decent idea of what I look like. And certainly there are ways that the exterior and the interior Ed interact with others that is also there.
While I'm not certain that Buechner's description makes the Doctrine any clearer than an ancient creedal statement. It at least is an entrance point that I can relate to and can work out my own description and see if that makes any sense.
Blessings,
Ed
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Reflections for 6/12/11
"Finally this. If you look at a window you see fly specks, dust, the crack where Junior's Frisbee hit it. I f you look through a window you see the world beyond. Something like this is the difference between those who see the Bible as a Holy bore and those who see it as the Word of God which speaks out of the depths of an almost unimaginable past into the depths of ourselves."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life." p.159)
I read the Bible on a daily basis. Granted it is because I'm saying Morning Prayer and there are always two readings and a psalm. Also someone else chose what I'd read. There were at least two years where I read all of the Bible. Didn't skip a chapter or a verse. I also didn't begin at Genesis 1 and try to get to the end of Revelation either. I had a guide that broke readings down into manageable chunks and gave variety.
When I read the Bible I usually am attentive to four things. First is there something that confirms what I believe. Second is there something that challenges what I believe. Third is there something that just makes me laugh. And finally are there verses to memorize because they'll be helpful when debating a fellow believer who doesn't agree with me.
Sometimes when we focus on something so intently we will see only the defects and imperfections, that "looking at" that Buechner writes about. When I see through I'm more attentive to the much deeper and more subtle messages of life. I often do get the subtext of what's actually going on.
I do think it is important for those of us who profess faith in the Judeo-Christian God to be reasonably familiar with the Bible. As a reminder though, we worship the God of whom it speaks, not the book itself.
Blessings,
Ed
I read the Bible on a daily basis. Granted it is because I'm saying Morning Prayer and there are always two readings and a psalm. Also someone else chose what I'd read. There were at least two years where I read all of the Bible. Didn't skip a chapter or a verse. I also didn't begin at Genesis 1 and try to get to the end of Revelation either. I had a guide that broke readings down into manageable chunks and gave variety.
When I read the Bible I usually am attentive to four things. First is there something that confirms what I believe. Second is there something that challenges what I believe. Third is there something that just makes me laugh. And finally are there verses to memorize because they'll be helpful when debating a fellow believer who doesn't agree with me.
Sometimes when we focus on something so intently we will see only the defects and imperfections, that "looking at" that Buechner writes about. When I see through I'm more attentive to the much deeper and more subtle messages of life. I often do get the subtext of what's actually going on.
I do think it is important for those of us who profess faith in the Judeo-Christian God to be reasonably familiar with the Bible. As a reminder though, we worship the God of whom it speaks, not the book itself.
Blessings,
Ed
Monday, June 13, 2011
Reflections for 6/13/11
"This church. The church on the other side of town, the other side of the world. All churches everywhere. The day will come when they will lie in ruins, every last one of them."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life." p. 156)
While this is a tad on the apocalyptic, the reality is that many churches do close. I don't believe mine is in any danger at the moment, but I do know that there are faith communities that are barely surviving.
There are a host of reasons for this. Demographics change. The church was operating independently and once the charismatic leader left, there was no one to replace them. Some get so small that they cannot stay open do to financial constraints.
No matter what the reason, the closing of a church is always painful. For those who called that place their faith home, many moments of their life resided in that building. And when it is gone a piece of themselves goes with it.
We are told not to put to much attachment into a building, but that's easier said than done. And it goes beyond churches. Schools may have the same emotional attachment. Homes that we grew up in. Whenever any place that we have memories of or in ceases to be, it hurts.
The best thing we can hope for is to remember the good times in those places that may no longer exist.
You know, I even find it a challenge when the place still exists but has changed from what I remember.
Blessings,
Ed
While this is a tad on the apocalyptic, the reality is that many churches do close. I don't believe mine is in any danger at the moment, but I do know that there are faith communities that are barely surviving.
There are a host of reasons for this. Demographics change. The church was operating independently and once the charismatic leader left, there was no one to replace them. Some get so small that they cannot stay open do to financial constraints.
No matter what the reason, the closing of a church is always painful. For those who called that place their faith home, many moments of their life resided in that building. And when it is gone a piece of themselves goes with it.
We are told not to put to much attachment into a building, but that's easier said than done. And it goes beyond churches. Schools may have the same emotional attachment. Homes that we grew up in. Whenever any place that we have memories of or in ceases to be, it hurts.
