Reflections for 7/25/10

"A relationship between two people , a true giving and receiving becomes something that almost stands apart from the person's themselves. The can talk about their relationship. They can let other people in on their relationship and give their relationship to other people. That's precisely what a mother and father should do for their child. Children who receive that gift are the healthiest and most secure children."(R. Rohr "Radical Grace" p. 259)

A few times in my ministry I've been invited to renew people's wedding vows, usually at 50 years or more. While I'm approaching 20 years of marriage, 50 seems like a really long time. It's in some ways quite impressive given the statistics on divorce.

People will often asks these couples "what's made it work." I'm not sure I've ever actually hear the answer to that question. My sense is that they've known all along how to be a couple to each other. There aren't separate lives that occasionally meet for dinner. But truly decent quality time spent together. The children actually saw how people who love and respect each other behave. The wider community knows them and isn't gossipping about them.

I also think that these folks have perhaps embodied the prayers that are said at wedding ceremonies in my church. They are too each other "a strength in need, a counselor in perplexity, a comfort in sorrow, and a companion in joy." They have "grown in peace with [God] and one another." They know how "to recognize and acknowledge their fault, and [how] to seek each other's forgiveness." "They are testimony "that unity may overcome estrangement, forgiveness heal guilt and joy conquer despair." They have fulfillment of their mutual affection, that they reach out in love and concern for others."

Maybe you've been privy to witness or know couples like that. Maybe you're fortunate enough to be in one right now. My hope will be that if you aren't, that the next relationship you choose to enter in, will be one that others look up to.

Blessings,
Ed