It seems like forever since I felt the urge to write one of these. I don't really know what my problem has been. It isn't a lack of time. It isn't a lack of thought. But much of what has kept me busy has not inspired me.
So why today? Well it started at my Book Club here at church. We finished reading Lauren Winner's Still: A Mid Faith Crisis. What stuck out for me was when she reflected on how she used to love to cook. It stuck in my mind because first it made me hungry as she described what she used to make. Second it reminded me how I used to love to cook.
I can remember making food for myself as a kid, open faced grilled cheese sandwiches, macaroni and cheese (granted from a box not scratch) Pancakes (from scratch not a box). As I got older trying out recipes. I've never caught onto grilling but I think I would enjoy it.
As I pondered cooking, I wonder what stopped me from those creative endeavors? Part of it is the crazy unpredictable schedules that the other members of the house seem to have, so why bother? Yet there is a part of me that would love to start up again. Maybe as the summer season rolls in, when there is less on my personal schedule to do.
And all of this got me wondering about many things that I used to do for fun. The things that at one time brought me joy in life, that are no longer a part of my day to day existence. What happened to those activities? Did I just grow out of them? What did I replace them with? Are any of them worth revisiting?
As someone who spends most of his day attending to other people's needs, I have to remind myself that there is such a thing as "me time." I do have some of that when I go to the gym each morning. But can I carve out some other part of my day for "me time as well.
I may have to make that part of my summer to do list.
Blessings,
Ed
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Reflections for 5/2/2012
My book club at church is currently reading Still notes on a Mid-Faith Crisis, by Lauren f. Winner. I was struck by a quote from that book that said, "Or like the writer of Ecclesiastes, instead of asking where the god you thought you were lookng for had gone, ask what god is like now."(Winner p. 114)
Anyone who has ever been involved in a faith community probably has had to ask that question from time to time. If you are no longer in a faith community that very question may be what caused you to leave, either the God you remembered was gone from the preaching and teaching of that place, or perhaps was still present but you no longer longed for that God.
If you are still in a faith community the question has a slightly different meaning, at least it does for me. I find myself looking at my own journey in what I longed for or needed and therefore believed about God as true today as it was 46 years ago? My hunch is no it is not, that as I have in other aspects of my life, things have changed yet stayed the same. At least the way I view and experience God has evolved over time.
And perhaps the question is different if you are new to faith or have returned after an extended absence. What was the longing in your heart? Was it something nostalgic or was it something very new?
Some claim that God never changes, we change. The Bible seems to say something different. God does change and so do we. Sometimes we change in response to God, sometimes our changes are on parallel tracks.
Blessings,
Ed
Anyone who has ever been involved in a faith community probably has had to ask that question from time to time. If you are no longer in a faith community that very question may be what caused you to leave, either the God you remembered was gone from the preaching and teaching of that place, or perhaps was still present but you no longer longed for that God.
If you are still in a faith community the question has a slightly different meaning, at least it does for me. I find myself looking at my own journey in what I longed for or needed and therefore believed about God as true today as it was 46 years ago? My hunch is no it is not, that as I have in other aspects of my life, things have changed yet stayed the same. At least the way I view and experience God has evolved over time.
And perhaps the question is different if you are new to faith or have returned after an extended absence. What was the longing in your heart? Was it something nostalgic or was it something very new?
Some claim that God never changes, we change. The Bible seems to say something different. God does change and so do we. Sometimes we change in response to God, sometimes our changes are on parallel tracks.
Blessings,
Ed
Monday, March 12, 2012
Reflections for 3/12/12
Today was one of those days were you just don't know what's coming. Felt flat at first. A good Caramel Machiatta with a friend help kick some things loose. I waited for someone to later go home and see the email that they weren't coming. Probably just as well, might have ruined my good mood from the Machiatto.
Then this afternoon I went out to do what I often do in the afternoons visit a shut in. Upon arriving at the house the neighbor was leaving and as we said hello the neighbor decided they needed to share that they had no time for religion. God had taken her husband and two sons. And then out the door she went.
At first I wanted to say "on behalf of the whole church in paradise and on earth, I apologize." I don't know why I thought that. It isn't my place or my job to apologize on behalf of God. I know that person felt pain and betrayal and because I'm wearing a collar I'm the easiest person to take that out on. Honestly its not the worse thing that's ever been said to me because of what I represent, but it still takes me aback.
I doubt any of us fully realize what we may represent to others, both positively and negatively. It sucks to be lumped into a generalized negative, especially when the other party doesn't seem interested in learning what you might believe or hearing what you might have to say.
There is also the truth that we can't shy away from whom we are. It's one thing to say I might be "X" but I'm not like those other "Xs", but ultimately you better be ready to say what being who you are really means.