The best thing we can hope for is to remember the good times in those places that may no longer exist.
You know, I even find it a challenge when the place still exists but has changed from what I remember.
Blessings,
Ed
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Reflections for 6/12/11
"Moments continue to go up in flames like the bush in Midian to illumine, if only for a moment, a path that stretches before us like no other path. And such moments call out in a voice which, if we only had courage and heart enough, we would follow to the end of time."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life." p. 156)
I'm always impressed by folks who know exactly what they want out of life. Who feel fairly certain of the path they are on. Of course I've also seen the bottom fall out on some of them, and had to help them pick themselves up.
I'm not always certain of everything in life. There are times when I feel adrift. There are times when I'm not sure who I am or what I want to be when I grow up. Yet there are also those times when there is a flash of clarity and the way is obvious, and when I'm most attentive I notice it and follow before it recedes again.
Blessings,
Ed
I'm always impressed by folks who know exactly what they want out of life. Who feel fairly certain of the path they are on. Of course I've also seen the bottom fall out on some of them, and had to help them pick themselves up.
I'm not always certain of everything in life. There are times when I feel adrift. There are times when I'm not sure who I am or what I want to be when I grow up. Yet there are also those times when there is a flash of clarity and the way is obvious, and when I'm most attentive I notice it and follow before it recedes again.
Blessings,
Ed
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Reflections for 6/11/11
"What I means is that if we come to a church right, we come to it more fully and nakedly ourselves, come with mere of our humanness showing, then we are apt to come to most places." (F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life." p.154-155)
I've never really considered what would be a wrong way to come to church. I'm sure drunk or high would probably qualify. Coming with no clothes on, probably not a good idea either.
I do think that some of the reasons people stay away are the very reasons to come. I have doubts. Doesn't everybody? I'm not comfortable dressing up. Good thing God doesn't care about what you're wearing as long as you've got clothes on. My life is a wreck. What a great place to heal.
I'm glad to be part of a church that can let people be who they are. I wish more people would understand that such places exist.
I've been blessed to be a part of faith communities where I didn't have to pretend to be something I'm not. Where I was allowed to discover fully who I am without having to hide.
Not every faith community will do that. The ones that do in my opinion have it right.
Blessings,
Ed
I've never really considered what would be a wrong way to come to church. I'm sure drunk or high would probably qualify. Coming with no clothes on, probably not a good idea either.
I do think that some of the reasons people stay away are the very reasons to come. I have doubts. Doesn't everybody? I'm not comfortable dressing up. Good thing God doesn't care about what you're wearing as long as you've got clothes on. My life is a wreck. What a great place to heal.
I'm glad to be part of a church that can let people be who they are. I wish more people would understand that such places exist.
I've been blessed to be a part of faith communities where I didn't have to pretend to be something I'm not. Where I was allowed to discover fully who I am without having to hide.
Not every faith community will do that. The ones that do in my opinion have it right.
Blessings,
Ed
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Reflections for 6/9/11
"Speak what we feel not what ought to say." (F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 153)
Yesterday I ran across a quote from Joan Rivers, "My success has been in saying what everyone else is thinking." I believe that I have been told that about myself. Of course it is usually followed up by but we're not dumb enough to say it.
Sometimes I can be very vocal about what I feel. That honesty can be refreshing at times. It can also come across as tactless and can often get me in trouble.
I definitely do better when I've taken the time to think out my responses. Yes sometimes my "quick whit" is quite timely. Then again it may also be tiresome to those who have to hear it.
What I feel and what I ought to say, sometimes are right in sync. That's usually when my best advice comes out. When what I ought to say is said, but does not really reflect how I feel, I"m lying. And when I'm feeling something but refrain from articulating it because I ought not to say it because it really won't help, I'm probably being very wise.
Blessings,
Ed
Yesterday I ran across a quote from Joan Rivers, "My success has been in saying what everyone else is thinking." I believe that I have been told that about myself. Of course it is usually followed up by but we're not dumb enough to say it.
Sometimes I can be very vocal about what I feel. That honesty can be refreshing at times. It can also come across as tactless and can often get me in trouble.
I definitely do better when I've taken the time to think out my responses. Yes sometimes my "quick whit" is quite timely. Then again it may also be tiresome to those who have to hear it.
