Reflections for 3/31/11

"At the heart of reality there is a room. At the heart of reality there is a heart beating life into all that lives and dies." (F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 83)

One of my favorite Gospel stories is Jesus' promise that in his Father's house there are many dwelling places.  I love that image of heaven and often hold it out for others to contemplate when preaching at funerals.  I invite folks to picture that room for their beloved.  What is in it? What brought that person joy in this world? What truly reflected who they were? And how would you know you were in their room?

On our earthly pilgrimage we have literal rooms that are ours.  As a child my bedroom was my room. I didn't have to share it. The walls were mine to decorate. The furniture was me.  What would you have seen? Posters of rock groups. There was a desk because I was always somewhat of a good student.  There was a stereo to play the music of the groups whose posters you would have noticed.

I don't really have a room of my own now. I do know folks who have "man caves." And maybe that would be cool.

But when I think of what I would want in a room of my own now.... a comfortable chair with a good lamp by which to read. A radio to listen to the ball game.  A book shelf, and a refrigerator.  Pictures of people who are important to me.  And yet even with all those things, the room would still not be that flashy, if  it were truly to reflect me.

Blessings,
Ed

Reflections for 3/30/11

"You get married, a child is born or not born, in the middle of the night there is a knocking at the door, on the way home through the park you see a man feeding pigeons, all the tests come in negative and the doctor give you back your life again; incident follows incident helter-skelter leading apparently nowhere, but then once in a while there is the suggestion of purpose, meaning, direction, the suggestion of plot, the suggestion that, however clumsily, your life is trying to tell you something, take you somewhere."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 82)

I don't believe I've had an especially strange life. There seems to be a pattern to it all. There are behaviors that I seem to exhibit in similar cases.  There are experiences that seem random at first but seem to fall neatly into a pattern when you step back. Each decision that I've made has had some impact on the narrative that is my life.

As I reflected on Buechner's words for today and image of the orchestra at a play came to mind.  Before the conductor arrives each player seems to be fooling around with their instrument.  Each one playing random notes, scales or just getting their lips and lungs or limbs ready to perform at their best.  Once the conductor arrives and taps the baton, then the randomness stops and wow what comes next is so amazing.

Maybe our lives are like that in some way, mostly random though necessary in order to prepare for those occasional wow moments.

Blessings,
Ed

Reflections for 3/29/11

"This might easily have been the end of something for me-my faith exposed as superstition which in part I suppose it is, my most extravagant hoped exposed as childish, which in part I suppose it is-but it was not the end. Because something other than what I expected did happen."(F.Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 81)

Have you ever had a premonition that something was going to happen. Just seemed like the atmosphere was charged in a way that your inner voice said keep your eyes and ears open, something really unexpected is about to occur.

Perhaps it has even been clear what you thought was going to happen.  After a while however the expected didn't happen.  And you're left wondering what made me so sure of this. Why did I have that level of heightened expectation?  Only to discover later that something did occur, just not what you thought.

My faith is one that has a lot of hope filled expectation. There are times that I'm sure I know what's going to happen, and sometimes it does, but just as often not.  Yet I never lose hope of being surprised in a positive way each day.  I suppose the disappointments have the potential to prove my faith in vain, yet somehow it never works out that way for me. Go figure.

Blessings,
Ed

Reflections for 3/28/11

"I cannot talk about God or sin or grace, for example, without at the same time talking about those parts of my own experience where these ideas became compelling and real."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 80)

Because I went to seminary I have read some writings of most of the famous theologians.  I can't say that I fully understood all that they were trying to convey. That's probably why I rarely quote them.  I will admit that the school of Process theology, once I got past its creator made some sense.  I also find Liberation theology speaks to me.

I suppose most of this is true because experience speaks to me.  I certainly understand that most theological questions are answered by looking at them through scripture, tradition and reason.  Yet I find that I cannot look at those three except through the lens of my own experience.

As I read the Bible, I find myself in those stories, and can relate to them and interact with them because I've had similar experiences. I seriously doubt that I could relate to God outside of my experiences of grace, forgiveness, sin etc.  I will always need to define those terms in words that I can understand and relay to others.

