Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Reflection for 8/31/11

"In honesty you have to admit to a wise man that prayer is not for the wise, not for the prudent, not for the sophisticated. Instead it is for those who recognize that in face of their deepest needs, all their wisdom is quite helpless. It is for those who are willing to persist in doing something that is both childish and crucial."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 231)

I consider myself reasonably smart and prudent. Sophisticated, that's not a word that immediately comes to mind. I also know myself to be a person of prayer.  I believe prayer to be a conversation with God, a time where I am reminded of people that matter to me. The place I go when I need to sort things out.

I don't believe prayer to be about wish fulfillment.  I do believe that prayer is answered, even if I don't actually understand the answer, or it would not be the answer I expected.  I know that prayer is childish in that it involves a certain level of trust, and room for the unknown.  I know it to be crucial because when I'm not attentive to my prayer life, things have a habit of going askew.

I know prayer is not for everyone. There are people who have walked away from it because they have been disappointed by the lack of the outcome that they sought.  I also know some people who make absolute statements about prayer who have to do some real mental gymnastics to explain why prayer didn't work.

Blessings,
Ed

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Reflection for 8/30/11

"Unfortunately the only language people really understand is their own language, and unless preachers are prepared to translate the ancient verities into it, they might as well save their breath."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 230)

Now you're speaking my language, is a phrase which usually is meant to say, I like what you're saying, or I agree with you.  Occasionally it may also mean I understand what you're saying.  I know there are parts of life where English may in fact be spoken, but I am clueless as to what the person is trying to tell me.  Either the words are jargon laden and I'm not invested in what is being talked about or there are times when someone is trying to sound impressive but may in fact be covering up for the fact that they really have nothing to say.

Sometimes when I'm with brother and sister clergy, I wonder if I"m just the dumbest guy at the table. They use words that I'm sure at one time, probably seminary, I knew the meaning of, but I just don't care anymore.  I know I should but I don't.

I hope that for the most part, I convey my thoughts clearly, precisely and in a way that doesn't leave people wondering what I just said.

We're told English is a complicated language to learn.  Tough on immigrants and apparently tough on natives as well.  There is a beauty to it, and without language in our tongue, important ideas can be left in the mist.

Blessings,
Ed

Monday, August 29, 2011

Reflection for 8/29/11

"But notice this: that love is not really one of man's powers. Man cannot achieve love, generate love, wield love, as he does his powers of destruction and creation. When I love someone it is not something that I have achieved, but something that is happening through me, something that is happening to me as well as to him."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p.230)

Love is a word that often comes out of our mouths.  We tell people we are close to that we love them. I tell my wife this everyday.  I'm not as good at articulating it to my sons, but this may be a particular hick up in the life of the father-son relationship.  I know I love them, and would do anything for them, and try my best to make their lives enjoyable and create space for them to grow in.  I also tell my parents that I love them, which I do. 

I also know that love as word is something that can flow very casually as well, without much depth.  How many of us as teenagers told the current "flame" at the time that we loved them.  Perhaps we were parroting what we heard others say, but generally  I doubt that I really loved any of them.  I liked them well enough, but was still working out what it meant to really love some non-relative in that way.

The same can be said I think when we say we love God, or love Jesus.  What do we really mean by that?  Is it words we say because that's what we think we are supposed to say?  Is it like that teenage "love" where we use the word while working out what it really means to us?

The hope of course is that it becomes something much deeper, that manifests itself not only from our lips, but in our lives. Lip service to love is often used to get something back. Fidelity and service to love is when we know it is real.

Blessings,
Ed

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Reflections for 8/28/11

"And deep in my heart I do believe  we shall overcome some day, as he will, by God's grace, by helping the seed of the kingdom grow in ourselves and in each other until finally in all of us it becomes a tree where the birds of the air can come and make their nest in our branches. That is all that matters really."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 229)

I got up this morning and headed over to the church. Unlike many of my colleagues I did not cancel services because of Irene. Maybe I'm foolish, the warnings were fairly dyer. But I've never succumbed to weather reports.  I also believe that if the roads weren't clear, nobodies zeal for the Lord is that great that they would venture out if it weren't safe to do so.

Granted not many made it.  As a matter of fact you could add all three services together and you wouldn't have the normal crowd for our 8 am service.  But I know that many overcame some detours to get there. Many overcame the obstacle to letting the predictions dictate their actions.  And their crazy priest wasn't giving them a reason to skip.  Though maybe he should have.

There are of course in life many obstacles that we need to overcome. Some or truly huge and not of our own making. Others are mountains we've made out of mole hills.  Seeing only what might be a problem and not stopping to think and pray about what solutions might be available to us.

