"{John the Baptist} goes on his vision quest into the desert where he faces his aloneness, boredom and naked self. He returns with a message, a clarity, a surety of heat that reveals a totally surrendered man. First he lsitens long and self-forgetfully; then he speaks, acts and accepts the consequences. Surely he is the ultimate wild man! Or is it wise man? He is both"(R. Rohr "Radical Grace" p. 25)
John the Baptist is not the first Biblical character that I relate to. Camel Hair clothing, eh, I can't even wear a wool sweater without itching. Eating locusts and wild honey, eh, I like to eat, but even I have my limits. A prophetic voice? I've never seen myself in that role.
Looking at what Fr. Rohr says about him, I have a hard time being alone, even when I claim I want to be alone. But perhaps that confrontation is what I need. I do feel alone, not unloved, but alone. I do get bored and have to fight it all the time. And looking at the real me is sometimes more than I can stand.]
Perhaps I avoid those "desert journeys" because I'm afraid of what I might find out. If I listen too long, I might not like what I hear. Would I return from such a journey with a stronger voice, a real desire to act and an abililty to accept wherever the chips may fall.
I'm not nearly as wild and crazy as I sometimes act. I'm not even sure how much wisdom I have to impart, I often think I'm a wise guy in the wrong way. But that "desert time" might show me how to live fully into a wild side that is free without being nuts, and the wise side that is thinking more than speaking.
Blessings,
Ed
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