Blessings,
Ed
Then this afternoon I went out to do what I often do in the afternoons visit a shut in. Upon arriving at the house the neighbor was leaving and as we said hello the neighbor decided they needed to share that they had no time for religion. God had taken her husband and two sons. And then out the door she went.
At first I wanted to say "on behalf of the whole church in paradise and on earth, I apologize." I don't know why I thought that. It isn't my place or my job to apologize on behalf of God. I know that person felt pain and betrayal and because I'm wearing a collar I'm the easiest person to take that out on. Honestly its not the worse thing that's ever been said to me because of what I represent, but it still takes me aback.
I doubt any of us fully realize what we may represent to others, both positively and negatively. It sucks to be lumped into a generalized negative, especially when the other party doesn't seem interested in learning what you might believe or hearing what you might have to say.
There is also the truth that we can't shy away from whom we are. It's one thing to say I might be "X" but I'm not like those other "Xs", but ultimately you better be ready to say what being who you are really means.
Blessings,
Ed
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Reflections for 3/11/12
There is an old time hymn entitled I need thee every hour. It came to a friends mind this morning as he marked our lamented, (I'm not sure which) the return of Daylight Savings Time. I will admit that I could have used that extra hour, I'm still tired and not sure I ever fully woke up this morning. This is not good when you need to be leading worship.
I know like everyone else I'll adjust and it will be fine when the sun is up for a long time. And when the outdoor activities commence. But for today I'm just tired.
Time is a funny thing, it is one of those parts of life to which we are given only so much and continually wish we had more. I was thinking about reflecting on this eleven days ago, when February gave us an extra day. On that day I wondered if anyone ever thought about taking advantage of it and playing catch up. Probably not. I know for me it was just another day. Hopefully something got accomplished outside of the usual, but I don't recall anything outstanding.
And then there is today. The day where the government takes an hour from us, and gives it back 8 months later. I've read the history and I suppose there are good reasons for it. I do know this, I am sure it was intentionally put on a Saturday so as not to make people late for work, church maybe but work never.
What would you do with that extra hour if you could claim it anytime in the next eight months? If you new that every four years you would get an extra day that you didn't have to worry about what day it fell on. It was yours as a free gift?
My guess is most of us think we know what we would do with more time, we always hope for it. Yet I think we also fear having more time, because we actually might not know what to do.
Blessings,
Ed
I know like everyone else I'll adjust and it will be fine when the sun is up for a long time. And when the outdoor activities commence. But for today I'm just tired.
Time is a funny thing, it is one of those parts of life to which we are given only so much and continually wish we had more. I was thinking about reflecting on this eleven days ago, when February gave us an extra day. On that day I wondered if anyone ever thought about taking advantage of it and playing catch up. Probably not. I know for me it was just another day. Hopefully something got accomplished outside of the usual, but I don't recall anything outstanding.
And then there is today. The day where the government takes an hour from us, and gives it back 8 months later. I've read the history and I suppose there are good reasons for it. I do know this, I am sure it was intentionally put on a Saturday so as not to make people late for work, church maybe but work never.
What would you do with that extra hour if you could claim it anytime in the next eight months? If you new that every four years you would get an extra day that you didn't have to worry about what day it fell on. It was yours as a free gift?
My guess is most of us think we know what we would do with more time, we always hope for it. Yet I think we also fear having more time, because we actually might not know what to do.
Blessings,
Ed
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Reflections for 3/10/12
So where have I been, what have been up to? Have I had nothing to reflect on? Hardly. I think like many things in life we sometimes need to put things down for a little while and come back to them.
I will say that I was in California earlier in the week. I went to a conference called Gathering of Leaders. It is a collegial group with other Episcopal clergy. This is the third "Gathering" that I've been to. I will admit that each time I go, I'm impressed by the creativity and energy that I witness in my peers. It gives me hope for the church and for the world. I also will admit that I come away sometimes scared. Scared that I don't measure up to these folks, or even worse that I could.
I think one of the things I realized about myself at this conference was that the thing I fear the most is myself. I don't know why I scare me. I'm not violent, I'm not crazy. But something keeps me from really, as the Army puts it, "being all I can be." Perhaps I fear success. I know I fear rejection. There are times when I can be a big brave dog, and other times I need to be reminded of Christopher Robinson's advice to Pooh Bear "you are braver than you believe, and smarter than you think."
I don't know why I can't get out of my own way, but I know that if I could see myself as others apparently do, to quote Dr. Seuss, "oh the place I could go."
