Reflections for 1/19/11

"And though I think I knew even then that finding that self and being that self and protecting and nurturing and enjoying that self was not the 'everything' I called it in the poem, by and large it was everything that, to me, really mattered. That, in any event, was the surface I floated on and in many ways float on still as to one degree or another we all of us both do and must lest otherwise we get lost or drown in the depths. But to lose track of those depths to the extent that i was inclined to- to lose track of the deep needs beyond our own needs and those of our closest friends , to lose track of the deep mystery beyond or at the hear t of the mystery of our separate selves- is to lose track also of what our journey is a journey toward and of the sacredness and high adventure of our journey. Nor, if we have our eyes, ears, hearts open at all, does life allow us to lose track of the depths for long."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" pp. 17-18)

I have found it to be true that my focus in life seems to be a constant back and forth between caring about the world outside of myself and caring about Ed.  There are some who would say that I make Ed take a backseat all the time.  That isn't entirely true.  There are often times that I stop and take a good hard look at myself. It happens particularly in times of stress, burning out, and/or frustration. 

Don't get me wrong, I sorta like Ed. There are times that I wish he'd be quiet, not constantly needing to play the court jester role.  There are also times that I can get sucked into the drama of the moment, the concerns of the greater world, the justice issues, the ideological debates. Again when they get to be too much, I jump back into "let's look at Ed mode."

There are of course folks  who spend all their time self promoting and navel gazing, paying no attention to the needs of others, so long as their needs are being met and kept in the spot light.  There are also those who swim so much in the deeper waters of issues, that you begin to wonder what they might be avoiding at home.  As human beings we are reminded that there are three loves in our lives, love of God, love of neighbor and love of self. When any of those three gets ignored we become out of balance. And then we tend to overcompensate. Perhaps a better image would be a like having three triangles lying on top of a one of those toys that doesn't fall over, it moves to one side or the other every now and then, but never gets stuck in one place.

Blessings,
Ed