Reflections for 7/19/10

"I think all of us have to confront ourselves as poor people in that way. And that's why many of our greatest moments of grace follow upon, sometimes, or greatest sins. We are hard-hearted and closed-minded for years. Then comes the moment of vulnerability and mercy. We break down and break through."(R.Rohr "Radical Grace" p.252)

One of the hardest things in life is to look honestly at one's self. To be able to see beyond the public facade that we put out there. There are folks walking and living among us, who seem to have everything, the world at their feet, and yet are totally dead inside. Their sole purpose is to continue to perpetuate the myth that is them. To continue to behave as if they are the only people on the planet. That there's is the only opinion that truly matters.

The problem of course is that beyond the blow hards that we can all point to there is a part of many of us that is similar, we just aren't as adept at self promotion. But when the breakdown occurs, when we no longer have the energy to keep up with the Jones, that is when grace breaks through.

When that aha moment arrives and you begin to realize, I don't have to be that person. That a larger vision of how the world works might actually open me up to the grace and mercy I secretly need. But in my need to not seem needy I suppress.

One hopes that we don't have to have to many aha moments, that the first one really opens us up completely. Regrettably those moments don't always have the complete effect needed, and we wind up repeating the same mistakes, and shutting down and shutting out. And then grace has to break through again.

Blessings,
Ed