"I go ahead with my Christian life. I hope I'm free to say yes and give them a due hearing. However, I also have my own prayer life. I have my conscience; I have my own study of Scripture that I've done together with my Franciscan community, scholars and lay community. I have to trust these hearings. I have to trust my inner authority as a complement to that outer authority."(R. Rohr "Radical Grace" p.283)
To a certain extent I'm an institutional guy. Hard to be a priest in a hierarchical church and not be. I am actually accountable to someone other than myself. At the same time I'm a stereotypical Gen-xer who doesn't like to be micromanaged. I've had to learn to balance those two realities.
There are times when the larger church does things, makes decisions etc, that I scratch my head over. It gets worse for me outside of the Episcopal Church. So I've come to rely a lot on my gut and my brains working together. So far I've kept out of trouble.
Most of us are not fortunate enough to be truly independent contractors in our own lives. We usually have to report to someone. And that is incredibly frustrating. Most of us have had to learn how to live in a world where we are not in charge, and yet have been blessed with brains and skills that sometimes are more than we need to get the job done.
We need ways to feed our minds and our souls as well as put food on our tables. Finding that balance seems to me to be one of life's biggest and hardest tasks.
Blessings,
Ed
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