"The most simple spiritual discipline is some degree of solitude and silence. But it's the hardest, because none of us wants to be with someone we don't love. To be with our own thoughts and feelings, to stop the addictive prayer wheels and just feel what we're really feeling, think what we're really thinking, is probably the most courageous act most of us will ever do." (R. Rohr "Radical Grace" p. 106)
One of my growing edges spiritually is definitely solitude and silence. Force me to go on a quiet day and I'll start to crawl out of my skin. Part of that comes from being an extrovert, but that is also an excuse. Another part is what Rohr is talking about, being afraid of what I might find if the only person I have to relate to is me.
While most people that I know, even extroverts, will claim to want a day with nothing going on, yet if offered will rarely accept the invitation. I wonder if Rohr is right that the real problem is that I don't want to be with myself because I really don't love myself. I know one of my faults is that I constantly self-deprecate, even in the face of positive feedback I tend to resort to asking "why would anyone think that." In some ways it is very sad. And something I'm trying to work on as well.
Sometimes the extrovert in me does express what he's really feeling and thinking, the key will be to figure out when is the right time to actually express that. And maybe that would be something worth wrestling with the next time I get a chance for some solitude and silence.
Blessings,
Ed
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The only time solitude is a problem for me, is when I allow negative feelings to start stewing in my head, which only compounds them. Then I know I have to get out into the world. Otherwise, I savor my time alone, when I can get it!
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