"Out of each old self that dies, some precious essence is preserved for the new self that is born; and within the child-self that is part of us all, there is perhaps nothing more precious than the fathomless capacity to trust."(F.Buechner "Listening to Your Life." p.174)
Well today starts the second half of 2011. It was a slow day. I'm not all the amped about holiday weekends, I have to work each day, so yawn for me.
As a child summer time for me really was much more about the month of August. That is when my father took his vacation time from the parish. My mom, as a teacher, had the whole summer off anyway. I'm sure my love for travel and seeing our great country is directly related to that childhood. While I don't take whole months off, I'm looking forward to showing my sons pieces of our country and a lot of a shared love, baseball.
As I watched the news tonight, mostly about people heading for the shore, I was again reminded of my past. My grandparents having a house in Ocean City. Walking along the beach, eating Campbell's Seafood. The magic of the boardwalk.
I live closer to Ocean City now than I did as a child, but I don't get there as much. No house to go to and the boardwalk, while having many of the same rides I loved as a kid, no longer speaks to my teenagers. Fortunately it did when they were younger.
There are parts of me and what I've always loved that are still alive and well, sports and rock music. I still like to read, but haven't found the time. What I value in this world and what I think is truly important also have their roots in the younger self, but are more nuanced now.
What I hope I never lose or have nuanced is that child like trust. The one that Jesus talks about his disciples really needing to have in order to make it in this world. I battle cynicism and paranoia both within myself and with those that I encounter.
I'd like to trust authority, but I'm not there yet. I'll respect it, but from a distance. Maybe if it were really there for me, the trust would be easier.
Blessings,
Ed
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