I don't want to dismiss the more academic pursuits of theology, I am sure that the Tillichs, the Barths, the Aquinas, Ireneaus and many others also had their own experiences of God in their lives. They just articulate them in ways that weren't always clear to me.

Blessings,
Ed

Reflections for 3/27/11

"In the Episcopal order of worship, the priest sometimes introduces the Lord's Prayer with the words 'Now, as our Savior Christ hath taught us, we are bold to say...' The word bold is worth thinking about. We do well not to pray the prayer lightly. It takes guts to pray it at all. We can pray it in the unthinking and perfunctory way we usually do only by disregarding what we are saying." (F.Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 78)

The Lord's Prayer, the Our Father, whatever you may call it is one of those prayers that most Christians can say in their sleep.  Yeah we all have little nuances, the Roman Catholics seem to drop off the last two verses. Presbyterians have debts, instead of trespasses. Episcopalians also have sins in addition to trespasses.

I know that it is prayer that can be said without words in front because I've led enough funerals and when I introduce saying the prayer, most people join in.

I'll admit I've never thought myself bold while saying it.  It is also true as Buechner points out that I probably haven't given it much thought as to what I'm saying, it is just a part of my Christian DNA.

I do like the boldness of addressing God in a personal way.  I'm not sure how ready I am for the kingdom of God to take over, though I'm enjoying its in breaking.  I try to allow God's will rather than mine to be what guides and directs me, with some success.  I try to be content with having my basic needs met, but there are times that I long for more.  I am grateful for the forgiveness I receive, and try to do likewise.

There are moments of boldness in my prayer life, and in my life in general. Unfortunately there is almost if not more timidity.

Blessings,
Ed

Reflections for 3/26/11

"[Jesus] never approached from on high, but always in the midst, in the midst of people, in the midst of real life and the questions that real life asks." (F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p.78)

I love that last line, " the questions that real life asks."  It seems to me that we don't ask those questions much.  We compare our lives to some "ideal" usually portrayed in movies, or held out by the ideologues of our time.  We here others defining what our questions should be, and pursue the answers to those things, in order to avoid dealing with our own realities.

I often read incredibly simplistic and shallow answers to what are incredibly complex and deeper questions.  And have found it to be true that when an answer is seemingly obvious, it should be looked at a lot closer.  Often it creates more questions than it offers solutions.

I wish I could separate out like strands of spaghetti every issue in my life that I'm confronted with. Unfortunately life is much more like a tapestry that focusing on one loose thread only and not seeing what it is attached to makes the whole thing unravel.

I find it hard sometimes to deal with all the real life questions I'm confronted by.  I'm thankful for my faith which gives me the foundation and the framework within which to seek those answers.

Blessings,
Ed

Reflections for 3/25/11

"This extraordinary life could have had a beginning no less extraordinary. History creates heroes. Heredity is responsible for human greatness. Evil also evolves. Only holiness happens." (F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 77)

Today is the Feast of the Annunciation, conveniently located 9 months before Christmas.  The gospel related to said feast day is of course the Angel Gabriel telling the young Mary that she will bear a child.  News quite shocking to her, for a number of reasons.  But after getting a little more details, she seems ready to do whatever God needs her to do.

It is true that we know our heroes generally in the past tense.  We sometimes even make heroes out of folks who while doing what they do, were not seen that way. And while heredity certainly helps with greatness, we know of folks who become great though the gene pool seemed stacked against them, and also folks who should have been "great" who never achieved anything.

And in our time we certainly have seen evil become more obvious and more also more subtle, but just as sinister. 

But holiness?  I do think that just happens.  I think the harder we strive to be holy the more likely we are to miss.  When we allow the grace of God and the spirit of God to do its work, and to stay out of its way and not try to manipulate it, beautiful things occur.

I don't know if I would be able to have responded to such a visit in the same holy way that Mary did.  That takes a lot more humility than I currently have.  But if I could just let me be, perhaps it might happen.

Blessings,
Ed