Reflections for 3/6/10

"In solitude at last we're able to let the Lord define us the way we are always supposed to be defined: by relationship, the I-thou relationship, in relationship to a Presences that demands nothing of us but presence. If we've never lived in the realm of pure presence, without our world of achieving, we don't know how to breath there at first. And that is precisely why the Lord has to breath through us. The Lord has to be our life, the Lord has to be our identity. At last we allow ourselves be defined relationship, instead of by the good-even the holy-things we've done." (R. Rohr "Radical Grace" p. 119)

I will sometimes ask people which "hat" I should be wearing when they say, I have a question to ask. I have to think from which of my roles, titles etc. am I answering them. One would think all those roles should be a unified Ed, but they aren't yet. But after a while with so many "hats" I lose track of the authentic Ed.

And maybe that's what some time in solitude might do. First I'd have to convince myself to let go of the excuses I come with as to why not go on retreat, be by myself alone in my thoughts and prayers and see what that I-thou relationship really looks like. I know that I would have a hard time as Fr. Rohr said breathing in that space. As an extrovert and a Type 2 personality on the Enneagram (the Helper), the first moments there would be the hardest, nobody needing me, calling me, defining me etc. And probably the most fearful because I'd have to actually confront and be confronted by the real me. And yet the real me, when brought to the surface, when reminded by my time in the presence of God alone, might find the way to truly integrate those other aspects of Ed and thereby creating a stronger more mature in faith and life Ed. One that could be truly helpful.

Blessings,
Ed