Blessings,
Ed
I will say that I was in California earlier in the week. I went to a conference called Gathering of Leaders. It is a collegial group with other Episcopal clergy. This is the third "Gathering" that I've been to. I will admit that each time I go, I'm impressed by the creativity and energy that I witness in my peers. It gives me hope for the church and for the world. I also will admit that I come away sometimes scared. Scared that I don't measure up to these folks, or even worse that I could.
I think one of the things I realized about myself at this conference was that the thing I fear the most is myself. I don't know why I scare me. I'm not violent, I'm not crazy. But something keeps me from really, as the Army puts it, "being all I can be." Perhaps I fear success. I know I fear rejection. There are times when I can be a big brave dog, and other times I need to be reminded of Christopher Robinson's advice to Pooh Bear "you are braver than you believe, and smarter than you think."
I don't know why I can't get out of my own way, but I know that if I could see myself as others apparently do, to quote Dr. Seuss, "oh the place I could go."
Blessings,
Ed
Reflections for 3/10/12
So where have I been, what have been up to? Have I had nothing to reflect on? Hardly. I think like many things in life we sometimes need to put things down for a little while and come back to them.
I will say that I was in California earlier in the week. I went to a conference called Gathering of Leaders. It is a collegial group with other Episcopal clergy. This is the third "Gathering" that I've been to. I will admit that each time I go, I'm impressed by the creativity and energy that I witness in my peers. It gives me hope for the church and for the world. I also will admit that I come away sometimes scared. Scared that I don't measure up to these folks, or even worse that I could.
I think one of the things I realized about myself at this conference was that the thing I fear the most is myself. I don't know why I scare me. I'm not violent, I'm not crazy. But something keeps me from really, as the Army puts it, "being all I can be." Perhaps I fear success. I know I fear rejection. There are times when I can be a big brave dog, and other times I need to be reminded of Christopher Robinson's advice to Pooh Bear " you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."
I really do wish that I could get out of my own way. I also wish I could see myself as apparently others do.
I will say that I was in California earlier in the week. I went to a conference called Gathering of Leaders. It is a collegial group with other Episcopal clergy. This is the third "Gathering" that I've been to. I will admit that each time I go, I'm impressed by the creativity and energy that I witness in my peers. It gives me hope for the church and for the world. I also will admit that I come away sometimes scared. Scared that I don't measure up to these folks, or even worse that I could.
I think one of the things I realized about myself at this conference was that the thing I fear the most is myself. I don't know why I scare me. I'm not violent, I'm not crazy. But something keeps me from really, as the Army puts it, "being all I can be." Perhaps I fear success. I know I fear rejection. There are times when I can be a big brave dog, and other times I need to be reminded of Christopher Robinson's advice to Pooh Bear " you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."
I really do wish that I could get out of my own way. I also wish I could see myself as apparently others do.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Reflections for 2/14/12
Today is Valentine's Day. A day I've literally had a love hate relationship with for years. My earliest recollections of this day are from elementary school, which was probably where the hate part of my feelings towards this holiday arise.
Like many I had to cut out valentines and bring them in for everyone. We would pass them out and receive them too. Whether what I'm about to say actually occurred or not I can't prove 40 years later, but the feeling has never gone away. Since I did not feel very popular or that most of my classmates liked me, let alone loved me, I felt like Charlie Brown.
I also will admit that my hate relationship with this holiday is that it feels like a marketing ploy, and puts a price on love. Though I do play along because I have a special person in my life, and that is what makes me love the holiday.
I also know that while I am blessed with having a special person in my life and have had 23 Valentine's Days with her. It is not true for everyone. And what sort of kick in gut watching this might be for those without someone to love or be loved by.
So I turn to one way that even I might consider entering even more fully into this day of celebrating love and look at St. Paul's definition and see how I'm doing in being "love."
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)
Maybe towards my wife and in fact towards most people I come in contact with, this may mean more than any candy, special dinner or flowers.
Like many I had to cut out valentines and bring them in for everyone. We would pass them out and receive them too. Whether what I'm about to say actually occurred or not I can't prove 40 years later, but the feeling has never gone away. Since I did not feel very popular or that most of my classmates liked me, let alone loved me, I felt like Charlie Brown.
I also will admit that my hate relationship with this holiday is that it feels like a marketing ploy, and puts a price on love. Though I do play along because I have a special person in my life, and that is what makes me love the holiday.
I also know that while I am blessed with having a special person in my life and have had 23 Valentine's Days with her. It is not true for everyone. And what sort of kick in gut watching this might be for those without someone to love or be loved by.
So I turn to one way that even I might consider entering even more fully into this day of celebrating love and look at St. Paul's definition and see how I'm doing in being "love."
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)
Maybe towards my wife and in fact towards most people I come in contact with, this may mean more than any candy, special dinner or flowers.
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