What I feel and what I ought to say, sometimes are right in sync. That's usually when my best advice comes out. When what I ought to say is said, but does not really reflect how I feel, I"m lying. And when I'm feeling something but refrain from articulating it because I ought not to say it because it really won't help, I'm probably being very wise.
Blessings,
Ed
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Reflections for 6/8/11
"Till his face goes grey waiting for what looks like it's never going to come...that's the face we all of us got when we're not doing anything special with our face."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p.152)
I must be getting nervous in my old age. I find that when I'm waiting for someone, wife or kids to come back from wherever they are that I start to think the worst. It's really silly to waste that much time worrying about something that probably isn't going to happen.
I also know that when we wait for something to arrive a letter, a phone call, perhaps about a job, or some medical update that the same level of stress enters. Of course the longer we wait and the longer nothing comes we soon loose interest in it, and then are overwhelmed with perhaps joy or sorrow depending on what comes.
I am sure one of the most frustrating parts of the Christian faith is the waiting for the return of Christ. Even though we're told we won't know, but be ready, it is easy to get that glazed over feeling, and perhaps even impatience.
There was a seen in a Bugs Bunny cartoon which parodied Robin Hood. A character kept coming in and saying "don't you worry never fear, Robin Hood will soon be here." Bugs replies finally, "yeah, yeah, you've been saying that through the whole show." Of course that's when Errol Flynn comes flying in and saying "Welcome to Sherwood."
I think the interminable waiting for the second coming begins to gnaw at folks and you suddenly get the Harold Camping types trying to make things happen. What I've decided is that while I don't know when, I'm going to attempt to be found doing what I'm supposed to be doing. And not be caught off guard. Sometimes folks stop moving while they are waiting. I prefer to keep in motion.
Blessings,
Ed
I must be getting nervous in my old age. I find that when I'm waiting for someone, wife or kids to come back from wherever they are that I start to think the worst. It's really silly to waste that much time worrying about something that probably isn't going to happen.
I also know that when we wait for something to arrive a letter, a phone call, perhaps about a job, or some medical update that the same level of stress enters. Of course the longer we wait and the longer nothing comes we soon loose interest in it, and then are overwhelmed with perhaps joy or sorrow depending on what comes.
I am sure one of the most frustrating parts of the Christian faith is the waiting for the return of Christ. Even though we're told we won't know, but be ready, it is easy to get that glazed over feeling, and perhaps even impatience.
There was a seen in a Bugs Bunny cartoon which parodied Robin Hood. A character kept coming in and saying "don't you worry never fear, Robin Hood will soon be here." Bugs replies finally, "yeah, yeah, you've been saying that through the whole show." Of course that's when Errol Flynn comes flying in and saying "Welcome to Sherwood."
I think the interminable waiting for the second coming begins to gnaw at folks and you suddenly get the Harold Camping types trying to make things happen. What I've decided is that while I don't know when, I'm going to attempt to be found doing what I'm supposed to be doing. And not be caught off guard. Sometimes folks stop moving while they are waiting. I prefer to keep in motion.
Blessings,
Ed
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Reflections for 6/7/11
"The Kingdom comes by looking for it. The Kingdom comes sometimes by not looking for it too hard. There's times the Kingdom comes by it looking for you." (F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 151)
Have you ever lost something and frantically looked for it? I know I have. I'll tear the place apart, my mind racing trying to remember where I last saw the object of my search. I'll admit this frantic looking rarely is successful. Usually I have to stop, breath, and think. This is sometimes successful. And certainly a lot less stressful. Rarely does the object find me.
This is also true of relationships. If you go searching for a person to share your life with, you might find them, use every medium known to mankind. There are times when relationships just happen, you weren't looking the person wasn't really looking and you meet. And of course there are the times when you are the one sought out.
Jobs also work that way. We can frantically search, send our resume to every opening under the sun. Sometimes we slow the pace down and the right job appears. And of course sometimes people actually get recruited.
God's kingdom works that way too. I can go constantly looking for it. Most likely my definition of what the kingdom is will get in my way. When I'm not constantly looking for it and just doing, the kingdom gets encountered because I haven't tried to define it. And then there's times when it just knocks on the door and screams here I am.
Blessings,
Ed
Have you ever lost something and frantically looked for it? I know I have. I'll tear the place apart, my mind racing trying to remember where I last saw the object of my search. I'll admit this frantic looking rarely is successful. Usually I have to stop, breath, and think. This is sometimes successful. And certainly a lot less stressful. Rarely does the object find me.