Doing "kingdom work" is never easy. And in the cultural context of the Northeast where there exists a certain apathy towards faith, it is no small obstacle.  But for those of us who keep our focus on these matters and continue to seek, knock and keep moving, amazing things do occur.

Blessings,
Ed

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Reflections for 8/24/11

The conference has ended and I'm hanging out waiting to go to the airport.  Conferences are always hard to leave especially ones that are engaging and are happening in beautiful locations.  I don't long to get back on the plane, though I look forward to coming home.

I don't fly very often, though I do enjoy the thrill of hurtling through the air albeit in a contained environment *(I have no desire to sky dive).  What I do not enjoy is the airport experience, the long lines, the wondering if you're plane has been delayed.  I also find the seats rather confining. No real elbow room even, and not the most comfortable position to sleep in.  I really do need my physical as well as emotional space.

One of the last speakers today was Bishop Barry Beisner of Northern California, who talked about vocation and leadership using the metaphor of hiking.  This caught my attention, because I used to love to hike.  I had a dream once of doing the whole Appalachian Trail.  But I was too timid to take that kind of risk at the age when it was feasible and my body could have done it.

He said there were four things to keep in mind when hiking and related each to our work and I would add life in general.  You must consider "trail."  There really are clear paths that have been walked by others and while they sometimes need some tending, they can still be seen. Our "companions" who do we trust to be with us, whose company will we really enjoy, and who will motivate us when we want to call it quits. The "load", what we carry with us, do we know how to pack for the journey, what is it we really need, and what do we take because we think it might be useful but it just takes up space and weighs us down.  And finally is "pace."  If we go to fast we will burn out or collapse, but if we go to slow, we might not get to where we are going  before it gets too dark to function.

I hope someday to be in good enough shape again to at least walk around the mountains in Copake Falls, but I know in the journey of life, those four things are essential, to a happy, productive and fantastic journey.

Blessings,
Ed

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Reflections for 8/23/11

Apparently there was an earthquake on the East Coast today.  I missed it because I'm here at a conference in Minnesota.  While I didn't experience the forces of nature rocking my world.  I too felt a trembling today.

I was invited to give a presentation to this conference.  As someone who regularly has to get up in front of people and speak, you would think that I might have this shaking under control.  What I'm beginning to understand is it is not the public speaking that shakes me up, but what I may have to say that gets me trembling.

When I'm nervous I can feel that shaking in my legs.  I can hear a quivering in my voice.  I don't know if others notice it or not, but I'm very aware of it.

The funny thing was that I realized that it was because I was sharing my "faith story" in the context of something else and that it is still a daunting task for me.  Because my story isn't sexy, I always fear that in comparison to others my story sucks, and then those feelings of inadequacy start to take over.

Yet after today I realized how powerful that story is, even if I don't find it to be "news worthy."

How much in our experience of life do we think is "vanilla" and yet is essential to who we are, that the telling of the story, when we can muster the courage to tell it, is quite profound.

Earth moving, perhaps not.  But important in understanding who I am, essential.

Blessings,
Ed

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Reflections for 8/17/11

"When the kingdom really comes, it's as if the thing you  lost and thought you'd never find again is you."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life." p. 217)

Self-discovery is a life long journey I find.  Who is the real me, is a question that constantly puzzles and drives me.  I've taken every personality test out there. I'm an ENFP according to Myers-Briggs test.  "Warmly enthusiastic, planners of change: imaginative,individualistic, pursue inspiration with impulsive energy; seek to understand and inspire others."

I can see myself in that, but of course there's also the very shy Ed, the one who deals in the here and now, and constantly keeps looking for boundaries.

I know none of that makes me much different than most.  I generally feel comfortable in my own skin, but occasionally wonder if the real Ed would please stand up. 

There's that verse in the hymn Amazing Grace, "I once was lost, but now am found."  I haven't fully lost myself, but there are times that I get off track and wonder where I am.

Which brings me back to the quote from Buechner, I suppose the kingdom is coming within as I continue this life long journey. It doesn't get fully accomplished but is always in view.

Blessings,
Ed

Friday, August 12, 2011

Reflections for 8/12/11

"I had music on the radio, but I didn't need it.  The day made its own music."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 210)

I will readily admit that I often have music playing in my car.  It usually is not the radio. I can't stand commercials and also the AOR stations in Philly seem to be fixated on only a few bands. My son and I joke that every time we got in the car either Pink Floyd or Pearl Jam was playing.  For the record I like both of those bands, but enough already.

