Reflections for 6/17/10

"If a husband does not give specific time to his wife, simply to show her love and concern, he is being unreal when he says that his work is his love for her, or his taking care of the house is his love for her or whatever else. The same applies for wives. There must be moments of focus, of exclusive human love....Without a private prayer life, community prayer doesn't happen and community life doesn't work. We can continue it for a while, but then it becomes a pretense. So if you are just praying at your prayer meeting, I'll bet you're not praying. If you're just praying on Sunday morning, I'll bet you're not praying. If you don't think of the Lord until Sunday morning, you don't think of the Lord enough. How could you relate to your spouse that way? Ignore him or her for six days of the week and then routinely say, 'I love you' once a week. That's not a true relationship. Lovers share their entire lives with one another. If you love God, you share your whole life with God."(R. Rohr "Radical Grace" pp.221-222)

One of the many things I talk about with couples when doing pre-marital counseling, is the setting of time for each other. It becomes one of the things that we can take for granted in a marriage, that person is always there, and doesn't need the same attention we gave when we were trying to win them over. The risk we take with that is drifting apart as a couple. We find other things and people to occupy our time, and then it might start to get really ugly.

Our relationship with God needs and deserves the same attention. Having time set aside to work on it. When we keep at it, it becomes less of a chore and more of the natural flow of our daily lives. And like most relationships that don't get tended to, it can also get to a place where you no longer feel the connection you once did. You may not even know why.

I try to spend as much quality time with my two main loves as I can, my family and God. I even find that God doesn't demand as much of my time as my family, and yet the time spent with God helps me to focus my love and energy towards my wife and my kids in ways that are truly meaningful.

Blessings,
Ed