This is also true of relationships. If you go searching for a person to share your life with, you might find them, use every medium known to mankind. There are times when relationships just happen, you weren't looking the person wasn't really looking and you meet. And of course there are the times when you are the one sought out.
Jobs also work that way. We can frantically search, send our resume to every opening under the sun. Sometimes we slow the pace down and the right job appears. And of course sometimes people actually get recruited.
God's kingdom works that way too. I can go constantly looking for it. Most likely my definition of what the kingdom is will get in my way. When I'm not constantly looking for it and just doing, the kingdom gets encountered because I haven't tried to define it. And then there's times when it just knocks on the door and screams here I am.
Blessings,
Ed
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Reflections for 6/2/11
"We make our own way in the world, we fight our own battles, we are not looking for any handouts, we do not want something for nothing. It threatens our self-esteem, our self-reliance."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 143)
I love the myth of the self made man, the rugged individualism that makes our country "great." I call it a myth because in the real world, very few make their own way. Most people start with parents who create opportunities for us to grow. We have mentors and teachers along the way who give us knowledge and encouragement, and often clear debris from our path that we are too blind to see ourselves.
We usually don't fight battles alone. We seek advocates. Or at least an ear to bend. And we will come to the rescue of others or take up causes just because.
We may claim to not be looking for handouts, but we're always looking for that "deal." Or sometimes living by the motto if it's free it's for me. Of course the reality is that nothing is really free, but all of us look for some special treatment or favor at some point in our lives.
The truth actually is that we are all much more connected and dependent on others than we may care to admit. And that's not the end of the world as long as others can depend on us as well.
Blessings,
Ed
I love the myth of the self made man, the rugged individualism that makes our country "great." I call it a myth because in the real world, very few make their own way. Most people start with parents who create opportunities for us to grow. We have mentors and teachers along the way who give us knowledge and encouragement, and often clear debris from our path that we are too blind to see ourselves.
We usually don't fight battles alone. We seek advocates. Or at least an ear to bend. And we will come to the rescue of others or take up causes just because.
We may claim to not be looking for handouts, but we're always looking for that "deal." Or sometimes living by the motto if it's free it's for me. Of course the reality is that nothing is really free, but all of us look for some special treatment or favor at some point in our lives.
The truth actually is that we are all much more connected and dependent on others than we may care to admit. And that's not the end of the world as long as others can depend on us as well.
Blessings,
Ed
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Reflections for 6/1/11
"I sat by myself in the front pew feeling awkward and unreal."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 144)
18 years ago this month, though I'm not sure of the exact date, I was ordained a Deacon in the Episcopal Church. 6 month later I was ordained a priest. I certainly was sitting by myself that hot June day. Five other people were ordained with me. I don't remember any especially strange feelings. I'm sure I had some level of excitement. I know that I didn't feel different.
And that is where my story seems different. And that difference has often caused me angst. I know clergy who will talk eloquently and sincerely about how emotional the moment was for them. How they felt the "set apart." I just didn't. Maybe I was too young. No secular career vanquished to follow God's call. Just following for me.
I do love what I do. I can't imagine being anything else. Though honestly I've never really been anything else so how would I know. I wouldn't change a thing about the last 18 years. The awkwardness that I may still feel is just another part of me that has always been there. The being a priest, who happens to love baseball and rock and roll makes me real in an unreal way.
Blessings,
Ed
18 years ago this month, though I'm not sure of the exact date, I was ordained a Deacon in the Episcopal Church. 6 month later I was ordained a priest. I certainly was sitting by myself that hot June day. Five other people were ordained with me. I don't remember any especially strange feelings. I'm sure I had some level of excitement. I know that I didn't feel different.
And that is where my story seems different. And that difference has often caused me angst. I know clergy who will talk eloquently and sincerely about how emotional the moment was for them. How they felt the "set apart." I just didn't. Maybe I was too young. No secular career vanquished to follow God's call. Just following for me.
I do love what I do. I can't imagine being anything else. Though honestly I've never really been anything else so how would I know. I wouldn't change a thing about the last 18 years. The awkwardness that I may still feel is just another part of me that has always been there. The being a priest, who happens to love baseball and rock and roll makes me real in an unreal way.
Blessings,
Ed
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