"So many have found their total identity in their children or in one another. But you can't endlessly look at one another's eyes and hope to find eternity. Look together toward something you both believe and share in. That leads you out and beyond yourselves and into something new, wonderful and dangerous, into something that demands that you risk your love, that you risk0if I can say it -your marriage, to find out how much more life and how much more marriage God wants to give you. Each love opens us to what we really love. Each desire fulfilled helps us to seek further for what we are still desiring. Don't stop! Each love relationship is seducing us int the Relationship."(R. Rohr "Radical Grace" p. 226-227)
Some true statements: I am the dad of Mike and Peter. But that is not all that I am. I am Gail's husband. But that is not all that I am either. Those relationships are incredibly important to me. And I would be incomplete without them. But I would still exist.
If the whole definition of being me were tied into my role as parent, I would not only hurt me, but my children as well. They would never become anything other than Ed's kids. I am proud of their achievements, but they are not mine. I can be disappointed in their failures, but they are not mine. I have responsibilities towards them, but my chief role should be to create two people who do not need me to make every decision for them, and to feel that they are nothing without me.
If the whole definition of being me were tied into my role as husband, I would not only hurt me, but also my wife as well. How can a spouse become fully themselves if I cling to my image as the center of the universe? My hope is to share a life time of memories with my wife. To see life as an adventure shared.
All of our relationships combine to make up the whole of who God intended us to be. They also help us to reflect more fully the gift and beauty of that particular relationship.
Blessings,
Ed
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