"Many people are incapable of true repentance because they are trying too hard. They get into breast beating ad putting themselves down. It will never work, but only deaden and paralyze. That's never God's work. God enters into our sin and redeems it. God loves us first before we can do anything. And from that experience of unearned love, unprepared-for-love, comes within us the power to begin again. We end up looking good and getting the credit, but we know better inside."(R.Rohr "Radical Grace" p. 389)
I'm not the type of person that dwells too much on my sinfulness. That's not to say that I'm sinless, that would be a lie, which of course would then be a sin. What I mean is that I don't try to make a public spectacle of myself as I own up to my faults. Accept the forgiveness given to me and then attempt to build upon that foundation a new and improved Ed.
In some ways repentance, turning one's life around, is like any project, there will be false starts, we will hit plateaus, we will get stuck and feel like throwing in the towel. We might even start the breast beating, self imposed guilt trips, hoping that someone will notice and rescue us.
I take seriously Jesus statement at making a public display of one's piety (Matthew 6)Whether that's showing off with long winded prayers, or letting everyone know how sorry you feel. When I've gone looking for applause, I'm in trouble.
When we see other people who seemingly pulled themselves up, or turned their life around, we want to hear what self-help book they've read. Lord knows I've read enough of those too, but the only thing I can say that has ever truly worked, was relying on God's help that comes through that unearned love.
Blessings,
Ed
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