"Through my revulsion at my own weaknesses as well as through such satisfaction as I had in my own strengths, it seems to me now that a power from beyond time was working to achieve its own aim through my aimless life in time as it works through the lives of all of us and all our times."(F. Buechner "Listening to Your Life" p. 20)
Whenever I engage in self assessment, it is amazing to me how much of the data I produce focuses on my weaknesses or what I don't do well. There is generally little room for even acknowledging any strengths I might have, or things that I've done well.
I have the same problem when people are telling me something about myself. I always hear the criticism, very rarely the praise. If I do hear the praise I often don't believe it or feel worthy of it. Really quite silly.
When I'm truly open to possibilities that are beyond my own sense of self, it is amazing how much movement there is. Those things that are weaknesses get tweaked enough to be useful. Those strengths get built upon. Most of this doesn't happen overnight mind you. And sometimes the change in direction comes unexpectedly. What I feel confident about is that most of this is not actually my own doing. And I feel confirmed in the fact that I am still a work in progress.
Blessings,
Ed
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