"Sit by the stream, on the edge. Don't let the ego try to fix, control, categorize or ensure any of your experience. The ego wants to ensure that things are significant, that events make us important. Our activities become little righteousness trips, and we stand on our certitude."(R.Rohr "Radical Grace" p.23)
I have to admit I do spend a lot of time trying to understand my experiences. I certainly try to fix them, usually only mentally, by replaying how I might have done it differently. Pretty much a waste of time and energy, because I can't change those things. I also do like to control my experiences, but that can lead to avoiding an experience I'm supposed to have. And certainly categorizing happens all the time. Something was either fantastic or painful, or some other adjective. It rarely just is.
And that is the invitation that I see myself fighting all the time. Will I ever just live and let live. Can I just enjoy the moment for whatever purpose it was meant to serve. I'd love to believe that everything I do is super important, yet most of it isn't even newsworthy. Perhaps the grand sum of it all will amount to something, but I don't know.
The righteousness trip that I can see myself on is one needing affirmation in what I do. And a belief that I am right in what I do. The problem is I probably won't get nearly any of the affirmation I long for, and in there are even bound to be times that I'm just flat out wrong.
And perhaps if I would give up on all those negative things about experience that the Fr. Rohr speaks of and just live in the moment and enjoy it for what it has to offer at the time, I'd be a lot happier.
Blessings,
Ed
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