I usually just have my IPod on shuffle and away we go.  It takes a while to get through 786 songs.  I like my music because it keeps me awake. Sometimes I'll sing along but not often.  I sometimes wonder why a priest is listening to hard rock and heavy metal, with some of the focus of the lyrics seeming to contradict some important beliefs that I hold.  It is also true that I don't pay that much attention to the lyrics.  That might be why I thought the album rating system that Al Gore's wife came up with was a dumb idea, unless you were a marketing exec.

I know that there are times that I love to just sit outside and let the sounds of the world be my music, but not when I'm in my car.  Driving with the windows down just doesn't do it for me. 

And when I can hear a song that just gets my head bopping along and energizes me, I'm good to go. 

Blessings,
Ed

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Reflections for 8/11/11

"Like the bear in Thurber's fable, sometimes the pious lean so far over backward that they fall flat on their face."(F.Buechner "Listening to Your Life." p. 210)

Flexibility verses rigidity.  If one is rigid and starts to lean they just fall.  When one is flexible a lean back doesn't cause a fall as much as it does gain a new perspective.

I wonder if sometimes I can get rigid. I like to consider myself flexible, open to other ideas.  Yet I'm sure there are times that I've dug my heals in on something or tried to remain immovable only to have the whole endeavor crash.

That is not to say that occasionally having a spine is a bad thing. There are times that we need to hold fast to what we believe to be true, or important.  And it is also a sign of wisdom and grace when we know how to let go.

Blessings,
Ed

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Reflections for 8/9/11

"It's hard to imagine that there's a believer anywhere who wouldn't have traded places with Thomas, given the chance, and seen that face and heard that voice and touched those ruined hands."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p.209)

I have a fairly lively and vivid imagination. I can visualize what a scene from a book looks like even if there aren't any pictures. I often go back in my mind and think about what I might do differently given a second chance at it.  I also love to imagine trips to far away places or that road trip around the country watching baseball.

The History Channel also feeds this urge, with its reenactments.  I can picture being at different times, just to observe, not to alter.

I'm sure as a believer there are scenes from the Bible that I'd love to witness.

What would you love to have seen? Who in history or fiction would you love to trade places with?  What in your past would you like to replay?  What dreams of the future keep you moving forward each day?

Blessings,
Ed

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Reflections for 8/7/11

"It is no wonder that the books and newspapers we read , the movies and TV we watch, are obsessed with the dark and demonic, are full of death and violence. It is as if the reason we wallow in them is that they help us keep our minds off the real death, the real violence."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 205)

Let me start by saying that I realize that I watch entirely too much TV.  And most of it for the record isn't PBS.  TV has always been a mind number. Whatever the genre it is pure escapism.  The Soaps have always been this and of course now we've introduced into our lexicon reality TV.

I can look at these train wrecks on TV and wonder why am I so fascinated by it.  Of course I could wonder why pro-wrestling had a similar hold on me too.  My hunch is because I haven't figured out other ways to empty myself and shut off my mind.

I know I could read more, yet I don't. I could take long walks, but I don't.  I do understand that I have to deal with a lot of death, generally not graphic, but still trying.  I have to try and help people sift through some fairly dysfunctional stuff.  And at the moment I choose to clear the deck so to speak with things that aren't actually life giving.

I know its not healthy, and I'm trying to cut back.  I also know that there are other mind emptying exercises that would be far more cleansing.  Perhaps they may be worth a try.

Blessings,
Ed

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Reflections for 8/6/11

'Even with us something like that happens once in a while. The face of a man walking his child in the park, of a woman picking peas in the garden, of sometimes even the unlikeliest person listening to a concert, say, or standing in the sand watching the waves roll in, or just having a beer at a Saturday baseball game in July. Every once and so often, something so touching, so incandescent, so alive transfigures the human face that it's almost beyond bearing."(F. Buechener "Listening to Your Life"p. 204)

Every time I hear or see something heinous occur between or by human beings, I feel like screaming what's wrong with the world.  Yet there are those moments where I see people doing something so profoundly beautiful or compassionate that I get hopeful real fast. I'm reminded that the human condition is always ready to act in profoundly positive ways.

Of course there are moments that aren't monumental but also remind me of why I love being alive in this time and this place.  There are still scenes of everyday normal life, that I go Yes!  I see this happen in people that I am close to and from time to time in people that I probably will never see again.

While those random acts of beauty do not completely erase the uglier side of life, they do serve to remind me where to place my hope.

Blessings,
Ed

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Reflections for 8/4/11

"Very young children and very old children also seem to be in touch with something that the rest of the pack has lost track of."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p.203)

While I tend to subscribe more to the biblical phrase that today's problems are enough for today," I will admit that I can space off into remembering my past and dreaming about my future from time to time.

