"Instead, its a world of noise and weak identity, where we need constant reassurance. someone to be holding our hand all the time and telling us, "you're good. God loves you."(R. Rohr "Radical Grace" p. 329)
There is a part of me that often needs to be affirmed. To be reassurred. To be told that I matter, that I'm good, that I'm loved. All of those messages are important to hear, but if that's all we ever hear I'm not sure that is such a good thing.
The reality is that none of us is always good, always lovable. But if the only tape we ever hear is that, when we do wind up hurting someone, or disappointing them, we are not equipped to deal with that.
I'm not advocating for hearing constantly that we're awful, unloveable, etc. either. That is just as damaging. It becomes harder to ever accept praise from others. To believe that we are capable of ever doing anything right. Again not reality and not healthy.
When we have a healthy sense of who we are, we can hear the good and receive it gracefully. We can also hear the legitimate criticisms and use them as learning opportunities.
Perhaps one of the roles we play in any relationship is to help people grow into a healthy understanding of who they are. The good and lovable person, but also the one that doesn't always get it right.
Blessings,
Ed
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