Reflections for 6/1/11

"I sat by myself in the front pew feeling awkward and unreal."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 144)

18 years ago this month, though I'm not sure of the exact date, I was ordained a Deacon in the Episcopal Church. 6 month later I was ordained a priest.  I certainly was sitting by myself that hot June day. Five other people were ordained with me.  I don't remember any especially strange feelings.  I'm sure I had some level of excitement.  I know that I didn't feel different.

And that is where my story seems different. And that difference has often caused me angst.  I know clergy who will talk eloquently and sincerely about how emotional the moment was for them. How they felt the "set apart."  I just didn't.  Maybe I was too young. No secular career vanquished to follow God's call.  Just following for me.

I do love what I do.  I can't imagine being anything else.  Though honestly I've never really been anything else so how would I know.  I wouldn't change a thing about the last 18 years.  The awkwardness that I may still feel is just another part of me that has always been there. The being a priest, who happens to love baseball and rock and roll makes me real in an unreal way.

Blessings,
Ed