Reflections for 2/19/10

"What we lack in an addictive society and an addictive family is a sense of being truly alive. So we look for pseudo-ways to feel alive. They never work, as you know, but for some reason they seem better than doing nothing. We use nicotine, caffeine, or just stick food in our mouths to have some kind of sensation. some of us pour liquor down our throats, or overstimulate ourselves through gambling or destructive sexual activity. these behaviors are a testimony to a lack of spirituality. One who is spiritually alive has an excess of strength, an honest sense of interior creativity and interior imagination. They can say, 'I have more than enough. There's enough of me that I can give some of it away." (R. Rohr "Radical Grace" p. 105)

My grandfather one time, or perhaps more than one time, told me I was addicted, to food. He could see the weight I'd put on, which isn't hard to see after all and in his own sort of loving way and concern for me, pointed out the obvious. He certainly would know something of addiction since he was an alcoholic, though by the time of this particular lecture he'd been sober for a number of years.

He didn't suggest that I become more spiritual, he was agnostic so that would not have been in his vocabulary. But his confrontation was right on. I'd like to say that from that point on, I reversed course and am now a normal eater, who does so because to not eat would have its own health implications. I will say that I have noticed a direct correlation between when I'm spiritually in a good place and when I'm not, and that barometer is my eating habits.

When my spirituality is running on all cylinders I find my focus is greater, I don't feel overwhelmed and bored simultaneously. But when I start to take my spiritual practices for granted or put them aside for awhile, the trips to the kitchen become more frequent and the spiral downward commences.

I'm getting better at catching those moments and stopping the ride before it goes to far. I have a long way to go, and perhaps like anyone in recovery it is a life long process. I need the help of my friends, I need the inner strength that comes from God, and I need to keep those lines of relationship open.

Blessings,
Ed