"I am my secrets. And you are your secrets. Our secrets are human secrets, and our trusting each other enough to share them with each other has much to do with the secret of what it is to be human."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life." p. 324)
What does that mean that I am my secrets? My best guess is that the real us, is not usually what we actually present to the general public. Perhaps to our closest friends we may confide these things, and to those in our family that we love dearly. I know that I sometimes surprise people who don't know everything about me. In some ways I'm a stereotypical priest, but there are aspects of me that do not fit neatly into the stereotype.
Why I think that our secrets and choosing to share them with others is ultimately about trust. Trust is something I would rather give and certainly feel honored when people trust me that way. Their is a sharing and a deeper relationship that way.
I also know that this is true about my relationship with God. There is in the Book of Common Prayer what is known as the collect for purity. In that prayer it is said that to God all hearts are open, all desires known and no secrets are hid. I'm sure there is nothing about me that God doesn't know. I'm sure there are things about me I wish God didn't know, but feel blessed that God has a sense of humor.
Blessings,
Ed
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Reflections for 12/7/11
"My mother excoriated the ravages of old age but never accepted them as the inevitable consequence of getting old."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p.319)
While I haven't been around as long as Buechner's mother (apparently she pushed 100) I do know that there have been changes in me physically and emotionally that have much to do with age.
I'll be 46 next week, not old by any stretch, but older none the less. I know that what my body looked like 25 years ago it no longer does. Part of that is age and part of that is neglect. I'm trying to see how much of it I can reasonably bring back, yet know that I will never be that lean mean rock and roll machine again.
I still like loud music, but I find my patience with the crowds it attracts diminishing.
I'm sure that in the remaining years of my life I will probably continue to lose some abilities and some things that I currently enjoy. The question I have to wrestle with each day is how do I adapt to these changes, gracefully, or in some bizarre holding on.
I hope to live a long life. But more importantly to me, I hope to live a full one.
Blessings,
Ed
While I haven't been around as long as Buechner's mother (apparently she pushed 100) I do know that there have been changes in me physically and emotionally that have much to do with age.
I'll be 46 next week, not old by any stretch, but older none the less. I know that what my body looked like 25 years ago it no longer does. Part of that is age and part of that is neglect. I'm trying to see how much of it I can reasonably bring back, yet know that I will never be that lean mean rock and roll machine again.
I still like loud music, but I find my patience with the crowds it attracts diminishing.
I'm sure that in the remaining years of my life I will probably continue to lose some abilities and some things that I currently enjoy. The question I have to wrestle with each day is how do I adapt to these changes, gracefully, or in some bizarre holding on.
I hope to live a long life. But more importantly to me, I hope to live a full one.
Blessings,
Ed
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Reflections for 12/6/11
"And because words are so much a part of what we keep the past alive by."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 319)
I have a pretty good memory. Probably most people that I know I can recall something about, some shared experience. I like to tell stories and certainly as a person of faith, words are an integral part of my life.
I wonder though if not talking about someone or something makes it go away? Part of that feels like denial, in the case of something or some event. Part of it is also just a fading do to time. While I can claim to remember something about many people, that does not necessarily mean I can recall every person I've ever met, without someone naming them.
When we speak of or about people, places and things they remain alive if only in our memories. When we stop talking about them, they may fade away, but I'm not convinced they completely go.
Blessings,
Ed
I have a pretty good memory. Probably most people that I know I can recall something about, some shared experience. I like to tell stories and certainly as a person of faith, words are an integral part of my life.
I wonder though if not talking about someone or something makes it go away? Part of that feels like denial, in the case of something or some event. Part of it is also just a fading do to time. While I can claim to remember something about many people, that does not necessarily mean I can recall every person I've ever met, without someone naming them.
When we speak of or about people, places and things they remain alive if only in our memories. When we stop talking about them, they may fade away, but I'm not convinced they completely go.
Blessings,
Ed
Monday, November 28, 2011
Reflections for 11/28/11
"Whatever else they may be, the people in the Bible are real human beings."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 309)
If you were to go into a library I wonder where you would find the Bible? At Barnes and Noble its in the "religion section" but most small town libraries aren't that elaborate. The standard fiction or non-fiction seems to be the norm.
