So where have I been, what have been up to? Have I had nothing to reflect on? Hardly. I think like many things in life we sometimes need to put things down for a little while and come back to them.
I will say that I was in California earlier in the week. I went to a conference called Gathering of Leaders. It is a collegial group with other Episcopal clergy. This is the third "Gathering" that I've been to. I will admit that each time I go, I'm impressed by the creativity and energy that I witness in my peers. It gives me hope for the church and for the world. I also will admit that I come away sometimes scared. Scared that I don't measure up to these folks, or even worse that I could.
I think one of the things I realized about myself at this conference was that the thing I fear the most is myself. I don't know why I scare me. I'm not violent, I'm not crazy. But something keeps me from really, as the Army puts it, "being all I can be." Perhaps I fear success. I know I fear rejection. There are times when I can be a big brave dog, and other times I need to be reminded of Christopher Robinson's advice to Pooh Bear "you are braver than you believe, and smarter than you think."
I don't know why I can't get out of my own way, but I know that if I could see myself as others apparently do, to quote Dr. Seuss, "oh the place I could go."
Blessings,
Ed
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