Of course I know what my childhood looked like. And while I could sit and bemoan the not so pleasant parts and see them as some root cause of what I still don't get right, I do know that there are parts that were wonderful and still feed my soul now.  My musical tastes have not matured, expanded perhaps but I still love rock and roll, the louder and faster the better.  I still love baseball, even if I still can't play it any better than I could when I was eight.  I still love walking in the woods, and still have a vivid imagination and love to make lists. Most of which will never be checked off.

And those times that I contemplate post retirement life, I hope that I will be able to sit back, relax and just enjoy.  Do things as long as my body will let me and then gracefully let go, when it won't. 

I get to see young children and old children regularly in my line of work. And often they are some of the funnest people to spend time with. I hope when become an old child, that I might still be seen as fun to be around.

Blessings,
Ed

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Reflections for 8/3/11

"Wine is booze, which means it is dangerous and drunk making. It makes the timed brave and the reserved amorous. It loosens the tongue and breaks the ice especially when served in a loving cup. It kills germs. As a symbols, it is a rather splendid one."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p.201)

The church throughout its history has had a love/hate relationship with alcohol.  In the Roman Catholic Church, Lutheran and Episcopal churches, we generally use real wine at communion, no grape juice in shot glasses here.  In my denomination we have made attempts to be sensitive to the reality of alcoholism and some now offer non-alcoholic wine.  It is also true that many churches use wine that is almost as unpalatable as NightTrain.

Of course you're not actually supposed to be getting very much so that shouldn't actually matter.  The anti-alcohol view that dominates other churches has always fascinated me.  I understand the not wanting to condone getting hammered, and I certainly have seen lives ruined by an addiction to alcohol.  Yet scripture has never been against alcohol or drinking in moderation.  It certainly has something to say about being drunk and making that drug your god.

Honestly I'm not much of a drinker.  I'll have a beer maybe once a month, all totalled I doubt I reach a case. It doesn't make me a better person, it just is not something I enjoy doing, and I'm cheap.

I didn't grow up in a house where alcohol mattered at all.  There was a lot of dust and cobwebs in our liquor cabinet.  I have witnessed people relaxing because of a drink, I've also seen some people become even more obnoxious as a result. Usually because they didn't know when to stop.

And that is true unfortunately of just about anything that is good in this world, food, sex, alcohol, sun bathing...We sometimes lose sight of the blessing and wind up over our heads.

Blessings,
Ed

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Reflections for 8/2/11

"In a sense we are all hungry and in need, but we don't recognize it. With plenty to eat in the deeprfreeze, with a roof over our heads and a car in the garage., we assume that the empty feeling inside must be just a case of the blues that can be cured by a a weekend in the country or an extra martini at lunch or the purchase of a color TV. The poor on the other hand are under no such delusion."(F Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 201)

Today our government raised the "debt ceiling" while hacking away a large chunk of expenditures.  Depending on which side of the aisle your lenses view the world, you see both things as good and bad.  I honestly don't understand numbers this big, I especially can't relate to the people who make these decisions because they all have more net worth than I'll ever have and probably have never experienced real material poverty.

Frankly compared to many people in the world I hardly qualify as poor either.  I probably pay 20% of my income to taxes when you factor it all together.  While I won't claim that I wouldn't mind paying less, I do know what I'd like to believe the taxes that I pay are being used for.

And that in may be what makes this such a divisive issue. Why money will cause us to lose our minds and ultimately our souls.  When I lose sight of the negative impact on folks worse off than me is, then I've become a tad to self absorbed.  I always told myself that when I paid the Social Security part of my tax, to put a face to that money, and since I had grandparents and now parents, and certainly in my vocation others who rely heavily on those checks, I could make that sacrifice.

At the moment I find myself trying not to cave in to the fear that we may be about to exasperate an already humongous problem.

Blessings,
Ed

Monday, August 1, 2011

Reflections for 8/1/11

"The unflagging lunacy of God. the unending seaminess of man. the meeting between them that is always a matter of life or death and usually both."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p.200)

Every time I get asked to do something, I'm always wondering if this is a matter of life or death?  I can recall as a parent of younger children, saying "is there blood?" when responding to some apparent crisis.

The truth is that when I'm in a crisis, for me it is a matter of life or death. Or at least it seems that way.  And of course most of my problems come from really poor planning on my part.  I still am amazed how often the unflagging lunacy of God seems to step in and at least reorient me or calm me down.  The lunacy is how often I'm rescued from my own apparent life or death situation.  And this probably due  to my over blowing the situation and through that crazy grace being allowed to calm down and look at the truth of the situation before proceeding further.

Blessings,
Ed