I don't know that I could classify the Bible as either. At a certain level its fiction. There are stories within that have some historical validity but have been written with a certain slant. Much like, "historical fiction" there is a deeper truth being told using some historical realities. But to call it fiction is to rob it of its overall effectiveness for me.
At a certain level its non-fiction, there are historical figures that appear in other sources. But I can't spend too much time validating every name and event, because to me that misses the point also.
What I know is that as I read the Bible, I find the truly important parts to be very real for me. They speak to my life as I lived it. Not so much in terms of the rules of a nomadic culture, but in the realities of what being a human meant and continues to mean. There's a Jacob in all of us. There is a Mary in all of us.
I know that what I've said can probably hold true for any good novel. But for me the Bible has something that differentiates it. And maybe it is that each time I read it, something new comes into view for me. Not because the words have changed, but because I have. And no other book that I've read more than once does that for me.
Blessings,
Ed
If you were to go into a library I wonder where you would find the Bible? At Barnes and Noble its in the "religion section" but most small town libraries aren't that elaborate. The standard fiction or non-fiction seems to be the norm.
I don't know that I could classify the Bible as either. At a certain level its fiction. There are stories within that have some historical validity but have been written with a certain slant. Much like, "historical fiction" there is a deeper truth being told using some historical realities. But to call it fiction is to rob it of its overall effectiveness for me.
At a certain level its non-fiction, there are historical figures that appear in other sources. But I can't spend too much time validating every name and event, because to me that misses the point also.
What I know is that as I read the Bible, I find the truly important parts to be very real for me. They speak to my life as I lived it. Not so much in terms of the rules of a nomadic culture, but in the realities of what being a human meant and continues to mean. There's a Jacob in all of us. There is a Mary in all of us.
I know that what I've said can probably hold true for any good novel. But for me the Bible has something that differentiates it. And maybe it is that each time I read it, something new comes into view for me. Not because the words have changed, but because I have. And no other book that I've read more than once does that for me.
Blessings,
Ed
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Reflections for 11/23/11
"For a moment what he believes or doesn't believe Kyrie eleison, Christe eleison- and as at snow, dreams, certain memories, at fairy tales, the heart leaps, the eyes fill."(F. Buechener "Listening to Your Life" p.307)
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. I'd put it up there with Christmas for sure as a holiday laced with memories. I'd have to say mostly positive. Growing up we seem to rotate around my father's family, each brother taking a turn to host. Always food, lots of food.
In High School there was always the annual football game Metuchen vs. Highland Park. I don't know if they still play, but I recall going to that game every year, as a member of the band, football games weren't an option. I also remember coming home from college and going to the game, seemed like one big reunion.
This year we're staying put, not going anywhere and no one coming. I'm a little sad about that, but schedules and lives change.
I also remember taking my boys to see the Macy's thanksgiving day parade, a benefit of in-laws living in Manhatten.
I know that underlying those memories are glimpses of joy and reminders of the things that I'm thankful for. I've seen other things that stir memories songs, pictures, even reacquainting on Facebook.
May this holiday be one with glimpses of joy.
Blessings,
Ed
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. I'd put it up there with Christmas for sure as a holiday laced with memories. I'd have to say mostly positive. Growing up we seem to rotate around my father's family, each brother taking a turn to host. Always food, lots of food.
In High School there was always the annual football game Metuchen vs. Highland Park. I don't know if they still play, but I recall going to that game every year, as a member of the band, football games weren't an option. I also remember coming home from college and going to the game, seemed like one big reunion.
This year we're staying put, not going anywhere and no one coming. I'm a little sad about that, but schedules and lives change.
I also remember taking my boys to see the Macy's thanksgiving day parade, a benefit of in-laws living in Manhatten.
I know that underlying those memories are glimpses of joy and reminders of the things that I'm thankful for. I've seen other things that stir memories songs, pictures, even reacquainting on Facebook.
May this holiday be one with glimpses of joy.
Blessings,
Ed
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Reflections for 11/20/11
"For both parties, forgiveness means the freedom again to be at peace inside their own skins and to be glad in each other's presence."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life." p. 305)
Last night at the Youth Retreat for the Diocese, we were invited to walk the labyrinth. There was meditative music playing, candle light bordering the labyrinth and we were invited to walk and when we reached the center to right down on a piece of paper something we needed to forgive or something we needed to be forgiven for.
