Reflections for 12/14/11

"I am my secrets. And you are your secrets. Our secrets are human secrets, and our trusting each other enough to share them with each other has much to do with the secret of what it is to be human."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life." p. 324)

What does that mean that I am my secrets?  My best guess is that the real us, is not usually what we actually present to the general public.  Perhaps to our closest friends we may confide these things, and to those in our family that we love dearly.  I know that I sometimes surprise people who don't know everything about me.  In some ways I'm a stereotypical priest, but there are aspects of me that do not fit neatly into the stereotype.

Why I think that our secrets and choosing to share them with others is ultimately about trust.  Trust is something I would rather give and certainly feel honored when people trust me that way.  Their is a sharing and a deeper relationship that way.

I also know that this is true about my relationship with God.  There is in the Book of Common Prayer what is known as the collect for purity.  In that prayer it is said that to God all hearts are open, all desires known and no secrets are hid.  I'm sure there is nothing about me that God doesn't know.  I'm sure there are things about me I wish God didn't know, but feel blessed that God has a sense of humor.

Blessings,
Ed

Reflections for 12/7/11

"My mother excoriated the ravages of old age but never accepted them as the inevitable consequence of getting old."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p.319)

While I haven't been around as long as Buechner's mother (apparently she pushed 100) I do know that there have been changes in me physically and emotionally that have much to do with age.

I'll be 46 next week, not old by any stretch, but older none the less.  I know that what my body looked like 25 years ago it no longer does.  Part of that is age and part of that is neglect.  I'm trying to see how much of it I can reasonably bring back, yet know that I will never be that lean mean rock and roll machine again.

I still like loud music, but I find my patience with the crowds it attracts diminishing.

I'm sure that in the remaining years of my life I will probably continue to lose some abilities and some things that I currently enjoy.  The question I have to wrestle with each day is how do I adapt to these changes, gracefully, or in some bizarre holding on.

I hope to live a long life.  But more importantly to me, I hope to live a full one.

Blessings,
Ed

Reflections for 12/6/11

"And because words are so much a part of what we keep the past alive by."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 319)

I have a pretty good memory.  Probably most people that I know I can recall something about, some shared experience.  I like to tell stories and certainly as a person of faith, words are an integral part of my life.

I wonder though if not talking about someone or something makes it go away?  Part of that feels like denial, in the case of something or some event.  Part of it is also just a fading do to time.  While I can claim to remember something about many people, that does not necessarily mean I can recall every person I've ever met, without someone naming them.

When we speak of or about people, places and things they remain alive if only in our memories.  When we stop talking about them, they may fade away, but I'm not convinced they completely go.

Blessings,
Ed