I was amazed by the level of emotion in the room. I have no idea what anyone but myself wrote on their papers. At the end of that exercise we went back to the dormitory where a fire was lit and I, in my role as chaplain, invited folks to bring their paper up to the fireplace and saying "for what is on this paper and what still remains in my heart I offer up to you, Lord God, and then throw the paper onto the fire.
When I saw that forgiveness was the topic from Buechner, I tried to remember if there were still people I needed to forgive. I honestly can think of only one person in my life who hurt me so deeply that the memory of it still has a tinge of pain. I will say that it no longer dominates my thoughts and that may be because subconsciously I forgave that person years ago.
I certainly have never told that person this news and it may not even be something they really need to know. The likelihood that they feel stuck knowing that I was hurt by them is remote. I seriously doubt our paths will ever cross again, though it is possible.
But if those stars should in some way should align, I hope I will have the courage to tell that person, I forgive you.
Blessings,
Ed
Last night at the Youth Retreat for the Diocese, we were invited to walk the labyrinth. There was meditative music playing, candle light bordering the labyrinth and we were invited to walk and when we reached the center to right down on a piece of paper something we needed to forgive or something we needed to be forgiven for.
I was amazed by the level of emotion in the room. I have no idea what anyone but myself wrote on their papers. At the end of that exercise we went back to the dormitory where a fire was lit and I, in my role as chaplain, invited folks to bring their paper up to the fireplace and saying "for what is on this paper and what still remains in my heart I offer up to you, Lord God, and then throw the paper onto the fire.
When I saw that forgiveness was the topic from Buechner, I tried to remember if there were still people I needed to forgive. I honestly can think of only one person in my life who hurt me so deeply that the memory of it still has a tinge of pain. I will say that it no longer dominates my thoughts and that may be because subconsciously I forgave that person years ago.
I certainly have never told that person this news and it may not even be something they really need to know. The likelihood that they feel stuck knowing that I was hurt by them is remote. I seriously doubt our paths will ever cross again, though it is possible.
But if those stars should in some way should align, I hope I will have the courage to tell that person, I forgive you.
Blessings,
Ed
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Reflections for 11/16/11
"That means the Bible is a book about you and me."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life." p. 303)
The Bible is certainly one of the most beloved and even at times controversial books out there. It is the central document if you will of the Christian faith. 2/3 of it is central to the Jewish faith. There are people who read it religiously (pun intended) and those who read it without any faith at all.
We read various translations. We argue about the meanings of texts. And there are times when the texts let us have it.
Vocationally I get to read the Bible on a regular basis. But in those times when I'm not reading it for work, I will admit that I try to find my part in that book. What are the biblical stories that reflect very well what it is to be me. The context may change, we're not ancient middle eastern goat herders after all, yet what it means to be a human, with all its joys and sorrows, the inner conflicts of trying to live right and yet falling short, are all there.
And depending on what's going on in my life who I relate to more in any given biblical story changes. And that's not a bad thing.
I suppose as a reasonably avid reader I have found myself projecting into many books. But I have consistently found that with "the Book" I find something new each time, even when I've read those words before. Because I change and evolve the meaning of the text changes, because much like me, that book feels very much alive.
Blessings,
Ed
The Bible is certainly one of the most beloved and even at times controversial books out there. It is the central document if you will of the Christian faith. 2/3 of it is central to the Jewish faith. There are people who read it religiously (pun intended) and those who read it without any faith at all.
We read various translations. We argue about the meanings of texts. And there are times when the texts let us have it.
Vocationally I get to read the Bible on a regular basis. But in those times when I'm not reading it for work, I will admit that I try to find my part in that book. What are the biblical stories that reflect very well what it is to be me. The context may change, we're not ancient middle eastern goat herders after all, yet what it means to be a human, with all its joys and sorrows, the inner conflicts of trying to live right and yet falling short, are all there.
And depending on what's going on in my life who I relate to more in any given biblical story changes. And that's not a bad thing.
I suppose as a reasonably avid reader I have found myself projecting into many books. But I have consistently found that with "the Book" I find something new each time, even when I've read those words before. Because I change and evolve the meaning of the text changes, because much like me, that book feels very much alive.
Blessings,
Ed
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